Friday, September 08, 2006

Scarface

Scarface Takes an Office Job

In an alternative universe where Tony Montana lives after being gunned down by drug lords from Cuba, Tony decides to turn his life around, and takes a job interning at Allen and Bateman, in the Acquisitions and Mergers department. This is his story.

Bob: Alright everyone, this week’s office theme is going to be TRUST. We are all going to work on building trust by taking part in trust exercises.

Tony: Who do I trust? Me.

Ted: Oh come on Tony, you have to trust other people, you don’t have to lie to yourself.

Tony: I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.

Jeff: Alright well Tony you catch me when I fall backwards, I trust you enough to let you help me. Watch my back.

Tony: Better than your front, lemme tell you. Much easier to watch.

[Falls back, Tony catches him, clapping and cheers ensure]

Jeff: You caught me! I knew that you said you would but I didn’t expect it!

Tony: All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one. Do you understand?

Bob: Of course Tony, why would we ever say that you would break your word, you’re a great guy!

Tony: I got ears, ya know. I hear things.

This my second installment of my Iraq piece.

Its between 1/3 and 2/3 of it so far.
I gave them names(Jack and Wayne) and two other characters were introduced(Murhpy and Philip). Seth and Johnny are Jack and Wayne, since they did the two voices of the brothers in the last show, Seth being Wayne and Johnny being Jack, and I need two other people to be Murphy and Philip.

Iraq 2

(sound of trucks moving)

(volume of truck lowered, but still playing)

Murphy: So what’s your name?

Jack: Private Jack Johnson, This is my older brother Private First Class Wayne Johnson..

Murphy: Brothers? Never seen that yet, two brothers in the same squad. What was your name again, Wayne?

Wayne: Yes, Private First class…

Murphy: You don’t have to announce yourself with your rank, your sleeve already tells me that. My name is Sergeant Bartolemule Murphy, just call me Murphy.

Philip: and I’m Second Lieutenant Philip Brown. Just call me Philness.

Wayne and Murphy (at same time): Philness?

Murphy: Why did you just give yourself a nick name?

Philip: why are you asking so many questions?

Murphy: Permission to speak openly Lieutenant.

Philip: Permission grant…

Murphy: that is the stupidest nick name I have ever, Ever heard.

Philip: You know that’s grounds for court martial.

Murphy: Under what charges

Philip: For not agreeing that philness is the awsomeest nick name ever.

Jack: Awesomeest?

Philip: yes awesomeest.

Murphy: Philness and awesomeest in the same sentence. (chuckle) How ever did you ever get your degree?

Philip: Your guess is as good as mine.

Wayne: (chuckles)

Philip: (chuckle) Anyway, How did you two get in to military?

Wayne: Well, I joined about 4 years ago. I didn’t have enough money to get into a college, or so I believed, and after basic and advanced training, I went straight here to Iraq. I spent most of my time near Baghdad, but this is the first time I’m actually leaving the Baghdad area. Every time I get back into the states, I take one or two class at the local community college.

Murphy: How many credits do you have so far?

Wayne: None, Everytime I take a class, my unit would get pulled back here to Iraq.

Philip: really? You should have taken the ROTC program, they would paid the rest of your college.

Wayne: Yeah I know, but apparently my guidance counselor decided to forget about that little program and suggested I join immediately.

Jack: I wanted to kick her ass after I learned about that program too.

Murphy: Hmm? You had the same guidance Counselor?

Jack: Yeah, we went to the same high school.

Philip: So What’s Your story.

Jack: Almost a mirror image of his. Literally the same story. Same guidance counselor too.

Murphy: You think you would have learned from what your brother did.

Jack: We had a bad guidance counselor.

Philip: How did you guys get assigned to the same squad?

Wayne: Chance, coincidence, divine intervention, who knows.

Philip: Interesting.

(sound of trunk stopping)

Murphy: Whats going on?

Philip: I don’t know, Let me go check it out.

(sound of footsteps, then a flap of a tarp moving, then jumping on to the floor)

Jack: What could it be?

Wayne: I don’t know.

(Sound of tarp moving)

Philip: Someone spotted a few possible IDE’s up in the road. Their going to check it out, Just hang here for a bit. Keeps your ears open though, 9 times out of 10 it isn’t, but there is a chance it a decoy for an ambush. The other 8 times out of 10 it a regular IDE. The worst is if the IDE is remote detonated, leading to an ambush. So cock your guns just in case.

(sound of tarp moving)

(sounds of guns cocking)


It's the why am I still up at 3am song

It’s early in the morning and I can’t get in bed
All these lyrics all these poemsfloating in my head.
Trying to write down but I CAN’T GET IT ALL OUT.
Maybe it will work better if I sing them through my mouth
La la la la la la la la la I THINK I’M going
La la la la la la la la la crazy
La la la la la la la la la la everything is
La la la la la la la la la hazy

Maybe it was the cafeteria food that I ate.
Closed my eyes and swallowed hoping it was a grape.
Dreaming would be lovely singing would nice.
It’s only the beginning of the week and I’ve already done this twice.

La la la la la la la la la I THINK I’M going
La la la la la la la la la crazy
La la la la la la la la la la everything is
La la la la la la la la la hazy

I think that maybe that I have done something wrong
Cause normally by this time I’m sleeping end of song.
I think my conscious is eating at me or maybe I’m just wired.
I know I better figure it out soon cuz I am fucking tired.
La la la la la la la la la I THINK I’M going
La la la la la la la la la crazy
La la la la la la la la la la everything is
La la la la la la la la la hazy

It use to work in high school but not here I can tell.
Because when class over I won’t hear a bell.
So now I must look in my heart and dig down real deep
Oh fuck it I don’t feel like it I’ll just start counting sheep.
La la la la la la la la la I THINK I’M going
La la la la la la la la la crazy
La la la la la la la la la la everything is
La la la la la la la la la hazy

I wish I had a single

Carolina=Jessica= J Sarah= Katie=K
J; Katie did you drink the mocha latte supreme in the fridge.
K; Yeah
J; But it was mine
K; You didn’t have your name on it.
J; Oh yeah, you didn’t have your name on the chocolate cake or the delicious sandwich.
K; You ate my cake and my ( takes a breath) First of all there are only two people that have a key to this room. Therefore, there are only two people living in hear. Meaning that only two people would put something in the( as if in sounding it out) refrigerator. Therefore if you didn’t buy it then it is not yours.
K; What about Bill?
J; The R.A.?
K; Yes.
J; What about Bill?
K; He has a key.
J;So.
K; So maybe he could have come and put the illeged chocolate cake and delicious sandwich in the (as if mooching her) refrigerator.
J; So what your saying is you believe that are R.A., was just walking by and thought, gee maybe I should put some chocolate cake and a sandwich
K; Delicious.
J; Delicious sandwich in the fridge.
K; Yeah;
J; Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth or
K; It’s very logical.
J; Logical. /? (under her breath) I doubt she even know what that word means.
K; What?
J; Nothing, I mean using this logic. How did you know he didn’t leave the it for me?
K; Ha
J; Ha
K; Did I say Ha? I’m sorry Imeant ( starts to laugh) Ha ha ha ha ha hah.
J; What’s that suppose to mean?
K; Well look at you.
J; What?
K; It’s not just how you look it’s your voice.
J; What’s wrong with my voice.
K; Well your so manly.
J; Manly?
K; You walk around stomping and yelling who ate my chocolate cake I’m going to eat you rah. ( princess voice) Who ate my chocolate cake, I’m going to eat you rah. You know more like me . And by the way if your name nots on it it’s community property unless it looks delicious then it’s up for grabs.
J; Are those my pants?
K; I don’t see your name on it.
J; Katie.
K; Yes?
J; ( In a princess voice) Sleep with your eyes open? (slams door)
K; She’s so up tight. Hey, what that’s suppose to mean.

I'm not sure yet please don't read it

This is not even close to being finished but I’m posting it so it doesn’t look like I’ve been doing nothing. Please don’t read it. I don’t have a title yet.

1; Where were you I waited forever for you and you never showed. I spent three hours just sitting and waiting and sitting waiting. You just didn’t show up2;Hey I thought you were coming. I knew your car was red from the pictures you sent. So every time I saw a red car I’d run to the end of the street and wait. 3;Just one time. I needed you to keep your promise just one time. I needed you to not break one promise. 1; I spent the morning cleaning so everything would be just perfect. After all I haven’t seen you in so long.2; so long since I’ve seen you. I wondered if you still smelled the same. You always had this scent about you3; Cigarettes you always smelled like cigarettes and alcohol , Your clothes your hair. 2; Your car was so huge. I remember when I was a little boy and I remember getting inside your truck and feeling real small. Then when I sat next to you I felt even smaller. But I liked that feeling. It was like the whole world disappeared when I was in your truck. It was just you and me. 3; It was you and me for me for just a brief moment. Then it wasn’t ever you and me. We’re twins were suppose act the same be together. Except you started to lead a fast life and left me in the dust.
1; Dust everywhere, dirt all over your clothes. When I came up that weekend I had all your laundry done. I even ironed your underwear. I cared so much about you. 2; I cared so much about you.3; I cared so much about you. 1;I remember how happy me and you once were. You remember that time when it was our anniversary and it was on the same weekend of you and your dad’s father son weekend. I was so angry with you because it was are 3 year anniversary and you weren’t going to be there because you were spending that time with your dad. You cut the weekend short because you wanted to be with me. I remember you used that abandon house we use to always go to and surprised me with rose pedals leading up the stairs and candles lit every where. I still don’t know how you knew I’d go there. Or how long you waited in the for me . I remember right as I got to the top of the stairs you began to play the violen and there was a candlelit dinner and a bracelet lying on the table and engraved were the words I’ll never let you out of my heart. It was such a magical night. You never forgave me for that because that was the last time your father was well. Something changed in you when your dad died.
3; When dad died me and my Katie were only six. Our oldest sister Kitty was twelve and she understood the concept of dad leaving and never coming back a little more than we did. My mom was always crazy to me. I remember this one time when she forgot to make dinner. Well it was the first time she forgot anyways. And I remember my oldest sister Kitty was at rehearsel for a play she was in. My twin sister Katie and I were starving and we went in and asked mom for something to eat. So she went in the kitchen took out a skillet cracked all the eggs left in the carton into a really tall pot and threw the egg shells on the floor and then filled the skillet with oil. When the oil didn’t’ reach the top she filled the rest of it with water. She then put it on the stove and turned it up to the highest temperature she could. She then poured cereal down the drain and gave us a bowl of milk. Then she went into the bathroom lit a bunch of candles turned on the water for the tub and took a nap. Now, I don’t remember what caught on fire first all I remember is sitting on the other side watching fire fighters rescue the house. I remember my sister holding me under one arm Katie under the other kissing are foreheads and telling us she’d never abandon us like moms mom did. While all this was going on my mom sat in the car with her hands on the steering wheel and her keys in the car door. Yes that was my mom.1; My mom baked cookies. And she cooked and clean and waited hand and foot on my dad. Whenever he gave a command she never questioned it she just did. My mom was a walking doormat. My mom and dad seemed so happy together. They loved each other so much. I wanted that happiness. I wanted to be as happy as my mom. 2; My mom hated my dad. He equally felt the same about her. At the beginning it was good. Well it was never really good. They didn’t seem as happy as all the other parents. They never held hands or kissed in public or kissed at all for that matter. That was normal for my parents. When I was thirteen my parents had their first arguement in front of me. The word again and phrases like why do you always have to bring this up let me know that this wasn’t their first fight. My parents were really good at hiding this hate they had for one another up to this point. I heard conversations like this more and more often until it was a daily thing. Sometimes it would be over small stuff like drinking out of the carton or my mom would shout why are your socks always lying around everywhere. I guess they could no longer hide it. Or maybe I just never wanted to see it. Then again who wants to see there family falling apart.3; A part in a Broadway musical not just any part the lead role she got it, Kitty was on her way to becoming a star she yelled through the house. I wasn’t to thrilled about her announcement because I knew she wasn’t taking us with her. I was at airport hugging her goodbye and I remember crying and not wanting to let her go. She looked down on me and said remember that night when mom almost set the house on fire. How can I forget I said. Remember when I took you and Kathy in my arms and I said as long I’m living I ‘ll never abandon you like moms abandoned us. Remember, Kathy I’ll always watch over you and no matter where life takes any of us, us three will always be together. I need this Kelse it’s time, it’s time I went out and did something with my life. But you are doing something I said I could feel the tears coming, your being my sister why can’t that be enough for you. I’m 21 years old Kelse I feel like I’m 50. I been taking care of you and Katie and mom for the past eight years and I need to just take care of me for once. I need to find out who I am before it’s too late. What are me and Kathy suppose to do while your out finding yourself. You and Kathy have each other. Besides I’ll be back Kelse I swear, pretend we’re all going off to summer camp and we’ll all see each other again in a couple of weeks. Okay Kelse, I love you. This was different. I knew it was forever. Kitty wasn’t coming back, Kitty was leaving1; Leaving and going away to college no you can’t be he can’t be. We never quite the sameI was losing my boyfriend my friend he was my everything3; Everything was going to change after that. I spent a day just lying in my bed looking at pictures back when dad was alive. Looking at how beautiful and happy mom was, he really was the love of her life and something like that can completely shatter someone. I spent three more days looking at pictures of just Kitty, Katie and I. Katie took the news even worse than I did. All three of us were really close. Even though Katie and I were twins. She seemed to be closer to Kitty than to me. Those two did everything together, don’t get me wrong they never left me out or anything but those two had an even stronger bond. Katie didn’t even show upto the airport because it hurt her so bad. I still remember the look on Kitty face when she asked where Katie was and I said she isn’t coming. Kitty’s told me tell Kathy I’m not angry but disappointed and right now your sister is breaking my heart. I told Katie later on that night what Kitty said and she replied she doesn’t have a right to be angry me not showing up was fair. I guess Katie figured Kitty deserved it because she broke her heart first. After that Katie stopped taliking.

2; Talking we were just talking my dad said to my mom. Talking my mom said I surprised you could manage to do that with her tongue that far down your throat. Are we going through this again my dad said BECAUSE I’M NOT CHEATING ON YOU DORTHY. You’re a liar she said That was the first time I ever heard my dad yell at my mom. I knew it would never be the same after that.At one point were happy
Happy at one point and you did the sweetest thing
And you did the sweetest thing I remember There was this one time when we were in this restaurant and my mom thought or maybe she did see my dad checking out the waitress and she said to him put your tongue back in your mouth before I do it for you. What are you talking about he says. Are you going to deny it? Mom said. I don’t know what your talking about Dorothy said my dad said in a hard tone to my mom. Then he followed it with ah your crazy and then he looked at me and said all women aren’t crazy I just happened to get the bad apple in the bunch. I’m crazy mom said Oh I’m crazy she repeated even louder. Why don’t you tell your son who, as she began to dig deep in her bag tell him who it is John. Tell him and she dug deeper and deeper emptying out the contents of her purse. I just remember thinking, no it was more like hoping that she’s lieing that there’s nothing in there, that the fight would just end and my dad would say what’s new in school and my mom would say we’ll talk later, your right, now isn’t the time. But no she then pulled out a napkin with words written in lipstick and put it on the table. My dad said now is not the time Dorothy. Then mom said in a really slow with more hatred gathering as she said each word I want you to look your son in the eyes and tell him who your fucking because it damn sure isn’t me. The tears started to well up in my eyes as he turned and looked at me. Sam he said in a low calm voice your mothers crazy I would never do that to her. I would never do that to you. After all I do for the family and your going to treat me like this. I go out everyday and bust my ass for this family and your going to treat me like this. For the last time I’m not fucking cheated on you Dorothy. With tears dripping down her eyes my mom said You’ll lie to the very end. You know what John you forget I do the laundry. Next time, don’t leave this in your pocket and on the table sat ladies underwear. My dad started to cry I couldn’t believe that I’ve looked up to this man since I was a little boy, my hero would do something like this. I couldn’t look at him. Sam my dad said Sam listen to me my entire image of him was shattered. I knew from that moment forward things will never be the same.

Remember when dad died we were young I know, it was a long time ago. Mom just couldn’t handle it. Her sense of humor left completely. Her body was there but it just seemed empty. She started drinking heavily so she could cope with pain Dad died but he died along time ago. I remember when you came in so drunk you couldn’t stand up straight.
. Why don’t 2; I remember that one time when I was seven and the fair was in town. This was the first time I was tall enough to ride anything but the kitty rides. You and I had a fever and I was sick the whole weekend so I couldn’t go. The only day left was Monday during school and everybody went and you pulled me out of school and we rode everything and ate everything insight. We ate the world that day, we had so much fun that day. Why didn’t you love me?Why did you leave?I needed you Remember that time when our big sister kitty took us shopping it was her first paycheck and she said I’m going to spend it on my little sisters. We would do everything together. We went to all her rehearsels, plays. She came to everything we did. Man we did everything together.
Were you ashamed is that why you didn’t come back. Dad I had forgiven you could have come back anytime.
1; We were studying for an Algebra 2 and there was this one problem that Henry just couldn’t figure it out. So I went through the problem and finished it for him. The answer is seven I said to him. Well aren’t you a little genius he said. I’ve been working on this problem for twenty minutes and you solve it in twenty seconds. You make me feel like an idiot you know that. I’m sorry I said I was just trying to help. It’s not enough that you’re a year younger than me and we’re in the same math class but no you have just keep proving how fucking smart you are. I didn’t know what to say, how to react. So I said your just stressed I said it’s to soon maybe you should take a year off first before you go to school so you can handle it. He said I’m handling it just fine why do you think I’m not. Is it because I don’t come running to you to cry every damn day, telling you about my feeling and don’t express every damn emotion to you. Is that why you think I’m not handling it. I said relax I know what your going through. He looked at me and said you don’t have a fucking clue what I’m going through. You just want me take a year off so I can graduate with you. Your selfish you’ve always been selfish. I could have spent my dad’s last good weekend with him but no instead you had to throw a fucking hissy fit and make me spend it with you. I’m sorry I said I didn’t know I didn’t know. Save it he said save for someone who cares. Then he left. The last time we really talked.
2; You wrote although you never came to visit you wrote
3; A letter every week at first.

1; The relation was over but neither one of us could break it off I loved him to much and I knew that deep down inside he still loved me that one day he’d remember the good times we had
3;She would remember the good times we had.
2;He would remember the good times we had.
1; And one day he come back to me.
3;One day she’d come back to me.
2;And one day he’d come back.
1;.I remember I once asked my mom why didn’t you ever question anything daddy says or does and she responded “love will do that to you.” So with out any question, I waited.

1; I heard voices in the background I knew I heard voices. My mom said trust you must always have trust if anything, in a relationship. So I waited.
3;My dad was worth a lot of money when he died and some how it almost all of it managed to leave. I don’t know what my mom wasted it on. It was all gone so I got a job
2; I got a job because my mom wasn’t going to take my dads checks. We didn’t have enough to live off of. I loved playing soccer but I had to quit so I could a part time job to make the work load easier on my mom. So I got a part time job
1; I got a part time job to keep my mind off of him. How pathetic was it for me to think of all the time.
3; There was work and grades and getting into college. I felt like everything was crashing down on me and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t handle it anymore and mom just seemed to be getting worse and my sister I needed my twin sister, I needed her more than ever. We hadn’t really talked since Kitty left three years ago. She sent letters and post cards She started got into it with this guy he was bad news. He was in to all types of drugs. He

Facebook Script

I'm sure by now everyone has seen the new "face lift" in facebook. Personaly I hate it. I'd like to know how everyone else feels, and then I will write a script about this feature on Facebook. I'd like the script to be a conversation between a bunch of us talking about what we like and don't like about "face lift."

Please contribute your opinions and why you feel the way you feel asap.

Thanks,

Adrian

script in progress

with the help of amanda and JJ we are working on a script about british anouncers who are anouncing a dog show, but the announcers do not see eye to eye. We are going to need a girl and boy who has a british accent, so if anyone has one please let one of us know!

my script. . .

I know this needs a lot of work. . .and if you guys have any ideas to wrap it up let me know.


Show host: Good evening everyone, and Welcome to “Cheaters Never Prosper” where we expose your loving significant other for dirty cheating lowlifes they really are.

(applause)

Show Host: We’ve got an especially heart wrenching show ahead of us today. . . Here with us is Dustin, a Rollins freshman who suspects his girlfriend of three months of being unfaithful.

(gasps)

Show Host: So Dustin, why don’t you tell us a little bit about your relationship?

Dustin: (Sigh) Well, I met Sally a few months back and we hit it off immediately. She’s different from most other girls I’ve dated. . .she’s so adventurous, so bold, and she’s never afraid to try something new. I really admire her, but lately I feel we’ve become more distant. . . Every night it seems she has plans without me and I think there might be some one else.

Show host: Well everyone, sounds like we’ve got a cheater on our hands.

Dustin: Well, I’m willing to give her the benefit of a doubt. I just want the opportunity to talk things out between us. It’s possible she could just be really busy- I mean she has been involved in a lot of on campus activities lately.

Show Host: She’s a cheater, Dustin. A dirty pirate hooker, if you will. The sooner you except this the easier the healing process will be. And there will be no talking things out- just painful realization and hurtful confrontation. That’s how we roll on “Cheaters never Prosper”

Dustin: Hey don’t you think you’re crossing the line just a bit? I really don’t appreciate you talking about Sal--

Show Host: I’m sorry Dustin, but we have a lot of show to get through so you’re gonna have to save your crying for the next commercial break. It’s about that time we show painfully embarrassing footage to expose Sally’s incriminating acts of whorishness!
Everyone Ready?!

(audience roars in approval)

Show Host: Alright then. Let’s see it!
(set darkens and screen drop down behind show host and Dustin)
(first incriminating photo appears, audience gasps)

Show Host: As we can see here, Sally is philandering with a rather nerdy looking creep from what I understand is the Star Wars enthusiasts club on campus. Wow that must be pretty embarrassing for you , huh Dustin?

Dustin: I- I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe-

Show Host: Sorry Dustin, I just hate to cut you off but we have a lot more painful cheating footage to expose to the world. Next Clip?
( audience ooh, awws, and gasps)

Show Host: Please tell me your girl friend is not cheating on you with a the president of the chess club. It’s like she’s adding insult to injury. What do you have to say about this one, Dustin?

Dustin: (becoming very annoyed) Why did seem like a good idea to sort out my relationship problems on national television?

Show Host: I don’t know, but It’s making for some great TV. My ratings are shooting through the roof.
( audience applause)

Dustin: (with sarcasm) Well I’m glad you people are amused. What’s wrong with you? Can you have some sympathy here- I mean I am a person and I-

Show Host: Alright Dustin I’m going to ask to stop talking for a few minutes. . .sit the next few rounds out, if you get my drift. Now let’s get back to business- Next clip!
(next clip appears, audience gasps and boos)

Show Host: O. My. I don’t think any kind of explanation can excuse this one. In all my years of hosting this show, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything so repulsive. This is disgusting, I mean this is really, really, terrible. I mean, I would be embarrassed to even know this woman-

Dustin: Ok, Ok, I get the freakin point.

Show Host: (clears throat) As I was saying, this appears to be Sally with a member of . . .the bed wetter’s association?
(audience chatter)

Audience member: (stands and yells) Wait a minute! Hold on one second!

Show Host: looks like a member of our audience has something to add. Someone get him a microphone.

Audience member: Is this Sally the Slut? You are dating Sally the Slut? And you didn’t think there would be any infidelity in this relationship? I don’t know if you are aware of this, but part of her name involves the word “slut.”
( Sally the Slut, unable to sit backstage with dread, rushes onto the stage)

Sally the Slut: Yes I am Sally the Slut, and I am not ashamed. I will not just sit and take this anymore.
( audience gasps and everyone turns to look at Sally)

Show Host: O, about that. I really did not see this coming. . .So we are just going to cut to a brief commercial break, we’ll be right be back with more humiliation, scandal, and-

Sally: No! I won’t stand for anymore of this. Listen, Dustin, I am truly sorry about all this. . .I never meant to have to find out about it like this. But I am a woman inspired. I vowed to expand my horizons, to go where no woman has probably ever been before. . . To the chess club and even the bed wetter’s association. I want to hook up with someone from everyone from every club on campus.

Dustin: But Sally, doesn’t that make you sort of a whore?

Sally: NO. I am from a mission from God and I will not be stopped.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Thoughts on the Show = D

I really liked that it was dedicated to Steve Irwin. So yay.

I think something that would help immensely is having the scripts in on Friday. Granted, that is actually when you are supposed to have them in anyway. This gives everyone a chance to hear the script read aloud, offer suggestions, yada yada. The general consensus was that the Detective script was the best. Why? Because it was available for everyone to see Friday, we go to read it aloud in class, people knew their parts, they ahd their scripts before Tuesday to practice on, and so forth. So if we could get more scripts in on Friday, that would be smashing. = ) And you all have great ideas for scripts. It's just a matter of following through with those ideas.

Also, I noticed there's a bit of a problem with listening to each other. Sometimes y'all get caught up in mini side conversations while someone's trying to rally their people for a script, and only half the cast hears the person.. another fraction is in the DJ booth.. and still another fraction is just chillin'. If someone steps up to the plate and tries to direct people so that the show can be more orderly, please do be respectful and hear each other out. Respect = Cool. Yay <3

Seth already went over other stuff so I won't repeat. You guys did a better jon of having scripts on Tuesday, so kudos! And it was awesome to see people take on roles in the sound booth, DJ booth, etc. etc. Keep up the good work! Those scripts are great!

Peer Mentor Love,
Lily

so far...

sorry, this is what i have so far....

Detective Skit part II

(Music, track 1 for 20-30 seconds then stop)

Announcer: Last week on _______(title)_____...

(Pause)
Detective: How can I help you Mrs. Hamby?
Mrs. Hamby: Well, you see, detective… It’s my husband. (sobbing). He’s dead!
(Pause)

Vinni: It happens. Have a seat. Detective, have you met my new man, Abul?
Abul: It is nice to meet you Detective.
Detective: Like wise. Vinny, I’m looking for some information. There’s been a man poisoned. You know anything.
Vinny: Detective, I have heard of no such act until now.

(Pause)

Detective: Hello Nikita. How have you been?
Nikita: (French Accent) Come in!...Oh! Detective. Bonjour.
Detective: Hello Nikita. How have you been? There has been a murder. Do you know of anything? A Mr. Hamby.
Nikita: Yes, He was here that night, the night of the murder.
Detective: What about that night. Tell me what he did, who he was with, something of that nature.
Nikita: He was with another man. He looked different from people in this town. He had a little red hat and spoke with an accent.
Detective: What did he do here?
Nikita: They talked. Not too interested in the girls. Especially the man in the red hat. They shook hands and then Mr. Hamby asked for missy. Normally I do not allow for the girls to be asked for. It causes problems. You know. But, since he is a usual customer, I sent her over. Next thing I know, they left together.
Nikita: well, there was another time. I was working in a private room for Vinny. You know Vinny. Mr. Hamby walked in while I was dancing. He seemed scared. You know, like a puppy. He sat next to Vinny. They talked. He gave Vinny a black thing….a suitcase.
(Pause)
Detective Voice: The ceiling soared 50ft. high, the floor was recently polished, and the knights’ armor came to life with brilliance. Jack Black and I used to work together down at the station. We were partners. Up until he started goin sour. Sold a few drugs…well more than a few. I busted’em. I had to. It was the right thing to do. Though the right thing don’t seem so right anymore. If any one person knows about happenings all over town, it would be Jack Black.
Jack: Ol’ Detective Larson! How’s it hangin?
Detective: It’s been better. I’ve got a case. A murder. Poison.
Jack: I may know somethin worth your time. Vinny…you know Vinny… Yeah, wells, hes was paid a lot of money, see. A lot of money. No one knows by whoms. My moneys on the wife. Hamby’s gots all the money saved up. She was having an affair. They ran off to Cabo, Mexico that weekend and she came home to he beloved deads. Mr. Hamby was seein some girl from the Cat Club. You may know ‘er.
Detective: Missy?
Jack: Yeah. Some cute name like that.
Detective: Well, thank you, Jack. You’ve been a great help. And that’s a pretty little lighter you got there. Where did you get it?
Jack: Cabo (Pause). You’ll excuse me for not walking you out. I have some business to take care of.
(Pause)
(Scream and Gun Shots)
Woman 1: Missy! Oh, Missy! They’ve gone and shot her!
(Music, Track 1 from the beginning, 10-15 seconds then volume lowers)
Detectives’s Voice: The clock strikes 8. The bud of my cigar glows red; it winks at me. I may have had too much to drink…or not enough. Last night was rough, too rough. It’s not over. Mr. Hamby’s murderer is still at large and it’s my job the take ‘em down. It starts to rain outside. Sounds like cats and dogs out there. Missy. Missy loved the rain. Who wanted you dead Missy? And why. My whisky is running low. Time to make my way over the ‘ol Rat House.
(Music plays, Track 2, 10 seconds then lowers volume thought the next scene)
Detective Voice: Ah, my usual seat at the bar. I was half expecting everyone to be glum about Missy’s death. No one seemed to notice, or they just didn’t want to look it. The music was still the same ol’ thing. Smoke filled the air and seemed to swirl to the rhythm. All was same as I left it, all but one person. Barkeep was glum, I could tell. His tie was askew and he was handing out fake smiles like free candy.
Detective: Barkeep, my whisky.
Barkeep: Yes, detective.
Detective: You miss ‘er?
Barkeep: Who, sir?
Detective: Missy. Missy Mayers.
Barkeep: Ain’t been the same. I tell ya, if I found out who killed her, theys ganna get a beatin from me.
Detective: Easy there, barkeep. I’m on it. Have you heard of anythin?
Barkeep: Didn’t hear nothing. Saw somthin though.
Detective: What? What ya see?
Barkeep: Last night, maybe a few hours after you left, Missy walks over to Vinny’s table. She told me earlier she was suspicious of Vinny…
Detective: Suspicious of what?
Barkeep: About Mr. Hamby. Mr. Hamby came in here a lot. Mostly on the weekdays when she worked. Some think they had relations. They would sit in the back and talk for hours. The kinds of talks you have with your beloveds.
Detective: do you think she knew who the murderer was?
Barkeep: Don’t know. Another whisky?

it just isnt happening!!!

I am having the biggest issues. I know what i want to happen in the skit, well at least what the outcome should be, but i do not know how to go about it. I need help and suggestions. It will end up that Mr. Hamby and Missy were having an affair, and Mrs. Hamby was having an affair with Jack. Mr. Hamby knew his wife was trying to kill him, so he paid Vinny for his protection (the black suitcase from the suitcase), however, Mr. Hamby had already paid Vinny even more money to kill her husband so that she could have his money and run off with Jack. Jack and Mrs. Hamby left for Cabo so that they would have an alibi.

I dont know where Larson should go and where he is going to confront everyone.

Also, in order to get a suitable song, i was thinking Josi (PLEASE) could sing something because she is the only female singer and i think it would work better for the Cat Club.

Live music

My Friends are willing to play for Tuesdays show, but i need to know how many songs you want them to perform, and if you want them to do background music for some skits.

help!!!

hey guys...im having a little bit of wirtter's block....if anyone has ideas let me know and i will tell you what i am thinking for the detective and we can work this stuff out...help please!

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

hey ya'll

I think the show went well last and everyone is pretty solid at acting. We could improve alot, though, (myself included) if we rehearsed together before we get in the station. I think I finally figured out this blog thing, so if anyone puts me in a script, be sure to post it and I will gladly run through the lines with them a day or so before the show.
love you guys!
amanda

Why isnt this showing up on the actual blog?

Well done kids, i'm proud of you...here are some things that i'm seeing and mabye things to work on.
-Read with excitment
Sometimes it seems like people are reading the scripts for the first time or dont know a lot about thier characters. Read the script before you come (Heck, mabye read over it a few times) and understand your character and the decisions he would make. This makes reading easier when you know the motivation behind what your saying...That being said...
-Punch your words
We all read too fast all the time because we are all afriad of being at the mic. You need to SLOW DOWN and ANNUNCIATE. If you can punch each word, say it with meaning and subtext, the peice will read better. Remember, we arent reading from peices of paper, we are speaking to thousands who are trying to use thier brians to imagine what we are saying.
-Don't be afriad to look/sound/feel stupid
You are in a class where you all live and learn together. When you don't give a script 100% its going to sound like to one cares and is going to suffer. Put yourself out on a limb, do an accent that youve never tried before but COMMIT to it. If you are making a poor effort, the character is not consistant or memorable. The characters i remember the most are the ones who are the most vibrant.
-EDIT!!!
It's not hard to look over your papers, get a classmate to edit or heck, even take a script to TJ's. There is nothing worse than scanning something you asre about to read and then stumbling through typo's. We already will have enough awkward pauses without it so look over the scripts. In addition, if you give a script a second look after putting it down, its easier to see weaknesses and missed jokes or whatnot in the script.

I'm proud you you all and while i am impressed with your work thus far, I am confident that you can do much better in future shows.

Nice Work

Well done kids, i'm proud of you...here are some things that i'm seeing and mabye things to work on.
-Read with excitment
Sometimes it seems like people are reading the scripts for the first time or dont know a lot about thier characters. Read the script before you come (Heck, mabye read over it a few times) and understand your character and the decisions he would make. This makes reading easier when you know the motivation behind what your saying...That being said...
-Punch your words
We all read too fast all the time because we are all afriad of being at the mic. You need to SLOW DOWN and ANNUNCIATE. If you can punch each word, say it with meaning and subtext, the peice will read better. Remember, we arent reading from peices of paper, we are speaking to thousands who are trying to use thier brians to imagine what we are saying.
-Don't be afriad to look/sound/feel stupid
You are in a class where you all live and learn together. When you don't give a script 100% its going to sound like to one cares and is going to suffer. Put yourself out on a limb, do an accent that youve never tried before but COMMIT to it. If you are making a poor effort, the character is not consistant or memorable. The characters i remember the most are the ones who are the most vibrant.
-EDIT!!!
It's not hard to look over your papers, get a classmate to edit or heck, even take a script to TJ's. There is nothing worse than scanning something you asre about to read and then stumbling through typo's. We already will have enough awkward pauses without it so look over the scripts. In addition, if you give a script a second look after putting it down, its easier to see weaknesses and missed jokes or whatnot in the script.

I'm proud you you all and while i am impressed with your work thus far, I am confident that you can do much better in future shows.

hey everyone... i agree with the whole energy thing we discussed this morning. In the next half of the detective skit, i need everyone to really be pumped up because itis the climax of the story and there is going to be a lot going on. I am going to start working on it today, so if anyone has something in mind about improvements or anything at all, let me know so that i can try to make the second half better and more exciting. Also, I am going to adding maybe one or two more parts, just simple parts, maybe more one or two liners, so look out for those, and i will post the cast list with that. Thank you and awsome job....thank you ardian for your amazing mic action last night. and thank you JJ for your awsome acting

Time to blog

Now it's time to do as Johnny has already done. Pop onto the blog and comment about last night's show. How did it go? What were the strong pieces? Which ones were more problematic?

What can we do to make the next show even better? What do you want to do on next week's show?

What about music and its use during the show? What about live music?

Tower

Here is a little piece I am posting for Seth. It could be a good one for next week.

Characters: (more will be added when their turn comes)

Frank – Gets all of the ladies despite his best efforts. Things always seem to go wrong for Frank, mistakenly breaking a glass or a ladies heart. His room is a mess and he tries to appease everyone all the time but lacks the drive to meet all of the opportunities he has wanted for himself. At the end of the day, he’s just a good kid.

D – Quiet and methodic. He often has all the ideas and answers but either doesn’t verbalize them. He loves Frank but is consistently pissed off by something or other he does. A virgin, he has all but given up on women despite the repeated attempts of everyone else.

S – Jovial and easy going, nothing fazes him. He is simultaneously occasionally self conscious and often relies on others for help. He is often the instigator but at the same time he is often the one who moves to get things done, to help right wrongs and to make people feel better.

Narrator: Lights come up on the room. Sitting on the fouton are two kids playing video games with spirit. They are moving with the controllers, swaying Mario with their own bodies. Rock music plays lightly from the speakers while Frank is curled up on the top bunk, snoring loudly but looking comftorable, his blankets wrapped tightly around his scrawny body. S and D are watching the festivities and appear somewhat bored. Pictures of women in bikinis adorn the room which is a mess, laundry and pizza boxes are strewn across the room.

S: I am so sick of this game.

D: I love this game.

S: Now I’ve already warned you, but im telling you again so I don’t feel bad when I make you cry. If this horrendous game is
seen in my apartment I will smash it into little pieces and eat them.

D: Sure you will

S: Try me. Want to go smoke a butt?

D: (Slight pause to assess the situation) I thought you’d never ask. Its not my turn for a while anyways.

S: Good then
(The boys walk to the porch and slide over to the side to allow the next person entry onto the small porch)
D: Don’t lock us out again, you know that we don’t have a doorknob on the outside.
S: You really need to fix that, it’s not so hard. Stop being lazy.
D: You stop being lazy…got a light?
S: Ya, here you go. (They both light up and enjoy their first drag, Beat) I don’t know David, you knew me when I was a freshman. I was Johnny College! Everyone knew me, I was always around, I saw hundreds of people a day and never lived in my room. I was a transient or something like that…a vagabond…My life was everyone else’s, I was a little piece of everyone’s college story. But now…don’t get me wrong…I’m just as happy, if not happier than I ever was, but its…just different. I hang out with the same four people every day, you, frank, Mikey and Scarlet. That’s my life, a revolving circle of four people.
D: “I see what your saying, but really it isn’t like that. That’s what happens to everybody. Look at our parents, that’s the way that they evolved. They only have a few friends now.
S: My folks don’t even like their friends! I’m 20 and still in college! I don’t want to turn into…”
D: Your not! You are just getting a little older. Maybe you have little friend meters with all of your friends. You stick with the ones who you really care about and the ones that you aren’t so passionate about, acquaintances, they come and go. They aren’t really that important to you. It’s like Darwin.
S: Natural selection of the most caring and decent. Weed out the playboys and the morons. Just employ he kids you can tell your deepest darkest secrets too.
D: Let’s hope so.
S: We should have a contest of everyone we know, there should be a trivia contest, tests of physical strength and we should attach monitors to their bodies or something. Test the friendship.
D: (Sarcastically) Yes, perfect, just a few tweaks and its…stupid…Hey, give me a drag of your clove, I haven’t tried the vanilla ones yet. .
(S passes D the butt)
S: Don’t get it all disgusting, I know that you like to slobber all over your cigarettes.
D: YOU DO THAT! (Laughter)
(Beat)
S: I guess you’re right. The people I spend the most time with are the people that I am most adamant about. The rest are just extras in my play.
D: They might be extras, but they do make it interesting. (With gusto) All of the world is our stage…(Beat)What if we didn’t know Carl?
(Laughing)
S: We’d miss out on a lot of sleaze
D: And attempted rape…
S: That fucking kid…one the bright side, he makes guys like us look a lot better
D: Good call.
S: I’ll rape them with kindness. (Beat) why is it d that we always have these good talks on the porch smoking butts.
D: I don’t know, I guess that’s just the way. (Long Beat) You know, when I used to get wasted, I would love nothing more than to think and discuss. It’s a perfect time to discuss and reflect.
S: Me too. No one ever bothers to chat anymore. (Sarcastically) I blame the schools….and video games. They are like crack for stoners. (Beat) We should go DO something.
D: (Almost enthused) We could…no…too hot for physical activity…There aren’t any good movies out, and I’m not in the mood for video games…plus, those kids are probally still inside.
S: Kick them out.
D: Nah, I think they brought a handle of Vodka to keep up here.
S: Well then, they can stay.
D: (Still thinking) I’m not hungry and I don’t have any money anyways.
S: Well then, I guess all we have then is each other.
D: Gay (laughter) (Finding fodder) Wait a minute, aren’t you a Madden addict?
S: buying that game was the worst thing that ever happened to my sex life and sleep schedule!!! I’ll wake up at six in the morning to play that god-damn game and I have caught myself NOT looking at Scarlet when she changes!
D: You have a problem my friend….
S: Tell me about it.
D: I’m going to do you a favor and break that game.
S: I will break your face.
D: Haha.
(Beat, awkwardly S pats D on the shoulder)
S: Good talk D
D: Why do you always say that? Get some new material.
S: I was being serious!...but ya, I probally should work on it…Good talk D
(The boys head inside and to their computers. D checks CNN.com for any breaking news…its his hobby. S wanders around, touching things and organizing some pizza boxes)
S: (To the kids on the couch) Do you kids want to clean some of this shit up? I know I don’t live here but I spend all of my time here.
(Everyone playing the video games mumbles and makes some half hearted promise)
S: D, want to have another one? Its SOMETHING to do that’s not getting mad at the idiots in here staring at that damn box.
D: Ya, give me a second…did you know that scientists in Alaska have proven that animals actually think like little people?
S: You know, I didn’t, but thanks for the update.
D: I try.
(Back to the porch again)
S: I’ll trade you a clove for a MAlboro Light.
D: Deal.
S: Would you look at that sunset? I can not believe that after a day of horrific rain and lightning that there can be a sunset so beautiful. It’s like a reward for a cruddy day.
D: Every night that’s what I see. And every morning…well not really every morning…well not really any morning, I never really have gotten up that early.
S: I get it.
D: What I’m trying to say is that no one really notices it. No one really pays attention to the sunsets or anything else for that matter.
S: Everyone’s heads are looking at their shoes…or their cell phones
D: I can see so much from up here. Yesterday, there was a snake just chilling on the top of the shrub. Anyone who saw it walking by would have freaked out but he was just hanging out, basking in the sunlight, probably waiting for a snack.
S: Or a campus cat. You love snakes D. you are probably the only person I know that would like to play with that snake.
D: What? Snakes are awesome. I would have run down the stairs to grab that snake…if only I wanted to walk all the way down those stairs. But that’s not the point.
S: Well get to it.
D: There is so much going on down there, there is a beautiful rose garden that everyone walks by. Flocks of birds fly around here and attack each other. Even the squirrels are cute. Some people see a picture or an expansive lightning storm or a beautiful sunset and it fulfills them and makes them happy. Why don’t they just look up from their IPods and smile. There is a lot to look at.
S: (Yelling down to no one walking by) You’re all sheep!! Products of the technical generation!
D: You may think its all fun and games…
S: No, I get it, you’re right. Sometimes we take this all for granted. Every night’s a free show if you know where to set your gaze.
D: It’s a good time.
S: Last 4 years to look up and smell the roses.
D: No its not, you’re too caught up on this college thing, its just another phase. Beauty doesn’t end here, you have the rest of your life if you know where to look.
S: Touché D. That being said, the way you talk about snakes…I think you might want to sleep with one.
D: No!
S: Come on D, all you fantasize about is retractable fangs and you go on and on about their ability to eat massive objects…and they never call and you all you need is a turban and a recorder to lure them. It’s your dream D, oral pleasure without striking out all the time.
D: Touché S.
S: One day D, one day. I’ll get you laid, but if I don’t…ill get you a cute python or is an anaconda more up your alley?
D: Shut it.
S: Whose inside? Did Frank go to class?
D: (checking his watch) Let’s hope so, it started 5 minutes ago. Those kids are probally still playing the Xbox, don’t they ever have class?
S: Bet you a punch in the face he’s sleeping.
D: I will not take that bet, I GUARENTEE that that moron slept through class yet again.
(The enter the room to find Frank snoring loudly, his alarm beeping quietly)
S: Let’s just wake him up with a punch in the face
D: haha, or we could have some fun with him…
S: why don’t we grab that god-forsaken air horn he has and get him moving…
D: (chuckling) well, he does have to be at class…
S: (Towards the couch) Hey kids shut up for a second, your about to laugh your ass off. (While rummaging through Franks things) What is this? Gross!! That banana must be a week old! You’ve got to get this kid to clean…
D: Believe me, I try.
S: You should try harder. This is room is so dope, you don’t even know how many ladies you would get is this place were clean. Add some mood lighting, some Barry White…
D: One day…
S: (Franks desk is strewn with papers, odds and ends and occasionally has ants that crawl around, apparently they have laid claim to a new home) Sweet Caroline! There is no much nothing in this drawer…he never will use all of these highlighters, I’m pocketing a few…ahh, here we go, under the condoms…get ready for this Franky!
(The camp time wake-up song Revilere is played on air horn. As the first few bars play out, Frank flies out of bed screaming in horror)
Frank: …rabble rabble…What the hell is going on? You son of a bitch…
S: At least I’m not late for class jack ass!!!
Frank: No I’m not (glancing at the clock) WHAT!?! I set my alarm clock!
D: Next time try turning the volume up, or snoring quieter
Frank: I don’t snore
S: No, you sound like a buzz saw. It’s a miracle how any girl ever sleeps over your room with a drum solo in your nostrils.
D: Or can stand the stench of a rotten banana on your desk drawer…you are filthy.
Frank: Hey kids…shut it. I’m tired and I just got woken up by my OWN air horn and insulted.
Both of you sit down and chill out because I need to get my books and get the hell to class.
S: Have a good sprint my friend
Frank: (while stuffing books and notebooks into his bag) oh I will…I will…does anyone have a pen? (Beat) thought not.
D: Have fun in class sweetie, we’re going to play some Frisbee.
Frank: grrrrr

SAVED FOR LATER
S: Hey, look at that cat…(sappy sweet) hey little kikky cat, you little cute kitty, want to come to my apartment and play in my room and make me a little sneezy weezy boy.
D: That car just missed him.
S: Those stupid kids and their hippy-hop. What are those collar popping white kids trying to prove with their bass speakers. Congratulations, your car is loud, I’m impressed, now try a little suavity next time instead, you’ll attract more women.
D: (Hopeful) You think that the bass speakers really work for those guys?
S: I think that that kitty would be perfect for my apartment. He’s free, cute and right there…I don’t even have to stop at Petco. I wouldn’t even tell the people at my apartment complex and hope to avoid the fee.
D: I bet he has rabies…or is probably crazy…I wouldn’t take a campus cat.
S: But then I could just do it impulsively…I was sent by God to save that kitty mom, it was in the best interest of the cat.
D: She’ll still kill you, and your house will smell like cat piss all the time, you’ll never clean the litter box.
S: Yes I will
D: No, no you wont…hey, that cats walking towards Frank’s car, is he…did he…no way!
S: What?
D: The cat just sprays on Franks can! All over the tire.
S: (Opening the door) Hey Frank! A cat just pissed all over your tire?
Frank: (lumbering towards the door) are you kidding? Where is it? I’ll kill that monster.
S: You know what would make me respect you forever Frank? If you caught that cat, bit his head off and fastened it to your hood, warning all the cats to back off.
Frank: Um, no, but I will get that son of a bitch…Hey, you, kids on the couch, if you find that cat for me, there is a bounty on its head. You will be handsomely rewarded.


Thoughts on the show of september 5

It went a little rough in the beginning when we were not on "air" because of technical difficulties. The golf skit was well written but nobody, including me, was very enthused or energetic making the skit very dull. To start off a show we need to be energetic and exciting to keep our listeners wanting more! I thought the scripts were great especially Carolina's detective one. The music gives a great touch to it. JJ is perfect for the part and nailed it! We should add some more music to the background of the scripts. We definantly need to get some digital sound effects. The "POP POP POP" sound for a gun just isn't cutting it. Practicing thirty minutes before the show is not enough to get a feel for the character being played. Everyone involved in the script needs to get together and practice, so the tone of the character is fit for the part, and no one will stumble on their words. I am going to try and get some buddies in for some live music next week. They both play the acustic guitar, and play it well. Maybe Nate can collaborate with them?! Overall it was a crankey good show!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

R Drive Advice

I don't exactly know the issues concerning the R drive, but here is what should happen so you can access the R drive.

1. Sign into Novell (you can do this in one of the labs or if you have registered your computer you should have Novell on your computer)

2. Go to My Computer

3. Click on the R:drive item in your menu of drives

4. Once you open the R: drive you will see all kinds of folders that folks have created. Scroll down to Darkness Visible Radio.

5. Open the file

6. Open the correct dated file for the show

7. And then save your script to the Final Script folder

Voila.

Final Sally Skit #2

I can't figure out this R-Drive thing. Im taking my comp to Computer services now, sorry guys.

Here is the finished version of the Sally script. I know its late and I apologize. If you dont want to air it tonight I understand. I will aslo print out all the necicary scripts just in case. Good luck tonight Guys.

Walker

Announcer: “Once upon a time, in a college not far from here, two girls embarked on a quest for glory, greatness, and ultimate skankiness. Some called them heroes, some called them whores, but all agreed that their quest was um….interesting to say the least. This is their story.”

This week we find out two scantily clad heroes in a need I say “wet” situation. Determined to socialize with every organization on campus, with the intention of dating a member, Sally the Slut and her trusty mate, Leslie, journeyed to the most neglected, the most rejected, and smelliest club on campus. Let’s see what happens.

Ryan: Welcome to the Bed Wetter’s Association, home to the overexcited, the urinarilly challenged, and those who just like soiling their sheets. Here we strive to be open to all….uhhhhhhh…

Sally the Slut: Hi there cutie, what’s your name?

Ryan (with a slight stutter): Uh…uh….uh…..bu….Wait, you, you, you look like FE-males.

Leslie (in a condescending tone): Your very perceptive there buddy.

Ryan: We, uhhhh…..we don’t have many um… FE-males here at the bed wetter’s Association.

Leslie (whispering to Sally): Good God, Lets get out of here ASAP.

Sally the Slut (whispering): No! We can’t.

Leslie (whispering): Look Sally, I know you’re on a quest from God and all, but for Christ’s sake, this is the BED WETTER’S Association. It smells awful in here.

Sally the Slut: I’m not leaving until my mission is complete. Plus this kid is kinda cute, in a weird sort of way.

Leslie (getting angry, but still whispering): Sally, he has a damp spot on his crotch and he reeks! You can’t be serious!

Ryan (unfazed by their whispering): So, uh-uh, ya. Welcome to the Bed-Wetter’s Association, chapter number uh…6. My name is Ryan Tinklestein, and I am the chapter founder and president. Started in 1977 by a young Pee-Wee Herman, our club has served as a safe haven for those discriminated against because of their urinary differences. You may have heard of some of our more famous members: Margret Ford, Dustin Diamond- more known for his role of Screech on “Saved by the Bell”, oh and of course Tom Cruise.

Leslie (sarcastically): Wow, that’s quite an impressive list, so distinguished. You must be very proud. What do you think Sally?

Sally the Slut: Yes Sir President Tinklestein. I always did admire a man of power.

Leslie (exasperated): Jesus Christ, Sally. I need to get out of here. Ryan can you tell me where the restrooms are?

Ryan: No can do.

Leslie: Um. Why not?

Ryan: Here at the Bed Wetter’s Association we do not feel that Restrooms are necessary. It is part of our recovery process.

Sally the Slut: How economical!

Ryan: Well…uh..uh..thanks, but if you FE-males would excuse me I have to go…now to…um…to…um…to begin the meeting.

(Shouting)

OK Everyone, Time to Start. Bildo, Sludge, Jack…Lets Circle up.

***Noise is heard as chairs shuffle and people moan and all sorts of other stuff***

Ryan: Good evening everyone. So to begin the meeting does anyone have any promising stories. Bildo, you told me you had a great experience watching a horror movies this week. What happened?

Bildo: Well see…last Friday, I watched Saw II…

The Crowd: (EXCITEDLY AND WORRIED) No You shouldn’t do that. Bildo, you know that’s to intense. ECT..

Bildo (confidently): It’s ok guys. It’s ok. I made it out ok. But, like I was saying, last Friday, I watched (pause) ALL of Saw II, and when I woke up the next morning, I was totally dry.

Ryan: Wow Billy, that’s great! That’s a real…

Leslie (Interupting): Wait, what kind of group is this. I thought you guys liked that sort of um…you know.

Ryan: Are you kidding me. A lot of people laugh at us when they find out we are member of the Bed-Wetter’s Assosication. People think its funny when kids have accidents, but that’s unless you’re the one who wet the bed……then its just kinda damp. (pause) No. We are more of a support group. Bildo here is making great progress.

Leslie (whispering again): And you Sally are making no progress. I feel bad for these guys, but can we please just get out of here.

Sally the Slut (whispering): Fine. Just two more seconds…

Sally the Slut (loudly and boastfully): Well if we are all sharing, I have a story for you guys. It’s a real tender one about a man and a um…FE-male. This one time, me and this really cute boy named (pause) RYAN, went on a date. It was really romantic and at the end he kissed me. (long pause) Well, I guess that story never happened, but I kind of with it would. (pause) What do you think about that story Ryan?

Ryan: Um…um……um…. Well….if you will excuse me, I think I need to go to the restroom.

Sally: O no Ryan, I don’t want to interrupt your recovery process.

Ryan: To late for that. I have to go.

*** loud clanging footsteps are hear as Ryan runs away***

Sally: Wait Ryan, lets just talk…..

*** Sally’s voice fades out as she chases ryan to the restroom***

Leslie: Ok, well, so, Ok. So Bildo, I think I’m going to take off now. See you guys um……..sometime…..mabye.

***Sniggers and snorts are heard***

Leslie: Ok bye now.


r-drive

the detective skit is finally on r-drive (after a lot of confusion). please print it!!!!

SCRIPTS IN R: DRIVE

Hello all:

Final scripts need to be posted in the R: drive Darkness Visible Folder in Word document format. We don't want to print out the scripts from the blog because of the way it prints out, which can be difficult to read.

So make sure all your scripts are there for everyone to get.

See you tonight.

FINAL DETECTIVE SKRIPT!!!!!

please print your own copy and read over it because there has been changes. I need a sherriff (Adrian), Woman 1 (Amanda), Woman 2 (Josi again). And if any of the girls can do a better french accent, let me know cuz my voice is a little sickly... I dont mind switching with your part if you take the Nakita's part. Thank you....anyone. And JJ please read over everything carefully...it's all on you! thanx

Detective Story

(music)

Detective voice (JJ): It’s cold. The smoke spirals into the air of my office as I lean back trying to remember the night before. My name… Detective Larson, private eye at your service. I hear a knocking at my door. (knocking ) My secretary, Kitty, slowly walks into the room.

Kitty: Excuse me detective. There’s a Mrs. Josi Hamby here to see. She looks distraught.

Detective: Send her in, Kitty.

Kitty: Yes, detective. Come on in Mrs. Hamby.

Mrs. Hamby: (In a crying voice) Hello, Detective Larson. Thank you.

Detective: Have a seat.

Detective Voice: She was young. Barely in her twenties. I could tell she had been crying all night.
Her black dress was askew, her hair was a mess, she looked as though she hadn’t slept in days. I felt for her.

Detective: How can I help you Mrs. Hamby?

Mrs. Hamby: Well, you see, detective… It’s my husband. (sobbing). He’s dead!

Detective: How dead is he?

Mrs. Hamby: What do you mean? He’s dead. Cold dead. He was murdered.

Detective: How do you know he was murdered?

Mrs. Hamby: (sniffles) I just know. He was poisoned. I’m sure of it. Oh! His face! I can still see his pale face in my memory.

Detective Voice: I knew I should not have had that whisky last night. This broad’s voice is matching the pounding in my head. This will be my first case of the week…and I already have my first suspect.

Mrs. Hamby: You’ll help me, wont ya? Detective?

Detective: Ya. I’ll help you, ma’am. Now go on home.

Detective voice: The search for Mr. Hamby’s murderer was on. I knew exactly where to look. Time for another drink.

(Hear people talking in the background)

(music in background during monologue)

Detective voice: The Rat House. My home and home to many other drunk fools. If there was any one that could tell me something of a murder, I would be able to find them here. It’s getting dark out and the cold has hit my bones. The place smells like cigars and secrets. Everyone has something to hide. It’s abnormally quite for a Friday night. My usual seat is waiting for me at the bar.

Detective: Barkeep! A whisky.

Bartender: Sure thing, Detective.

Detective: Barkeep… If you were looking for a murderer... where would you start?

Bartender: Well, I don’t know. (haha) I guess that’s why you’re the detective.

Detective: I thought you’d say that. Listen, I don’t got any cash.

Bartender: Larson! You’ve got to be kidding me. I’ll put it on your tap, you old drunk.

Detective: Thank you. Hey, listen, you seen that old smuck Vinny around?

Bartender: Yeah, he should be coming in around this time. He comes in every Friday night. Sits in the back. In the dark. His boys with him. See, he’s got this new guy. Foreign guy. Wears a funny little red hat with a black tassel on it. No one knows why Vinny brought him in.

Detective: When he get in?

Bartender: Two nights ago. Rumor says he’d kill ya as soon look at ya. He’s handy with chemicals. You know, poisons.

Detective’s Voice: Another suspect. And sure enough, Barkeep was right, the old chump. Vinny busted through the door, making everyone’s head turn. The music stopped for a few beats. His mink coat made his fat body look fatter and his small head look miniscule. He slips his usual payment to the manager, Jaques, and makes his way to the back booth. I finish off my drink and headed over. The whisky speeds its way though my veins.

Vinni: Eyyyy! Detctive Larson! How’s your mother?

Detective: Dead. A while ago. Hurricane took her.

Vinni: It happens. Have a seat. Detective, have you met my new man, Abul?

Abul: It is nice to meet you Detective.

Detective: Like wise. Vinny, I’m looking for some information. There’s been a man poisoned. You know anything.

Detective’s voice: I could tell Vinny got the chills, but he’s not the kind of guy to show it. Abul stood still. He was a statue. He wore a brightly colored vest, which unusual in this black suited town.

Vinny: Detective, I have heard of no such act until now.

Detective: Alright Vinny, I believe you. I hear you new guy is good with chemicals. Maybe he can come by the crime scene and tell me what he can figure.

Vinny: I would like to lend you my services. However, I am a busy man. I have things going on.

Detective: Just keep your ears open. That’s all I ask.

Vinny: Larson, you know I know you are a good man. You have done good work for me in the
past. I will inform you if I hear of anything.

Detective: I appreciate it. Good Night.

Vinny: Detective! Who was the sorry son of a bitch?

Detective: A Mr. Hamby. You know em?

Vinny: Mr. Hamby… Yeah I know em. He’s done good work for me as well. Shame.

Detective: Yeah. Damn Shame. Pretty little wife too. Good Night Fellas.

Detective’s Voice: Walking away. Seems like that’s what everyone does in this town. Why would a suspect admit they knew the victim? Poison killed Mr. Hamby, and that was Abul’s weapon. It doesn’t make any sense.

Missy: Hello Detective.

Detective: Hello, Missy.

Detective’s Voice: Missy Mayers. A waitress in this sad excuse for a bar. She was a pretty thing. Her hair always done right and her smile made the room shine. We had relations at one point in time. It was short. Too short.

Missy: I’ve missed you Detective. How have ya been?

Detective: I’ve been better. Missy, listen, have you heard about Mr. Hamby’s murder?

Missy: Oh yeah. All the girls from the Cat Club were talking about it when I worked there last night. Peoples are saying he was chopped in a million little pieces. Why would anyone do that? Oh, my goodness.

Detective: Missy! You need to let me know what you know. No messing around.

Missy: Well, I don’t know nothin. But stop by the Cat Club. Those ladies are all talk.

Detective: Always a pleasure, sweetheart.

Missy: Detective, wait. Ask for Nikita. You know ‘er?

Detective: I know ‘er. Good Night. Keep your head up, kid.

(Music in background during monologue)

Detective’s Voice: Yeah, I know Nikita. French broad that runs the Cat Club. A place where gals go to forget their names and fellas go to have a good time. Not the classiest of places, but it does the trick. I go through the backdoor. Not to go unnoticed, but it will be easier to catch Nikita in her dressing room before her big performance. The alley smells of dump and expensive love.

(Knocking sound)

Nikita: (French Accent) Come in!...Oh! Detective. Bonjour.

Detective: Hello Nikita. How have you been?

Detective’s voice: I had forgotten how seductive she was. She wore a black, feather number with heals and stockings. Her smell. I remember that smell. Of flowers and mystery. I noticed something suspicious, she quickly placed some viles in a drawer. Another suspect.

Nikita: Business is good. Why do you not come around anymore?

Detective: I’ve been busy. Nikita, there has been a murder. Do you know of anything?

Nikita: I don’t know. The girls were talking about it yesterday. Who was it?

Detective: Mr. Hamby. You know ‘em?

Nikita: No, no, no.

Detective: I heard he comes here often.

Nikita: Vell, I might met him…once. But it was no big thing, you know.

Detective: How often did he come in here?

Nikita: The girls saw him more than I did. I just don’t know. Let’s talk about something else. Like you and me. I’ve missed you Detective.

Detective’s Voice: We had relations one point in time.

Detective: That was over before it started.

Nikita: That wasn’t what you said a few nights ago.

Detective: I need you to tell me what you know about this murder. And, what were those viles you put away?

Nikita: None of your business. Just, um, perfumes. You know. Now that I am thinking about it,
darling, I may know something. He was here the night of the murder.

Detective: now we are getting somewhere. Go on.

Nikita: Well, he favored Missy. You know, the girl from the bar. The waitress.

Detective: What about that night. Tell me what he did, who he was with, something of that nature.

Nikita: He was with another man. He looked different from people in this town. He had a little red hat and spoke with an accent.

Detective: What did he do here?

Nikita: They talked. Not too interested in the girls. Especially the man in the red hat. They shook hands and then Mr. Hamby asked for missy. Normally I do not allow for the girls to be asked for. It causes problems. You know. But, since he is a usual customer, I sent her over. Next thing I know, they left together. That smuck killed business for me that night. I only had three girls working and she was one of them. I wanted to kill him.

Detective: Are you sure you never met him before?

Detective’s Voice: She looked like she had something to hide. She slowly sat in her sateen, red cushioned chars at her dresser. The room seemed to dim, as thought something was about to be revealed.

Nikita: well, there was another time. I was working in a private room for Vinny. You know Vinny. Mr. Hamby walked in while I was dancing. He seemed scared. You know, like a puppy. He sat next to Vinny. They talked. He gave Vinny a black thing….a suitcase.

Detective: What was in the suitcase?

Nikita: I don’t know. I just dance.

Detective: What happened next?

Nikita: They started to argue. Vinny looked mad and had Mr. Hamby thrown out. That is all I
know. Mr. Hamby also looked as though he had too much to drink that night. If that helps, detective.

Detective: Yes, it does. Thank you Nikita.

Nikita: Detective, you know, I do not perform for another hour…and I’m bored in this little
dressing room. I would enjoy the company.

Detective: no can do, Nikita. I have a case to solve.

Nikita: Good night, Detective. Come back tomorrow, I will store the VIP room for you with some of my best girls.

Detective: Until tomorrow then. Good evening and stay warm.

(Music in background during monologue)

Detective’s voice: Where do I go next? This was boggling my mind. It was near midnight. I felt as was going in circles. All suspects seem feasible. I start to head to the crummiest place in this sorry town… 35th South Avenue.

(Hear people screaming. Cats. Any other dark ally, type noises.)



Detective’s voice: The moon seems to have trouble piercing thought he clouds, making it darker than normal. South side. Here I can find the most ruthless, greediest character in the south side of town. The streets are a wet kind of dirty. This one mansion is the only residence around. The owner’s name was never to be uttered by the locals. Jack Black. His door oozes with utter hatred.

(Knock Knock)

Butler: May I help you?

Detective’s voice: In this crummy place, even the well dressed Butler looks crooked. A complicated crooked. The kind that learned second hand from an even more crooked sort.

Detective: Yes, Butler, you may. I’m lookin to talk with Mr. Jack Black.

Butler: Do you have an appointment?

Detective: Let him know it’s his old pal, Larson.

Butler: Right this way, sir.

Detective Voice: The ceiling soared 50ft. high, the floor was recently polished, and the knights’ armor came to life with brilliance. Jack Black and I used to work together down at the station.
We were partners. Up until he started goin sour. Sold a few drugs…well more than a few. I
busted’em. I had to. It was the right thing to do. Though the right thing don’t seem so right anymore. If any one person knows about happenings all over town, it would be Jack Black.

Jack: Ol’ Detective Larson! How’s it hangin?

Detective: It’s been better. I’ve got a case. A murder. Poison.

Jack: Poison, ey? And you come to me for some information, ey? Whys should I help you?

Detective: I know we didn’t leave off on the right foot, Black, but that was seven years ago. I know Ol’ Jack doesn’t hold grudges.

Jack: I hold money grudges. That night, the nights you brought me in, that set me back on a good deal. Millions. And you haven’t come around since.

Detective: That’s a lie. I came around during that O’Hanigan case three years ago.

Jack: Oh, yeah, I remembers. Well, anyways, I don’t do favors for no one, see.

Detective: I can pay you.

Jack: Now your talkin. I may know somethin worth your time. Vinny…you know Vinny…

Detective: yeah, I know Vinny.

Jack: Yeah, wells, hes was paid a lot of money, see. A lot of money. No one knows by whoms. My moneys on the wife.

Detective: the wife?

Jack: Yeah, why not. Hamby’s gots all the money saved up. She was having an affair. Why not!

Detective: An affair? With who?

Jack: I cant tells you that.

Detective: Why?

Jack: Damn it, Larson! Take what I give you and stop ask’n questions. He was having an affair
too.

Detective: Who?

Jack: Ol’ Hamby. He was seein some girl from the Cat Club. You may know ‘er.

Detective: Missy?

Jack: Yeah. Some cute name like that. Howevers, I could be wrong.

Detective: How so?

Jack: The little Mrs. Hamby wasn’t in town that night. She got back the next morning from
Cabo, Mexico to see her beloved deads. You following?

Detective’s Voice: Not really…

Detective: Yeah I follow. But, what I don’t understand is why did Mr. Hamby give Vinny a suitcase at the Cat Club, which I assume is full of cash, and why would you think it was the wife.

Jack: She has too good of an alibi, that’s whys.

Detective: That could be tricky to handle. I mean, until I find out who her lover was and if he had anything to do with it.

Jack: She went to Cabo with him.

Detective: How do you know?

Jack: I knows these things. Trust me, don’t ya?

Detective: Why would Hamby make a deal with Vinny? It doesn’t make sense.

Jack: I’m not the detective. But I will tell you this, someone pays good money for a poison murder.

Detective: Why’s that?

Jack: It’s hard to do. You gots to make the perfect solution, then, somehow, get it in the house, slip it in somthin, and have the poor sucker drink it. It’s a complicated process.

Detective: Jack, maybe you can tell me something else…

Jack: Yeah? What’s that?

Detective: What did Mr. Hamby do exactly, that earn ‘em so much money someone would want to kill ‘em?

Jack: You don’t know? He was in the oil business. Worth more money you and I can ever imagine.

Detective: I see. Well, thank you, Jack. You’ve been a great help. And that’s a pretty little lighter you got there. Where did you get it?

Jack: Cabo (Pause). You’ll excuse me for not walking you out. I have some business to take care of. This old fool things he can take my good and not pay… I’m feedin ‘em to the rats.

(music low in the background during monologue)

Detective’s Voice: Walking out, one word haunts my mind… Cabo. I headed back to the Rat House for more answers. I didn’t know what to expect. If I let Vinny know what I know, his boys would shoot me on the spot. I light my smoke. The tobacco warms my lungs. It helps me think…bad habit though. The Rat House is just as scummy as when I left.

(Scream and Gun Shots)

Detective: What was that!?

Detective’s Voice: Run to the back alley. Push though the people.

Detective: Oh, No.

Woman 1: Missy! Oh, Missy! They’ve gone and shot her!

Sheriff: Back up, everyone! Back up now! Did any one see who did it?

Woman 2: A mad man!

Woman 1: He had a little red hat.

Detective’s voice: Abul. It had to be. Poor, lil’ Missy. She was a sweet gal. No time for mourning though. I must find the killer. I’m so close to the answer, I can almost taste it. Like many other things in this town, things keep getting more complicated. I head back to my office to drink myself to sleep. I don’t look back. I need to sleep on it.

(Music)(End of first half)

Announcer: Tune in next week and find out who is the killer and what Detective Larson intends to do to cut down on the crime in these streets. So, until next week, to be continued…

More Scripts : )

Keep those scripts coming! Looking good, but we'll need some more. Also, make sure you post cast lists also, so people know if you want them in your script. I'm glad someone wrote about Steve Irwin! That bit of news was dear to the heart *tear* : (

Oh, and another reminder.. you have to upload your scripts to the Darkness Visible folder in the R Drive! Don't forget.. that's muy importante! Print out enough scripts for everyone, too.. and if you know you're in a script, you best be printin' it.

All right.. that's all for now.. if you don't have a script tonight, you're so going to get called out. And then we'll designate someone to beat you up. : )

Peer Mentor Love,
Lily

The Cell Phone Connundrum

The Cell Phone Connundrum

Zack: Dude this is killing me!

Jason: What is it Zack?

Zack: My old wireless company went out of business, and I need to find a new cell phone provider fast, the big dance is tonight and I can’t be without a phone!

Jason: Alright well hey, the mall doesn’t close for a few more hours, most of the places are in there, we’ll be able to find one for sure.

Zack: I hope so, this could be the worst night ever!

Voiceover: 20 minutes later, the boys arrive at the mall

Zack: Alright here we go dude, who’s it gonna be.

Jason: Oh hey there’s Jake he just got Boost Mobile! He’ll be able to tell you what to do!

Jake: YO DAWG! WHERE YOU AT?!?!?!?

Jason: Hey… dawg, we’re just at the mall… with you… trying to find out what cell phone company Zack should go through….

Zack: Yeah… I’m havin a hard time….

Jake: YO DAWG! YOU GOTTA GET THIS BOOST YO! THERS LIKE, MAN I DON’T EVEN KNOW LIKE BOOST MOBILE WEB, YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN LIKE DUDE DOWNLOADABLE LIKE…. STUFF YA KNOW! YO DAWG WHERE YOU AT?!??!?! LIKE WHERE YOU AT DAWG!!!!!!

Jason: Um… alright we’ll thanks dude, hey we’ll see you tonight....

Zack: Ya dude, catch ya later….

Jake: YA DAWG, SEE YOU LATER! WHERE YOU AT DAWG?!?!?!?!

Zack: Definitly not going with them, to hell with that.

Jason: For real, what else is there?

Zack: We’ll there’s always verizon right?

Jason: There’s Brad, he just got that a few weeks ago, if its good, he’ll be able to tell us.

Brad: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW??????

Zack: Hey dude

Brad: I SAID CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW???????

Jason: Dude we can hear you just fine, you’re practically screaming at us.

Brad: YOU DON’T GET IT I SAID, CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!??!?!

Zack: Dude back off we just wanted to know about Verizon….

Brad: CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!?!??!?!?! DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM SAYING??????? CAN! YOU ! HEAR! ME! NOW!????????

Jason: Dude, what the hell.

Zack: Alright well hey lets go check out T-Mobile

Paris Hilton: OMG YOU TOTALLY HAVE TO GET THIS SUPER COOL SIDEKICK 3 IT LIKE TOTALLY JUST CAME OUT AND I TOTALLY HAVE IT AND EVERYONE ELSE DOES TO AND THEY ALL THINK ITS SUPER COOL AND YOU CAN EMAIL EACH OTHER AND LIKE GET INTO OTHER PEOPLES EMAILS AND LIKE CHECK IT AND SEND LIKE BAD THINGS TO THEM AND STUFF AND ITS SUPER FUNNY AND I LIKE IT SO MUCH YOU SHOULD TOTALLY BUY IT ITS LIKE SUPER EXPENSIVE BUT HAVING SOMETHING SO TOTALLY SUPER COOL IS SO TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!!!

Jason: Sorry dude, should’ve seen that one coming.

Zack: Ya me too, bad idea.

Jason: We’ll lets check out Cingular

Zack: I dunno dude, that little orange guy creeps me out.

Jason: Well lets go see what he has to say.

Zack: Hey little, orange dude, what would you recommend for a phone?

Orange:…….

Jason: Is service here good?

Orange:….

Zack: Dude I don’t even think he can hear us.

Jason: Dude can you hear us?

Orange….. BIAH BIAH BIAH BIAH BIAH BIAH BIAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zack: AHH WHAT THE HELL!?!?

Jason: Dude lets bounce what is going on here?!?!?

Zack: This cell phone thing sucks! I’ll go to the dance without one, my god!

Jason: For real dude, lets just use two cups and some rope.

Zack: Ya dude, that’d be totally super cool.

Jason: Word.

Chewbacca Gets A Hair Cut

Chewbacca Gets A Hair Cut

Jon Paul the Hair Stylist: Well hello there sweetie, what can I do for you you big hairy lug?

Chewie: GRRRRRRRR

Jon Paul: Oh well just 2 inches off then, that’d be super!

Chewie: GRRRRRRR

Jon Paul: Oh I see, you have a wedding coming up and your worried that if your hair looks to long while your giving a speech you have to give will be dramatically taken away from it by the amount of hair you have on your body, also decreasing your chances of picking up one of the bridesmaids.

Chewie: GRRRRR

Jon Paul: Right, sir do you prefer dandruff free shampoo or normal? We also have a really super special on highlights this week, thanks to our most favorite product producer, PAUL MITCHEL!!!!!!

Chewie: GRRRRR

Jon Paul: Oh jeez I could tell instantly, not to be a little nosy nancy, but you do have a little bit of snowflakes floating around in there!

Chewie: GRRRRR!!!!!

Jon Paul: Oh shut up I was just being funny! Look, I’m 28 and already balding, which is absolutely horrifying for a hair stylist! It’s hard to be a super cool hair stylist when you can’t even do your hair up in a super sexy way!

Chewie: GRRRRR

Jon Paul: Oh I know, its just like you said, I shouldn’t be living my life as a conformist who feels like he needs to have a super cool haircut to feel appreciated and loved. Your point about how human kind is geared towards love and the need to feel attention from others was so well put. You speak so well, I wish I had the gift of gab like you do.

Chewie: GRRRRR

Jon Paul: Well here we go sweetie, that’ll be 150 dollars!

Chewie: GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lagoona Bog 2

Lagoona Bog

Last Week on Laguna Bog:

Angel: Well dang boys its getting pretty late, I’m gonna hit up Anna Belle’s barbeque later if y’all wanna come.

Cletis: Boy I love a good barbeque but that darn girl’s with Reggie Robarge, he’s a real moron.

Angel: Well I don’t want all y’all to start getting in a tussle so you better page me before y’all come over.

Cletis: Well whats yer thought bout this bbq later tonight?

Bubba: I ain’t sure of nothing!

[Intro Music}

Cletis: I’m Cletis

Bubba: I’m Bubba

Angel : I’m Angel

Reggie: I’m Reggie

Annabelle: And I’m Annabelle

All: And This Is Lagoona Bog, the Real Orange Swamp County

Cletis: Boy this barbeque suuuuure is swell! SKEEEEWIIIEEEEE!

Bubba: Y’all got the hog legs and everything, DANG!

Angel: Boy Bubba, it means so much to me that you’d miss Lost just to see me, you’re the sweetest gator wrangler in the swamp! You guys still came evern though my sexy cousin lost his arm to that gator.

Cletis: DANG this hurts! Had to wrap it all up with salt and a grocery bag earlier but I think as long as I can eat them delicious grits I’ll be alright. It suuuure did sting but I’d do anything for you sweet thang.

Bubba: Aw you ol dog, you and your cousin are too damn perfect for each other. Oh dang there’s Annabelle, look at that Gucci dress, she knows what a lady s’posed to look like!

Annabelle: Hey y’all, hope ya like the barbeque, my daddy just killed them hogs a few hours back! There might be a few cuts of skoal on the top, Daddy knows how to spice a meal up! Oh hey Bubba, your lookin cute with that red oxford, is that J Crew?

Bubba: Well yes missy it is, cept it was white earlier but with Bubba bleedin on it an what not, it turned a few shades of ugly.

Annabelle: Well it look seeeexy on you honey! Hey I’d like to introduce y’all to my new boyfriend, Webfoot Willy.

Webfoot Willy: Well howdy y’all!!!

Cletis: Ayuk! [Whispers to Bubba] Whats that about, I thought she was textin you all week!

Bubba: [Whispers] She was! That lil hussy’s playin me for a fool!!! But dang is she fine! What’s she doin with that meat head, just cuz he’s got webbed feet doesn’t mean he’s good lookin, just lucky that’s all!

Angel: Well hey you two secrets secrets are no fun, unless there about one of them hogs in bed with ya.

Cletis: That only happened once and it was for a class project!.... I swear….

Webfoot Willy: Y’all talking trash bout me? I’ve got a 12 inch webbed boot to put up your ass if ya wanna rumble!

Bubba: Well sunshine you just picked yourself the wrong red necked, ascot wearin, grizzly wintergreen dippin, gator wrangler to mess with!

Cletis: Ayuk, here we go, BUBBA REMEMBER THE ZIG ZAG!!!!!!

Bubba and Webfoot Willy [Fighting sounds, yelling]

Angel: Aww I knew this would happen, don’t y’all get no blood on my louis bag!

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