Friday, September 08, 2006

I wish I had a single

Carolina=Jessica= J Sarah= Katie=K
J; Katie did you drink the mocha latte supreme in the fridge.
K; Yeah
J; But it was mine
K; You didn’t have your name on it.
J; Oh yeah, you didn’t have your name on the chocolate cake or the delicious sandwich.
K; You ate my cake and my ( takes a breath) First of all there are only two people that have a key to this room. Therefore, there are only two people living in hear. Meaning that only two people would put something in the( as if in sounding it out) refrigerator. Therefore if you didn’t buy it then it is not yours.
K; What about Bill?
J; The R.A.?
K; Yes.
J; What about Bill?
K; He has a key.
K; So maybe he could have come and put the illeged chocolate cake and delicious sandwich in the (as if mooching her) refrigerator.
J; So what your saying is you believe that are R.A., was just walking by and thought, gee maybe I should put some chocolate cake and a sandwich
K; Delicious.
J; Delicious sandwich in the fridge.
K; Yeah;
J; Do you actually hear the words that are coming out of your mouth or
K; It’s very logical.
J; Logical. /? (under her breath) I doubt she even know what that word means.
K; What?
J; Nothing, I mean using this logic. How did you know he didn’t leave the it for me?
K; Ha
J; Ha
K; Did I say Ha? I’m sorry Imeant ( starts to laugh) Ha ha ha ha ha hah.
J; What’s that suppose to mean?
K; Well look at you.
J; What?
K; It’s not just how you look it’s your voice.
J; What’s wrong with my voice.
K; Well your so manly.
J; Manly?
K; You walk around stomping and yelling who ate my chocolate cake I’m going to eat you rah. ( princess voice) Who ate my chocolate cake, I’m going to eat you rah. You know more like me . And by the way if your name nots on it it’s community property unless it looks delicious then it’s up for grabs.
J; Are those my pants?
K; I don’t see your name on it.
J; Katie.
K; Yes?
J; ( In a princess voice) Sleep with your eyes open? (slams door)
K; She’s so up tight. Hey, what that’s suppose to mean.

i don't think that this script works as well as some of your other scripts. It may be because of the time of night it was written, but it is a bit confusing when read over. I know what the general idea is and where it is going but you are more interested in rushing through the scenario instead of playing it out to see where it will lead you. Slow it down and really let them go at it and discuss the issue of the food in the fridge and then its growth into other issues that can come up between roommates. It is just too abrupt and switches quickly. Also, you have a tendency to write dialogue that depends a great deal of intonation, interruption and characters being able to finish each other's sentences. With your script on the Payback scenario, it works quite well because it is a commercial and we know how those are supposed to work. Here that format doesn't work as well because the characters aren't formed for us and the situation isn't given time to develop.

Take your time, Sarah.
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