Wednesday, September 06, 2006


Here is a little piece I am posting for Seth. It could be a good one for next week.

Characters: (more will be added when their turn comes)

Frank – Gets all of the ladies despite his best efforts. Things always seem to go wrong for Frank, mistakenly breaking a glass or a ladies heart. His room is a mess and he tries to appease everyone all the time but lacks the drive to meet all of the opportunities he has wanted for himself. At the end of the day, he’s just a good kid.

D – Quiet and methodic. He often has all the ideas and answers but either doesn’t verbalize them. He loves Frank but is consistently pissed off by something or other he does. A virgin, he has all but given up on women despite the repeated attempts of everyone else.

S – Jovial and easy going, nothing fazes him. He is simultaneously occasionally self conscious and often relies on others for help. He is often the instigator but at the same time he is often the one who moves to get things done, to help right wrongs and to make people feel better.

Narrator: Lights come up on the room. Sitting on the fouton are two kids playing video games with spirit. They are moving with the controllers, swaying Mario with their own bodies. Rock music plays lightly from the speakers while Frank is curled up on the top bunk, snoring loudly but looking comftorable, his blankets wrapped tightly around his scrawny body. S and D are watching the festivities and appear somewhat bored. Pictures of women in bikinis adorn the room which is a mess, laundry and pizza boxes are strewn across the room.

S: I am so sick of this game.

D: I love this game.

S: Now I’ve already warned you, but im telling you again so I don’t feel bad when I make you cry. If this horrendous game is
seen in my apartment I will smash it into little pieces and eat them.

D: Sure you will

S: Try me. Want to go smoke a butt?

D: (Slight pause to assess the situation) I thought you’d never ask. Its not my turn for a while anyways.

S: Good then
(The boys walk to the porch and slide over to the side to allow the next person entry onto the small porch)
D: Don’t lock us out again, you know that we don’t have a doorknob on the outside.
S: You really need to fix that, it’s not so hard. Stop being lazy.
D: You stop being lazy…got a light?
S: Ya, here you go. (They both light up and enjoy their first drag, Beat) I don’t know David, you knew me when I was a freshman. I was Johnny College! Everyone knew me, I was always around, I saw hundreds of people a day and never lived in my room. I was a transient or something like that…a vagabond…My life was everyone else’s, I was a little piece of everyone’s college story. But now…don’t get me wrong…I’m just as happy, if not happier than I ever was, but its…just different. I hang out with the same four people every day, you, frank, Mikey and Scarlet. That’s my life, a revolving circle of four people.
D: “I see what your saying, but really it isn’t like that. That’s what happens to everybody. Look at our parents, that’s the way that they evolved. They only have a few friends now.
S: My folks don’t even like their friends! I’m 20 and still in college! I don’t want to turn into…”
D: Your not! You are just getting a little older. Maybe you have little friend meters with all of your friends. You stick with the ones who you really care about and the ones that you aren’t so passionate about, acquaintances, they come and go. They aren’t really that important to you. It’s like Darwin.
S: Natural selection of the most caring and decent. Weed out the playboys and the morons. Just employ he kids you can tell your deepest darkest secrets too.
D: Let’s hope so.
S: We should have a contest of everyone we know, there should be a trivia contest, tests of physical strength and we should attach monitors to their bodies or something. Test the friendship.
D: (Sarcastically) Yes, perfect, just a few tweaks and its…stupid…Hey, give me a drag of your clove, I haven’t tried the vanilla ones yet. .
(S passes D the butt)
S: Don’t get it all disgusting, I know that you like to slobber all over your cigarettes.
D: YOU DO THAT! (Laughter)
S: I guess you’re right. The people I spend the most time with are the people that I am most adamant about. The rest are just extras in my play.
D: They might be extras, but they do make it interesting. (With gusto) All of the world is our stage…(Beat)What if we didn’t know Carl?
S: We’d miss out on a lot of sleaze
D: And attempted rape…
S: That fucking kid…one the bright side, he makes guys like us look a lot better
D: Good call.
S: I’ll rape them with kindness. (Beat) why is it d that we always have these good talks on the porch smoking butts.
D: I don’t know, I guess that’s just the way. (Long Beat) You know, when I used to get wasted, I would love nothing more than to think and discuss. It’s a perfect time to discuss and reflect.
S: Me too. No one ever bothers to chat anymore. (Sarcastically) I blame the schools….and video games. They are like crack for stoners. (Beat) We should go DO something.
D: (Almost enthused) We could…no…too hot for physical activity…There aren’t any good movies out, and I’m not in the mood for video games…plus, those kids are probally still inside.
S: Kick them out.
D: Nah, I think they brought a handle of Vodka to keep up here.
S: Well then, they can stay.
D: (Still thinking) I’m not hungry and I don’t have any money anyways.
S: Well then, I guess all we have then is each other.
D: Gay (laughter) (Finding fodder) Wait a minute, aren’t you a Madden addict?
S: buying that game was the worst thing that ever happened to my sex life and sleep schedule!!! I’ll wake up at six in the morning to play that god-damn game and I have caught myself NOT looking at Scarlet when she changes!
D: You have a problem my friend….
S: Tell me about it.
D: I’m going to do you a favor and break that game.
S: I will break your face.
D: Haha.
(Beat, awkwardly S pats D on the shoulder)
S: Good talk D
D: Why do you always say that? Get some new material.
S: I was being serious!...but ya, I probally should work on it…Good talk D
(The boys head inside and to their computers. D checks for any breaking news…its his hobby. S wanders around, touching things and organizing some pizza boxes)
S: (To the kids on the couch) Do you kids want to clean some of this shit up? I know I don’t live here but I spend all of my time here.
(Everyone playing the video games mumbles and makes some half hearted promise)
S: D, want to have another one? Its SOMETHING to do that’s not getting mad at the idiots in here staring at that damn box.
D: Ya, give me a second…did you know that scientists in Alaska have proven that animals actually think like little people?
S: You know, I didn’t, but thanks for the update.
D: I try.
(Back to the porch again)
S: I’ll trade you a clove for a MAlboro Light.
D: Deal.
S: Would you look at that sunset? I can not believe that after a day of horrific rain and lightning that there can be a sunset so beautiful. It’s like a reward for a cruddy day.
D: Every night that’s what I see. And every morning…well not really every morning…well not really any morning, I never really have gotten up that early.
S: I get it.
D: What I’m trying to say is that no one really notices it. No one really pays attention to the sunsets or anything else for that matter.
S: Everyone’s heads are looking at their shoes…or their cell phones
D: I can see so much from up here. Yesterday, there was a snake just chilling on the top of the shrub. Anyone who saw it walking by would have freaked out but he was just hanging out, basking in the sunlight, probably waiting for a snack.
S: Or a campus cat. You love snakes D. you are probably the only person I know that would like to play with that snake.
D: What? Snakes are awesome. I would have run down the stairs to grab that snake…if only I wanted to walk all the way down those stairs. But that’s not the point.
S: Well get to it.
D: There is so much going on down there, there is a beautiful rose garden that everyone walks by. Flocks of birds fly around here and attack each other. Even the squirrels are cute. Some people see a picture or an expansive lightning storm or a beautiful sunset and it fulfills them and makes them happy. Why don’t they just look up from their IPods and smile. There is a lot to look at.
S: (Yelling down to no one walking by) You’re all sheep!! Products of the technical generation!
D: You may think its all fun and games…
S: No, I get it, you’re right. Sometimes we take this all for granted. Every night’s a free show if you know where to set your gaze.
D: It’s a good time.
S: Last 4 years to look up and smell the roses.
D: No its not, you’re too caught up on this college thing, its just another phase. Beauty doesn’t end here, you have the rest of your life if you know where to look.
S: Touché D. That being said, the way you talk about snakes…I think you might want to sleep with one.
D: No!
S: Come on D, all you fantasize about is retractable fangs and you go on and on about their ability to eat massive objects…and they never call and you all you need is a turban and a recorder to lure them. It’s your dream D, oral pleasure without striking out all the time.
D: Touché S.
S: One day D, one day. I’ll get you laid, but if I don’t…ill get you a cute python or is an anaconda more up your alley?
D: Shut it.
S: Whose inside? Did Frank go to class?
D: (checking his watch) Let’s hope so, it started 5 minutes ago. Those kids are probally still playing the Xbox, don’t they ever have class?
S: Bet you a punch in the face he’s sleeping.
D: I will not take that bet, I GUARENTEE that that moron slept through class yet again.
(The enter the room to find Frank snoring loudly, his alarm beeping quietly)
S: Let’s just wake him up with a punch in the face
D: haha, or we could have some fun with him…
S: why don’t we grab that god-forsaken air horn he has and get him moving…
D: (chuckling) well, he does have to be at class…
S: (Towards the couch) Hey kids shut up for a second, your about to laugh your ass off. (While rummaging through Franks things) What is this? Gross!! That banana must be a week old! You’ve got to get this kid to clean…
D: Believe me, I try.
S: You should try harder. This is room is so dope, you don’t even know how many ladies you would get is this place were clean. Add some mood lighting, some Barry White…
D: One day…
S: (Franks desk is strewn with papers, odds and ends and occasionally has ants that crawl around, apparently they have laid claim to a new home) Sweet Caroline! There is no much nothing in this drawer…he never will use all of these highlighters, I’m pocketing a few…ahh, here we go, under the condoms…get ready for this Franky!
(The camp time wake-up song Revilere is played on air horn. As the first few bars play out, Frank flies out of bed screaming in horror)
Frank: …rabble rabble…What the hell is going on? You son of a bitch…
S: At least I’m not late for class jack ass!!!
Frank: No I’m not (glancing at the clock) WHAT!?! I set my alarm clock!
D: Next time try turning the volume up, or snoring quieter
Frank: I don’t snore
S: No, you sound like a buzz saw. It’s a miracle how any girl ever sleeps over your room with a drum solo in your nostrils.
D: Or can stand the stench of a rotten banana on your desk drawer…you are filthy.
Frank: Hey kids…shut it. I’m tired and I just got woken up by my OWN air horn and insulted.
Both of you sit down and chill out because I need to get my books and get the hell to class.
S: Have a good sprint my friend
Frank: (while stuffing books and notebooks into his bag) oh I will…I will…does anyone have a pen? (Beat) thought not.
D: Have fun in class sweetie, we’re going to play some Frisbee.
Frank: grrrrr

S: Hey, look at that cat…(sappy sweet) hey little kikky cat, you little cute kitty, want to come to my apartment and play in my room and make me a little sneezy weezy boy.
D: That car just missed him.
S: Those stupid kids and their hippy-hop. What are those collar popping white kids trying to prove with their bass speakers. Congratulations, your car is loud, I’m impressed, now try a little suavity next time instead, you’ll attract more women.
D: (Hopeful) You think that the bass speakers really work for those guys?
S: I think that that kitty would be perfect for my apartment. He’s free, cute and right there…I don’t even have to stop at Petco. I wouldn’t even tell the people at my apartment complex and hope to avoid the fee.
D: I bet he has rabies…or is probably crazy…I wouldn’t take a campus cat.
S: But then I could just do it impulsively…I was sent by God to save that kitty mom, it was in the best interest of the cat.
D: She’ll still kill you, and your house will smell like cat piss all the time, you’ll never clean the litter box.
S: Yes I will
D: No, no you wont…hey, that cats walking towards Frank’s car, is he…did he…no way!
S: What?
D: The cat just sprays on Franks can! All over the tire.
S: (Opening the door) Hey Frank! A cat just pissed all over your tire?
Frank: (lumbering towards the door) are you kidding? Where is it? I’ll kill that monster.
S: You know what would make me respect you forever Frank? If you caught that cat, bit his head off and fastened it to your hood, warning all the cats to back off.
Frank: Um, no, but I will get that son of a bitch…Hey, you, kids on the couch, if you find that cat for me, there is a bounty on its head. You will be handsomely rewarded.

And how do you all think this will work on the radio?

It is a lot of talking, and by that I don't mean that we don't have talking in other scripts, that is all we have, since it is radio, but in the sense that they talk but there really is not any plot, it is not going in any direction, so the focus will really be on the actors to direct the focus and attention of the audience.

I think it can work, but it is not a script that can just be acted on the radio without practice. In addition, i think the conversations on the patio/back porch are a bit more interesting than the one's that take place inside the apartment--just something to think about--perhaps strike the Xbox stuff and stick to the relationship issues.

Cats are always funny, just look at our first week's show.
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