Friday, September 08, 2006

I'm not sure yet please don't read it

This is not even close to being finished but I’m posting it so it doesn’t look like I’ve been doing nothing. Please don’t read it. I don’t have a title yet.

1; Where were you I waited forever for you and you never showed. I spent three hours just sitting and waiting and sitting waiting. You just didn’t show up2;Hey I thought you were coming. I knew your car was red from the pictures you sent. So every time I saw a red car I’d run to the end of the street and wait. 3;Just one time. I needed you to keep your promise just one time. I needed you to not break one promise. 1; I spent the morning cleaning so everything would be just perfect. After all I haven’t seen you in so long.2; so long since I’ve seen you. I wondered if you still smelled the same. You always had this scent about you3; Cigarettes you always smelled like cigarettes and alcohol , Your clothes your hair. 2; Your car was so huge. I remember when I was a little boy and I remember getting inside your truck and feeling real small. Then when I sat next to you I felt even smaller. But I liked that feeling. It was like the whole world disappeared when I was in your truck. It was just you and me. 3; It was you and me for me for just a brief moment. Then it wasn’t ever you and me. We’re twins were suppose act the same be together. Except you started to lead a fast life and left me in the dust.
1; Dust everywhere, dirt all over your clothes. When I came up that weekend I had all your laundry done. I even ironed your underwear. I cared so much about you. 2; I cared so much about you.3; I cared so much about you. 1;I remember how happy me and you once were. You remember that time when it was our anniversary and it was on the same weekend of you and your dad’s father son weekend. I was so angry with you because it was are 3 year anniversary and you weren’t going to be there because you were spending that time with your dad. You cut the weekend short because you wanted to be with me. I remember you used that abandon house we use to always go to and surprised me with rose pedals leading up the stairs and candles lit every where. I still don’t know how you knew I’d go there. Or how long you waited in the for me . I remember right as I got to the top of the stairs you began to play the violen and there was a candlelit dinner and a bracelet lying on the table and engraved were the words I’ll never let you out of my heart. It was such a magical night. You never forgave me for that because that was the last time your father was well. Something changed in you when your dad died.
3; When dad died me and my Katie were only six. Our oldest sister Kitty was twelve and she understood the concept of dad leaving and never coming back a little more than we did. My mom was always crazy to me. I remember this one time when she forgot to make dinner. Well it was the first time she forgot anyways. And I remember my oldest sister Kitty was at rehearsel for a play she was in. My twin sister Katie and I were starving and we went in and asked mom for something to eat. So she went in the kitchen took out a skillet cracked all the eggs left in the carton into a really tall pot and threw the egg shells on the floor and then filled the skillet with oil. When the oil didn’t’ reach the top she filled the rest of it with water. She then put it on the stove and turned it up to the highest temperature she could. She then poured cereal down the drain and gave us a bowl of milk. Then she went into the bathroom lit a bunch of candles turned on the water for the tub and took a nap. Now, I don’t remember what caught on fire first all I remember is sitting on the other side watching fire fighters rescue the house. I remember my sister holding me under one arm Katie under the other kissing are foreheads and telling us she’d never abandon us like moms mom did. While all this was going on my mom sat in the car with her hands on the steering wheel and her keys in the car door. Yes that was my mom.1; My mom baked cookies. And she cooked and clean and waited hand and foot on my dad. Whenever he gave a command she never questioned it she just did. My mom was a walking doormat. My mom and dad seemed so happy together. They loved each other so much. I wanted that happiness. I wanted to be as happy as my mom. 2; My mom hated my dad. He equally felt the same about her. At the beginning it was good. Well it was never really good. They didn’t seem as happy as all the other parents. They never held hands or kissed in public or kissed at all for that matter. That was normal for my parents. When I was thirteen my parents had their first arguement in front of me. The word again and phrases like why do you always have to bring this up let me know that this wasn’t their first fight. My parents were really good at hiding this hate they had for one another up to this point. I heard conversations like this more and more often until it was a daily thing. Sometimes it would be over small stuff like drinking out of the carton or my mom would shout why are your socks always lying around everywhere. I guess they could no longer hide it. Or maybe I just never wanted to see it. Then again who wants to see there family falling apart.3; A part in a Broadway musical not just any part the lead role she got it, Kitty was on her way to becoming a star she yelled through the house. I wasn’t to thrilled about her announcement because I knew she wasn’t taking us with her. I was at airport hugging her goodbye and I remember crying and not wanting to let her go. She looked down on me and said remember that night when mom almost set the house on fire. How can I forget I said. Remember when I took you and Kathy in my arms and I said as long I’m living I ‘ll never abandon you like moms abandoned us. Remember, Kathy I’ll always watch over you and no matter where life takes any of us, us three will always be together. I need this Kelse it’s time, it’s time I went out and did something with my life. But you are doing something I said I could feel the tears coming, your being my sister why can’t that be enough for you. I’m 21 years old Kelse I feel like I’m 50. I been taking care of you and Katie and mom for the past eight years and I need to just take care of me for once. I need to find out who I am before it’s too late. What are me and Kathy suppose to do while your out finding yourself. You and Kathy have each other. Besides I’ll be back Kelse I swear, pretend we’re all going off to summer camp and we’ll all see each other again in a couple of weeks. Okay Kelse, I love you. This was different. I knew it was forever. Kitty wasn’t coming back, Kitty was leaving1; Leaving and going away to college no you can’t be he can’t be. We never quite the sameI was losing my boyfriend my friend he was my everything3; Everything was going to change after that. I spent a day just lying in my bed looking at pictures back when dad was alive. Looking at how beautiful and happy mom was, he really was the love of her life and something like that can completely shatter someone. I spent three more days looking at pictures of just Kitty, Katie and I. Katie took the news even worse than I did. All three of us were really close. Even though Katie and I were twins. She seemed to be closer to Kitty than to me. Those two did everything together, don’t get me wrong they never left me out or anything but those two had an even stronger bond. Katie didn’t even show upto the airport because it hurt her so bad. I still remember the look on Kitty face when she asked where Katie was and I said she isn’t coming. Kitty’s told me tell Kathy I’m not angry but disappointed and right now your sister is breaking my heart. I told Katie later on that night what Kitty said and she replied she doesn’t have a right to be angry me not showing up was fair. I guess Katie figured Kitty deserved it because she broke her heart first. After that Katie stopped taliking.

2; Talking we were just talking my dad said to my mom. Talking my mom said I surprised you could manage to do that with her tongue that far down your throat. Are we going through this again my dad said BECAUSE I’M NOT CHEATING ON YOU DORTHY. You’re a liar she said That was the first time I ever heard my dad yell at my mom. I knew it would never be the same after that.At one point were happy
Happy at one point and you did the sweetest thing
And you did the sweetest thing I remember There was this one time when we were in this restaurant and my mom thought or maybe she did see my dad checking out the waitress and she said to him put your tongue back in your mouth before I do it for you. What are you talking about he says. Are you going to deny it? Mom said. I don’t know what your talking about Dorothy said my dad said in a hard tone to my mom. Then he followed it with ah your crazy and then he looked at me and said all women aren’t crazy I just happened to get the bad apple in the bunch. I’m crazy mom said Oh I’m crazy she repeated even louder. Why don’t you tell your son who, as she began to dig deep in her bag tell him who it is John. Tell him and she dug deeper and deeper emptying out the contents of her purse. I just remember thinking, no it was more like hoping that she’s lieing that there’s nothing in there, that the fight would just end and my dad would say what’s new in school and my mom would say we’ll talk later, your right, now isn’t the time. But no she then pulled out a napkin with words written in lipstick and put it on the table. My dad said now is not the time Dorothy. Then mom said in a really slow with more hatred gathering as she said each word I want you to look your son in the eyes and tell him who your fucking because it damn sure isn’t me. The tears started to well up in my eyes as he turned and looked at me. Sam he said in a low calm voice your mothers crazy I would never do that to her. I would never do that to you. After all I do for the family and your going to treat me like this. I go out everyday and bust my ass for this family and your going to treat me like this. For the last time I’m not fucking cheated on you Dorothy. With tears dripping down her eyes my mom said You’ll lie to the very end. You know what John you forget I do the laundry. Next time, don’t leave this in your pocket and on the table sat ladies underwear. My dad started to cry I couldn’t believe that I’ve looked up to this man since I was a little boy, my hero would do something like this. I couldn’t look at him. Sam my dad said Sam listen to me my entire image of him was shattered. I knew from that moment forward things will never be the same.

Remember when dad died we were young I know, it was a long time ago. Mom just couldn’t handle it. Her sense of humor left completely. Her body was there but it just seemed empty. She started drinking heavily so she could cope with pain Dad died but he died along time ago. I remember when you came in so drunk you couldn’t stand up straight.
. Why don’t 2; I remember that one time when I was seven and the fair was in town. This was the first time I was tall enough to ride anything but the kitty rides. You and I had a fever and I was sick the whole weekend so I couldn’t go. The only day left was Monday during school and everybody went and you pulled me out of school and we rode everything and ate everything insight. We ate the world that day, we had so much fun that day. Why didn’t you love me?Why did you leave?I needed you Remember that time when our big sister kitty took us shopping it was her first paycheck and she said I’m going to spend it on my little sisters. We would do everything together. We went to all her rehearsels, plays. She came to everything we did. Man we did everything together.
Were you ashamed is that why you didn’t come back. Dad I had forgiven you could have come back anytime.
1; We were studying for an Algebra 2 and there was this one problem that Henry just couldn’t figure it out. So I went through the problem and finished it for him. The answer is seven I said to him. Well aren’t you a little genius he said. I’ve been working on this problem for twenty minutes and you solve it in twenty seconds. You make me feel like an idiot you know that. I’m sorry I said I was just trying to help. It’s not enough that you’re a year younger than me and we’re in the same math class but no you have just keep proving how fucking smart you are. I didn’t know what to say, how to react. So I said your just stressed I said it’s to soon maybe you should take a year off first before you go to school so you can handle it. He said I’m handling it just fine why do you think I’m not. Is it because I don’t come running to you to cry every damn day, telling you about my feeling and don’t express every damn emotion to you. Is that why you think I’m not handling it. I said relax I know what your going through. He looked at me and said you don’t have a fucking clue what I’m going through. You just want me take a year off so I can graduate with you. Your selfish you’ve always been selfish. I could have spent my dad’s last good weekend with him but no instead you had to throw a fucking hissy fit and make me spend it with you. I’m sorry I said I didn’t know I didn’t know. Save it he said save for someone who cares. Then he left. The last time we really talked.
2; You wrote although you never came to visit you wrote
3; A letter every week at first.

1; The relation was over but neither one of us could break it off I loved him to much and I knew that deep down inside he still loved me that one day he’d remember the good times we had
3;She would remember the good times we had.
2;He would remember the good times we had.
1; And one day he come back to me.
3;One day she’d come back to me.
2;And one day he’d come back.
1;.I remember I once asked my mom why didn’t you ever question anything daddy says or does and she responded “love will do that to you.” So with out any question, I waited.

1; I heard voices in the background I knew I heard voices. My mom said trust you must always have trust if anything, in a relationship. So I waited.
3;My dad was worth a lot of money when he died and some how it almost all of it managed to leave. I don’t know what my mom wasted it on. It was all gone so I got a job
2; I got a job because my mom wasn’t going to take my dads checks. We didn’t have enough to live off of. I loved playing soccer but I had to quit so I could a part time job to make the work load easier on my mom. So I got a part time job
1; I got a part time job to keep my mind off of him. How pathetic was it for me to think of all the time.
3; There was work and grades and getting into college. I felt like everything was crashing down on me and I just couldn’t handle it anymore. I couldn’t handle it anymore and mom just seemed to be getting worse and my sister I needed my twin sister, I needed her more than ever. We hadn’t really talked since Kitty left three years ago. She sent letters and post cards She started got into it with this guy he was bad news. He was in to all types of drugs. He

Since you didn't want us to read the script, I didn't read it but I did skim it. When you are ready I will be glad to give it a good read over to give you feedback, but I can tell you this right now.

You don't want to do this piece live. It has a sense about it that won't stand for mistakes and the right tone needs to be crafted. Instead, this is a script that should be rehearsed a number of times for tone and direction and then taped in advance, so errors can be corrected and multiple takes can occur. I say that in the sense that you want the best script possible to be done on the air.
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