Friday, September 08, 2006

This my second installment of my Iraq piece.

Its between 1/3 and 2/3 of it so far.
I gave them names(Jack and Wayne) and two other characters were introduced(Murhpy and Philip). Seth and Johnny are Jack and Wayne, since they did the two voices of the brothers in the last show, Seth being Wayne and Johnny being Jack, and I need two other people to be Murphy and Philip.

Iraq 2

(sound of trucks moving)

(volume of truck lowered, but still playing)

Murphy: So what’s your name?

Jack: Private Jack Johnson, This is my older brother Private First Class Wayne Johnson..

Murphy: Brothers? Never seen that yet, two brothers in the same squad. What was your name again, Wayne?

Wayne: Yes, Private First class…

Murphy: You don’t have to announce yourself with your rank, your sleeve already tells me that. My name is Sergeant Bartolemule Murphy, just call me Murphy.

Philip: and I’m Second Lieutenant Philip Brown. Just call me Philness.

Wayne and Murphy (at same time): Philness?

Murphy: Why did you just give yourself a nick name?

Philip: why are you asking so many questions?

Murphy: Permission to speak openly Lieutenant.

Philip: Permission grant…

Murphy: that is the stupidest nick name I have ever, Ever heard.

Philip: You know that’s grounds for court martial.

Murphy: Under what charges

Philip: For not agreeing that philness is the awsomeest nick name ever.

Jack: Awesomeest?

Philip: yes awesomeest.

Murphy: Philness and awesomeest in the same sentence. (chuckle) How ever did you ever get your degree?

Philip: Your guess is as good as mine.

Wayne: (chuckles)

Philip: (chuckle) Anyway, How did you two get in to military?

Wayne: Well, I joined about 4 years ago. I didn’t have enough money to get into a college, or so I believed, and after basic and advanced training, I went straight here to Iraq. I spent most of my time near Baghdad, but this is the first time I’m actually leaving the Baghdad area. Every time I get back into the states, I take one or two class at the local community college.

Murphy: How many credits do you have so far?

Wayne: None, Everytime I take a class, my unit would get pulled back here to Iraq.

Philip: really? You should have taken the ROTC program, they would paid the rest of your college.

Wayne: Yeah I know, but apparently my guidance counselor decided to forget about that little program and suggested I join immediately.

Jack: I wanted to kick her ass after I learned about that program too.

Murphy: Hmm? You had the same guidance Counselor?

Jack: Yeah, we went to the same high school.

Philip: So What’s Your story.

Jack: Almost a mirror image of his. Literally the same story. Same guidance counselor too.

Murphy: You think you would have learned from what your brother did.

Jack: We had a bad guidance counselor.

Philip: How did you guys get assigned to the same squad?

Wayne: Chance, coincidence, divine intervention, who knows.

Philip: Interesting.

(sound of trunk stopping)

Murphy: Whats going on?

Philip: I don’t know, Let me go check it out.

(sound of footsteps, then a flap of a tarp moving, then jumping on to the floor)

Jack: What could it be?

Wayne: I don’t know.

(Sound of tarp moving)

Philip: Someone spotted a few possible IDE’s up in the road. Their going to check it out, Just hang here for a bit. Keeps your ears open though, 9 times out of 10 it isn’t, but there is a chance it a decoy for an ambush. The other 8 times out of 10 it a regular IDE. The worst is if the IDE is remote detonated, leading to an ambush. So cock your guns just in case.

(sound of tarp moving)

(sounds of guns cocking)

I think this script works much better than your first one last week because it takes time to develop the characters out, plus you interject some humor into the bit with the "philness" comment as well as the take on the guidance counselor.

What are you going to do about the truck noises? You also need to make sure that the realizes that these characters are in Iraq early on, don't you?

I also wonder about the behavior of the second loot. Would he really be that goofy? How would he command any people and have anyone respect him?

You are looking to create a serious piece here so by crafting a character that doesn't fit and behave in the manner of the world you are crafting makes it stand out.

You will also need to make sure your actors rehearse this script and really get the patter down. It will be important to how well it works on the radio.
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