Darkness Visible Radio

Jackass Number Two

Chim Richalds – Serious (Walker)
Dutch Litford – are you kidding? (Johnny)

Chim: Good evening Ladies and gentlemen and welcome to the movie corner in the corner of the radio station! Im Chim Richalds here with my fellow movie reviewer Dutch Litford…

Dutch: Hey…hey guys!

Chim: We have got a fabulous movie for you tonight….it is an inspirational film that will have you on your feet clapping uncontrollably. This film moves you to tears of joy and sadness. It is a movie rich with romance and unforgettable friendships. It is a story of….

Dutch: Are you freakin’ serious your talking about Jackass. This is the movie were they jump in a pit of balls to wrestle with two ginormous pythons. Or were they siphon a beer into one of their anus…that was so romantic. Although, I have to say that I was a bit teary eyed…from laughing hysterically when one of them stuck a leech to his eye.

Chim: Ahh hah… but you have forgotten about the tight friendships on display. The way the characters interact with each other really shows that they are not only a cast, but a team and a family. It is truly a glorious thing.

Dutch: O yeah… I call branding your friend on the butt with a large steel penis as a great showing of companionship.

Chim: It certainly was. It was a symbol of friendship. A reminder of their relationship every time he sees it…what a great way to express themselves.

Dutch: You’re a crazy person! That is a disgraceful act that I would never perform to any of my friends even if they gave me the keys to their brand new mustang GT. It is extremely painful and no human being should ever want to go through that.

Chim: Well if you are looking for an awe inspiring performance then Jackass Number Two is the movie to see. It is an Oscar winning performance on all levels. I give this movie 3 thumbs up and nothing less.

Dutch: And my co- host is an idiot…if you’re looking for a movie to laugh till your stomach hurts and then the next scene is so repulsive you puke up all the popcorn and soda pop you paid 17 dollars and 33 cents for… then that’s the movie for you.

Chim: Well it has been a wonderful night at the movie corner I would like to thank all the people that made it possible for Dutch and I to review such a phenomenal film. Good riddance.

By Sarah Tanyhill, Amanda Moreno and Carolina Mishaan

This is a call-in radio show where listeners call in for advice on random things. The host will be J.J. He will sound very mysterious and monotone, a lot like “Wisdom” in Jenny’s Date. There will be random commercial breaks for sponsors of the show, and they will be for random, sometimes bizarre products. And the commercials will be hosted by Rich, who will be insanely hyper like he was in the Drug script.

CAST
Mr. Q = J.J.
Doctor = Rich
Caller #1 = Nate
Caller #2 = Amanda
Caller #3 = Sarah

Doctor: Welcome back to another episode of “Quips, Quotes, and Quarrelsome Notes,” we have the all-wise, all knowing, Mr. Q. ready to enlighten your lives with advice that probably won’t help you at all. Caller number one- what have you got for us tonight?

Caller #1: The past few days I’ve noticed a really odd infection- or something growing on my arm. It’s in the shape of the bodacious Dolly Parton and it seems to be getting worse as we speak. It his all started when I listen to country music for the first time last week-- Shania Twain’s “I feel like a woman” . . .Now that I think about it, I can’t get that song out of my head!

( Starts singing country music)

Caller #!: Oh my god! I’m practically possessed! What should I do about all this? Does it mean I am destined to be a country star? Am I a long lost relative of Dolly Parton’s? Am I a lost cause? You’ve gotta help me! I need some answers!

Mr. Q: Deep water and drowning don’t mean the same thing unless your dead.

Caller 1; Am I going to die?

Mr. Q; One potato two potato three potato, four. Five potato six potato seven potato more.

Caller 1; Excuse me.

Mr. Q; Why milk the cow when you can eat pizza?

Caller; Are you hungry or something, I got a real problem here.

Mr. Q; God built the world in six days but people still can’t believe it’s not butter.

(Commercial Break)

Doctor: We’ve got a great new product for all you die hard Hanson fans out there! It’s Mm- Pop, the deviously crisp new soda pop with as much flavor as there music had. . .five years ago. This sensational drink is so tantalizing to the taste buds it will feel as if the Hanson girls- I mean guys- are in your mouth. OH Yes, and for that 1% of the population that love Hanson- this amazing offer is not over yet. For just one nickel more you can have your own private Hanson concert. So you can have your hear mm bop while you drink your mm pop. The number is 555-555-5555. Once again the number is 555-555-5555. Call now, and now back to the show. Caller number two your on the line.

Caller 2; Hello Mr. Q. What does the Q stand for.

Mr. Q; People that live in glass houses shouldn’t ask stupid questions.

Caller 2; Uh

Mr. Q; If you teach a man to fish, who’s steering the boat?

Caller 2; Like what?

Mr. Q; If you can’t see the big picture, change the channel.

Doctor; Next caller your on the line.

Caller 3; Hey there umm. I have a really big problem. I borrowed my sisters diamond earrings
and then it fell down the drain in my teachers house while I was stealing answer for a the exam. Should I go back to my teachers’ house? Should I fake an armed robbery? Should I tell my sister the truth.

Mr. Q; When life gives you lemons, who gives you thirst?

Caller 3; Should I give her lemons?

Mr. Q; Why make lemonade, when you can make orange juice?

Caller 3; What?

Mr. Q; Forgiveness is Divine, patience is everlasting. If your laying down and watching T.V is
that multitasking?

Caller 3; Wait, who?

Mr. Q; When in Rome don’t drink the water.

Doctor; It’s time for another commercial break? Are tired of everyone calling you little Ms
sunshine? Is life too shiny and bright for you? Are you tired of looking at a glass as half full? From the makers of prozac when bring you nozac. This pill puts the un in unhappy. These pills are only 18.95 a bottle. If you call now will give you million dollar baby on tape. The number is 555- 555-5555. Again that number is 555-555-5555. Let the makers up prozac help you turn that smile upside down. That’s the end of are show join us next week, and remember we don’t care.

Jesus’s second coming? BS!!!!

Jesus-Me, Yeah Damn straight I'm jesus

God-J.J.

Guy 1-Eric

Guy 2-Nate

Girl 1-Sarah

Girl 2-Carolina

Girl 3-LiLy

Narrator- Seth

God-My son, Jesus, it is time for you to return to Earth. It is once again ravaged by sin, and once again, mankind needs to be saved from the burning drenches of hell, and come to salvation.

Jesus- Yes, My father, I will do as you say. For I love them, It will pain me to see them not come to heaven.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Narrator: And Now Jesus returns to Earth to bring mankind to salvation.

Guy 1: So as I was in the bar talking to this girl, some random guy says, “Hey, seats taken,” and I say Oh really, I don’t see you name on it. Then suddenly He hits me in the face with a lead pipe, drags me out side, and begins to beat the living pulp out me.

Girl 1: Oh my god, so what did you?

Guy 1: Well, I couldn’t let him do that to me, so grabbed a this 2 by 4 that was next to me and I hit him with it. Then suddenly, he runs away crying like a little girl, waaaa, waaaa.

Girl 1: wow, you are so brave. Hey I need to go to the little girl’s room for the moment. Be right back. When I get back, maybe we can go back to my place.(cute laugh)

Guy 1: He He He

Guy 2: You tell the same exact story every time and the girls keep falling for it.

Guy 1: the secret is you gotta find one of them blonde girls, they’re more gullible then a 12 year old girl in R. Kelly’s recording studio.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Guy 2: What was that???

Guy 1: I don’t know??

( more monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Jesus: It is I, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father. That woman is married, and so are you. It is a sin my child to commit adultery. The only way to be saved is…

Guy 1: Excuse me, but before you that lady comes back, I suggest you leave before she hears your evangelical hoolgans.

Guy 2: Hey what are you wearing?

Jesus: Do you not recognize me? For I am Jesus, the son of the heavenly Father.

Guy 2: (on the side) he um…I think we got a wack job talking to us.

Guy 1: Did you say your name was Jesus?

Jesus: Yes, the Lamb of God, It is a sin to commit Adultery. You are giving in to Lust, that is a mortal sin.

Guy 1: Hey, look Jesus(pronounce it hey zeus) I don’t need some crazy guy, who dressed up in costume a little early for Halloween, which I might add looks terrible, Jesus wouldn’t dress that bad, to tell me who to and more importantly, who not to sleep with. Okay.

Guy 2: Yeah, so Get out, or I’ll Make you get it.

Jesus: Your aggression is not need, But your soul and covered with sin and

Guy 2: Alright that’s it.

Jesus: Hey what are you doing?

(sound of scuffle)

Jesus: AHH!!

(splash of mud)

Guy 1: Get outta here you creep.

Guy 2: Yeah and say out.

Jesus: wow, this salvation thing is going to be harder than last time.

Narrator: Jesus has hit a little snafu there, but he keeps on truckin’

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: what did you get on your final?

Girl 3: I got 90. Good thing I decided to take that cheat sheet you gave me. The questions were so hard. I would have never figured out on my own. How did you get the questions in the first place?

Girl 2: I bribed one of the security guards to let me in to the building and to look away. A measly 200 dollars for a passing isn’t that bad.

Girl 3: So how did you answer the questions before the test? You know less about this subject than I do. You never even opened the textbook.

Girl 2: Well, I had to sleep with one of the upper classman to get him to answer the questions. I think is name was something like Jeff Connerson

Girl 3: WHAT!!!! THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!! I’VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HIM FOR A WEEK. I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!

Girl 2: What!!! I didn’t know I swear!!!

Girl 3: AHHHHHH!!

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: What was that?

Jesus: It is I, Jesus, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father.

This Is were I got writer's block. Help through comments would be nice.

Last nights show was not too bad. I agree with stepping the energy level up a bit. The scripts we are writing are funny, so we need to read them ahead of time so we can eliminate all the laughing. Reading ahead of time would also help eliminate the monotone voice of reading directly from the script. The scripts were awesome but we still need to cast people earlier to completly eliminate the monotone voice and so people can get in character. We definitely need more arnold and some disney tunes!

Johnny

I have posted responses to the scripts that were posted last night. Please give the comments a read and fix the scripts accordingly.

It looks like you are on the road to a good show, if you all are organized and there on time tomorrow then we can put it all together in a tightly woven show.

We want to organize the news segment of the show--Nate and Carolina have provided some linking material (we might want a few more news stories).

We are looking for the update to the Honor code script, the Laundry Chat, and then all the scripts that were mentioned today in class.

I am especially looking forward to Arnold Schwarzenegger reviewing LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE.

Dr. Boles I'm having a lot of trouble revising the script. I tried to "fix it" the best I could and I don't know if it works. I saved the new version on the r-drive so read it please. I don't know if I saved the Peggy Sue correctly, but it's there. Do I have to type up that poem I read?

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=download&ufid=C5BB9CB92D2C8596

Here's a better version of the song. Just need to fix some minor problems with some simple editing. Now if I could EQ it, it would sound so much better and cleaner.

Amanda and I are writing laundry talk with the same characters as before.
Girl 1: Amber (Maddy)
Girl 2: Becca (Carolina)
Girl 3: Kylie (Amanda)
Gay Guy: Steven (Johnny)

We are putting current events into the script and making it a news-type segment.
we are going to talk about spinach, lindsay lohan, and other events. If you know of anything crazy going on in the news let us know and we will add it to the script.

Roaring essences

Cast:
Narrator:Josi
Coach: Rich
Football Players: all the guys in the class


Narrator: Roaring essences provide all the best nutrients to volumize your hair.
your split ends will be no more… leaving you with nothing but beautiful shiny sexy hair with body and bounce. Now listen to these big strong football players enjoy a wonderful shower with Roaring essence

Coach: (blow whistle) Good football practice today men… now hit the showers! (blow whistle again)
Football Players: (Moan very loud… very loud)
Narrator: Unlike herbal essences even the manliest men can enjoy it!

Johnny
JJ
Josi
Sarah

Class tomorrow will be in the pod.

See you then.