Wednesday, November 15, 2006

hi

Monday, October 23, 2006

Founding father/ancient rome

Founding Fathers/Roman Times Script

Narrator-JJ

Intro:

Amanda

Maddy

Josi

Dr. Boles

Eric

Rich

JJ

John

Seth

Nate

Adrian

Rich

Terrorist 1-

Terrorist 2-Lily

Terrorist 3-Seth

Terrorist 4

Arnold Swartzenagger

Dolph Lundgren

Founding Fathers:

General Cornwallis

General Nathanial Greene

Britsh soldier 1

American soldier 2

American soldier 1

French soldier 2

Mel Gibson

Amanda

Maddie

Lily

Dr.Boles

Eric

Rich

Walker

JJ

Arnold Swartzenagger

Terrorist 1

Terrorist 2

Roman Times

Emperor

Jesus

Judas

Roman soldier 1

Roman soldier 2

Roman soldier 3

Josi

Sara

John

Seth

Nate

Adrian

Johnny

Terrorist 3

Terrorist 4

Dolf Lundren

Intro:

Dr.Boles- Well, the sixties were fun. Alright everyone watch your step.

John- Jimi Hendrix was amazing

JJ- That was amazing. Good thing Adrian suggested Woodstock.

Adrian- I always wanted to see The Who.

Dr. Boles-Hey Nate, What’s in that sack?

Nate- Um…..tea.

Dr.Boles- Hmmmm…I’m gonna take your word for it.

Rich-We should get back to our rooms, and have some tea.

Eric- Yes, Lets.

Arnold- Hey Nate, were do want this sack of green?

Nate- Dammit

Narrator- On the other side of Rollins College

Terrorist 3(British Accent)- They have just arrived from the seventies. Should we take the bus now?

Terrorist 1(Russian accent)- No. The bus has to first recharge. When the bus has recharge, then we shall go and take the bus. We should be out of this time in 5 minutes or less. Everyone remember their code numbers.

All terrorist: Yes

Terrorist 2(German Accent)-Finally, we shall finally after months of research and planning, we are finally able to go back in time and stop the United States from ever being created. 4, you seem awfully quiet for a man who is about to stop uncreate the greatest power of out time.

Terrorist 4(arab accent)- I shall rejoice when the United States are gone. Then I shall pray towards Mecca, and thank Allah for giving me this opportunity.

Terrorist 1-So Lets makes this clear one last time. 4 and I will be going to the time the United States was first created, the Revolutionary war. There, we will give our modern day weapons to them, our RPG’s, our assault rifles, our machines guns and they will defeat the American colonies.

Terrorist 2- But Before that, we will send 3 and I to the Roman Times. There we wait till we get 1’s signal of either their success or their failure. If it was a failure, we are to find Jesus and tell him about America and tell him it is a demon place, and have him preach about it, so not creating the Americas is imbedded into the Christianity.

Terrorist 2: This plan is fail proof. We shall finally see a day without the power hungry United States.

Narrator-Back at the Darkness Visible classroom, a few minutes later

Dr.Boles- Alright, The Magic school bus has recharged, but we have to waste his trip to return this nice giant sack. You can blame Nate on that one. Arnold.

Arnold-I shall my giant muscles to throw this sack into the bus.

Dr.Boles-Alright, Nate Get in. I’m going give you a lesson on people who do drugs

(Crash sound)

Josi-What was that?

Walker-Oh my god they have guns.

(sound of gun shots)

(Yelling of panic)

Terrorist 1: No one say a single thing. I want everyone to move to that corner. Right now!

Footsteps

Arnold- Oh my god its just like my movie commando, or predator, or

Terrorist 4: He said be quiet!

(sound of getting hit)

Arnold-(werid Arnold sound)

Terrorist 4: He said everyone get to the corner. Now!

(more gunshots)

(Yelling of panic)

Terrorist 2: 3, Get on the bus and make sure its recharge and working.

Terrorist 3: Okay.

Terrorist 1: Remember; set it the bus to go to first to the year 34, then the year 1780.

Dr.Boles- Hey, what are you planning to do with the bus.

Terrorist 4: He said be quiet you American.

Terrorist 2: wait, don’t hit him. They deserve to know before they are thrown out into oblivion. We are here to destroy the United States before it has ever been created.

Amanda: Who are you people?

Terrorist 1: We are part of the Religious Coalition of the World. We a group that has lived on for a millennia and a half destroying any person, group or country which has become religiously fowl. Rome was our first successful conquest of religious purity, and through out the centuries since then, we have destroyed thousands of city and countries. We are the cause the Byzantine Empire was invaded and destroyed. We are currently slowly destroying Russia by controlling its economy and making it fall worse and worse until its collapses. The United States, we watched, has become a giant hypocritical mistake on the world created by man. For the last 50 years, this country has been promoting democracy, or at least saying it does, but what about Iran? Where was democracy when the United States joined Great Britain to overthrow the established democratic government there and put in place a dictator? It times the United States pay for its mistakes throughout history. We are going to go back in time to stop this country from ever being created and we shall use the technology in this bus to destroy any country we need to stop.

Terrorist 3- It is ready, Everyone Get on this blasted bus, now!!

(Footsteps)

Terrorist 1- Good bye, now. You shall never, see your precious America again. (evil laugh)

(if the bus has a sound when going through time, it would go here.)

Maddy-Oh my god, what are we going to do.

Arnold-Bleh what happened. I haven’t been passed out like that since I went to Beerfest in 72’ and had 600 beers per hour for a whole month straight.

Dr. Boles- Oh no this is not good, this is not good at all.

Rich- Dr. Boles we have to stop them some how. They are gonna mess with time, maybe even reverse time, and cause a rip the time space continuum and create a black whole which sucks up the earth, and grows at the rate of infinity bends time and goes into the past, present and future, destroys the entire universe,

Dr.Boles- Actually, that’s exactly what’s going to happen. How did you know that?

Rich- I read it in a book somewhere.

Eric- so now that we know what’s going happen, how are we going to actually stop it from happening.

Dr.Boles- I have a plan if this ever happened but…I didn’t plan on this to happen until I revealed the bus to the world.

Amanda-What’s the plan? We have to try anything right now to stop them.

Dr.Boles- okay this is the plan I created. I have built 2 back up buses, which special sensors and I filled them with military materials.

JJ: what are military materials?

Dr. Boles- Bullet proof vests, guns, anti-tanks missiles…stuff like that. The special sensors I put in the buses are able to trace exactly where in time the original bus went, but you guys can’t do this, you’re just college students. This plan was meant to be with people from delta force or Special Forces or something. We need trained professionals.

Arnold-I’m a trained professional, haven’t you seen my movie Commando. How I kill 5 thousand

Dr. Boles-That was a movie. You’re an actor, you can’t handle a gun if you wanted to.

Arnold-Why do you have be so hurtful?

Nate- Dr. Boles…it’s a time machine. We can go any place in time, train there, become professionals, and stop those religious wackos.

Dr. Boles-That might work…The black hole, shouldn’t grow large enough until maybe 2 years from now…and we could still follow them back in time…Alright, I don’t like but, we have to do it… but we need another driver for the other bus

Arnold: I know someone.

Narrator-12 hours later

Seth-you brought Dolph Lundgren

Dolph Lundgren-hello everybody, I hear you need a bus driver.

Dr. Boles-Alright whatever, this whole mission is just weird anyway.

Narrator-1 year and 11 months later somewhere in time.

Dr. Boles-Finally, we have trained hard for the last 21 months and have become extremely built and muscular.

Eric-Hey, I’m like Arnold when he was young.

Arnold-I can still your ass, like how I kick the ass of that alien from outer space in predator or that liquid metal robot in The Teminator 2.

Dr.Boles-Okay we have 1 month to stop those terrorist guys. In the first bus, which I names Alpha Bus, is going to be driven by Arnold with Amanda, Maddie, Lily, Eric, Rich, Walker, JJ and myself in it. In the second bus, Omega bus, will be driven by Dolph Lundgren with Josi, Lily, Sara, John, Seth, Nate, Adrian, Rich, Johnny in it. I’ve track exactly where they are, and Alpha bus will be going to the year 1780 during the revolutionary war. Omega bus will be going to the year 34, during the time of the Roman Empire. Alright, everybody, get on the buses, it time to kick ass.

Adrian: I just realized something. Why didn’t you build tanks instead of buses to chase terrorists around time?

Dr.Boles- I don’t know, but my you messed up really cool line.

Founding Fathers

Narrator: In Yorktown, during the year 1780…

British Soldier 1: Genral Cornwallis.

General Cornwallis: What is it? Do you know see that I am busy? Okay we need to keep following Greene In every battle we defeat him, yet he still eludes us. We shall cut him of here by this hill. The boy cannot escape me.

British Soldier 1: Um sir, there are two people to see you one, on Russian, one from the middle. They are wearing clothing I have never seen.

General Cornwallis: Who cares what kind of clothing they are wearing. Who are they?

British Soldier 1: They wouldn’t tell us their names, but they say they have some vital resources we can use to completely crush the rebels.

General Cornwallis: Make them, leave. How did they inside Yorktown anyway?

British soldier- they came in a strange looking carriage made of metal, and is self propelled. No horses pulling it.

General Cornwallis: No horses? Hmmm…they must be worth talking to. Fine let them in.

British soldier 1: Hey, You can meet the general now.

Terrorist 1: Greetings General, I would like to announce myself, but I would rather not reveal myself at this time.

General Cornwallis: If do not know name, then what is the purpose of talking?

Terrorist 1- Touche, General, but I can only give you my surname. 1. The person next to me will be directed as 4.

General Cornwallis(jokingly): Now where is 2 and 3?

Terrorist 1: Another time. I see you are busy planning an attack. I would suggest otherwise.

General Cornwallis: What do you mean, every battle we had over the last few months has been towards our victory.

Terrorist 1: Greene’s forces are weakening you. Each battle you lose more and more, and your supplies dwindle, but he just retreats losing less men than you and he is able to re-supply anywhere. It’s his strategy.

General Cornwallis: Then what do you suppose I do? Let him just build his forces?

Terrorist 1: Yes. Let his amass a giant army and let him attack you.

General Cornwallis: Why would I do that? That would be suicide.

Terrorist 1: Not if you have an incredibly significant advantage over him.

General Cornwallis: And I suppose you have this incredibly significant advantage.

Terrorist 1: Come with me General. I have something to show you.

Narrator: Two weeks later…

(magic bus sound)

Arnold: Okay everybody we are here in the year 1780. It is finally time for me to kick some terrorist ass, just like in my hit movie, True Lies. After this, I can finally start doing action movie again, and maybe kick the ass of The Rock or Vin Diesel.

Maddy: The sensor says we’ve arrived two weeks after the terrorist have. Does this affect anything?

Dr.Boles- Hopefully, they haven’t done too much chaos here. Amanda, where is our location in this time.

Amanda- We are fifty miles north of Yorktown.

Dr.Boles- Yorktown is probably were they are. Walker, JJ and Lily, head up to Yorktown and do some reconnaissance. We need to know if the terrorist are there. If they are, find out what have they done to influence the war in favor of the British and don’t let anyone see you.

Walker, JJ, Amanda and Lily: Yes Sir.

Arnold: Take some extra ammunition. You never know when you are going to need to blow a building. Or 2….or 15….or a whole town.

Lily: Thanks Arnold. We will.

Eric: What do you want the rest of us to do?

Dr. Boles- We are going to find General Nathaniel Greene and find out if he knows if anything that has happened. Everyone knows so the general plan so far?

Everyone: Yes

Maddy- Once we find information on Yorktown, how do we find you?

Dr.Boles- Everyone activate their transponders every 2 hours for 2 minutes, everyone knows everyone else is. Our IPD’s can track the signal. Be careful though, the terrorist might be able to track the signal as well. Okay everyone. Lets go save the United States of America.

Eric: I need a change of batteries for my IPD.

Dr.Boles- You guys keep ruining my really cool lines.

Narrator: Back at Yorktown….

Terrorist 4: 1, the sensors have picked up the Doppler waves of the time rip, but it was unnatural. Natural time rips last for hours and maybe even days at least, but this one was only open for a few seconds.

Terrorist 1: Only one thing can cause an unnatural time rip. 2 and 4 don’t have a bus, so that would mean we’ve been followed to this time.

General Cornwallis: What has happened?

Terrorist 1: Do not worry, this can be taken care of. Send an untrained squad to that area. If we have been followed, they won’t interact with the squad at all. It might ruin their history.

Narrator: A few hours later…

JJ: Good thing we beat up that squad of British troops that was just walking by. Where do you think they were going?

Amanda: Who knows and who cares? Now we have disguises to infiltrate Yorktown.

Walker: Hey, Lily. How much farther till Yorktown?

Lily: We should be able to see it when we reach the top of the hill.

Walker: Finally, my feet are killing me.

(footsteps)

Lily: There it is, Yorktown. Everyone take out your binoculars, JJ you will watch quadrant 4. Amanad, you watch quadrant 2, Walker, Quadrant 1. I’ll Look at Quadrant 3.

Walker: Alright.

JJ: Everything looks normal here in quadrant 4. wait wait. I see …a…a machine gun?

Walker: I’m seeing a few soldiers in the barracks up in the corner of my quadrant with body armor but I also see a bunch of barracks without any kind of body armor anywhere.

Lily: Probably managed to train a few of the British soldiers. I see a few of them in my quadrant. I also see…three bunkers with machine guns. I also see the bus. No one is inside and looks intact.. Wait, I see 5 soldiers taking out…ak74’s. Three box fulls.

Amanda: I see the terrorists. They are in a room with maybe 5 other guys. Four of them just saluted to the one with the wig and left. I’m guessing that one is General Cornwallis. Everyone take mental note of what you see, all the positions of modern weapons and the bus.

JJ: Hey we have to turn on our transponders, its been 2 hours.

Lily: oh yeah, everyone turn on…Now.

(sound of bleep)

Narrator: At the same time at Yorktown.

Terrorist 4: We have four unknown signal coming from a mile away, and a group of a few more some 20 miles away.

Terrorist 1: Reconnaissance. Where was the last time General Nathanial Greene seen?

Terrorist 4: We found 4 or 5 American rebels looking on the base, which means they he is about 25 miles away. He is probably scouting for the right time to attack.

Terrorist 1: Probably, get everyone on full alert. Expect a full invasion tomorrow morning.

Terrorist 4: Yes sir.

General Cornwallis: All the men haven’t been trained with your super weapons. We don’t have enough armor for everyone either.

Terrorist 1: Do not worry General. We have enough train people to complete devastate what ever offensive they are planning and break their back bone. When he is defeated, we can train the rest of your army, and we will march up north, and defeat George Washington. By the end of 2 months, the rebellion will be nothing more than a blip in history.

Narrator: A few hours later, 20 miles from Yorktown

Maddy: How much longer till we find Greene?

Rich: We asked those townspeople, and they said 20 miles south. His camp site should be in the general area.

Eric: I think we just found it. There’s a large clearing up ahead, and a few smoke trails coming from it.

Dr. Boles: Alright, lets go check.

(footsteps)

American soldier 1: Who goes there? Hey! Who are you?

Arnold: Shall I crush him?

Dr.Boles- No, its American soldier. We are your allies and we have incredible important information for General Nathanial Greene.

American soldier 1: What kind of information?

Dr.Boles: General Cornwallis might posses weapons that could completely shift the balance of power to his side, and completely obliterate the entire Continental Army.

American soldier 2: Who are these people?

American soldier 1: These people claim to have important information about a weapon the British might have. Send them to General Greene, immediately.

Narrator: an hour later……

Dr. Boles: That’s who we are General, and that’s what the British might posses.

General Nathanial Greene-That’s incredible. How can we possibly defeat them with these you say they have?

Eric: We can bring our weapons to take out any significant weapons they have so your soldiers can come in and take over the town.

General Nathanial Greene-How will you know where their weapons are by tomorrow?

French Soldier 1: General Greene. There are four other people just like them wanting to give some important information.

Rich- That’s how.

Lily: hey Dr. Boles, we check the entire town, we even managed to get inside, and placed bombs to where they are caching the weapons, and on any modern day defensive.

Dr. Boles: Great job. General Nathanial here has a map of the town. You four put on what you found out from the town and we will formulate a plan there.

Narrator: A few minutes later.

Dr-Boles-Okay, go through the plan again.

Amanda: Just before sunrise, I’ll set off the explosives and take out the machine guns, barrack of trained soldiers, and the weapon armories.

Maddy- Then me, rich and lily will rush to the front gates, take out any soldier there, open the gates.

Rich- which is when I release the smoke grenade, signaling

JJ- Me, walker and Dr.Boles to rush to the gates.

Lily: As JJ, walker and Dr.Boles are rushing to the gates, we will go and secure the magic school bus.

Walker- When me, JJ and Dr. Boles reach the gate I will signal Arnold with a flare gun.

Arnold: then I will lead the American forces towards Yorktown.

Dr. Boles-As the American forces are advancing on the town, Me, JJ, and Walker will go up to where the terrorist are and subdue them. Then we will go to bus and go back in time and help Omega team capture the last two terrorists.

Eric: I wonder how…Wait? Is that Mel Gibson?

Mel Gibson-What?! Um…no its not, it’s Mel Gibson’s ancestor…uh….Gel Mibson

Eric-Do you really think we’re going to believe that.

Mel Gibson-umm……What’s that? A giant black hole?

Everyone: What?

(footsteps)

Eric: Damn, anyway, I wonder how Omega team is doing.

Narrator: Back in time to the year 32

Emperor Tiberius-So you are here to tell me, you are from the future and that a rebellion you were once controlling overthrew you with the help of others like you from the future and put this Jesus with 2 of his apostle, Judas and John, as their leaders?

Terrorist 2: Yes, Emperor Tiberius.

Emperor Tiberius- I should have your head on a platter for creating such a strong and rebellious a group in the Jewish region, but the weapons you have brought are said to be able to counter the weapons they have?

Terrorist 3: Yes, the people of that group have the same weapons as us, but we are more experienced than they are. We will able to train your roman soldiers with our weapons and

Emperor Tiberius- Training roman soldiers will take too long. I’ve learned from being a general that rebellions must be crushed swiftly and immediately. I must call all the legions of the Roman Empire to Rome, and we shall go on ships on the biggest fleet the world has ever seen.

Terrorist 2: But Their weapons will surely defeat your army

Emperor Tiberius- Silence! We shall send a decree to Pontius Pilate to proclaim that any citizen encompassed in the Roman and takes up arms, shall be beheaded without mercy. We shall burn down the walls of the temple of Solomon, and never have any problem from that area again.

Roman soldier 1: Emperor Tiberius, we have word of a massive and complete rebellion of the Jewish region

Emperor Tiberius-What do you mean complete?

Roman soldier 1-Pontius Pilate and the roman legions station there have joined sides with the rebellion there.

Emperor Tiberius(yelling)- ( 3 quick short breath and suck in sir to yell) Call all the Legions to Rome, There is WAR!

Narrator- In Greece, at the same time.

Nate: How much longer do you think till we reach Rome?

Sara: Probably in about a few more months. The mountainous regions of Greece is very monotonous to cross through.

Josi-Do you think they suspect we are moving an entire army through the Roman Empire on both sides of the Mediterranean, defeating any roman force we see?

Adrian-I don’t believe so. By now, they should have just gotten word of Pontius Pilate joining our ranks.

Seth- If it worked, then they should believe we are still in Jerusalem, waiting for them.

Dolph Lundgren: You should have let them come, I would have picked them up and said one my great memorable lines like I must break your or It’s Jesus time!

Jesus- You called.

Johnny- Whoa, hey people are still gonna get a kick to hear you’re black.

Seth-We know, you said every single time Jesus walks in, what ever. Where’s Judas and John.

Jesus: They are planning the best way to invade Rome. How much longer till we reach Rome.

Sara: About a few months. You seem eager to get there.

Jesus: I just want this to over with.

John-Don’t worry Jesus, it will.

Narrator: A few months later, back in Rome.

Emperor Tiberius- Where is the rest of the army? They have all should have arrived by now.

Roman soldier 1: We don’t know, we haven’t received any knew legions in the last few weeks.

(running footsteps)

Roman soldier 2(yelling): another army Approaches.

Terrorist 2: finally another legion. We need to get to Jerusalem and soon.

Emperor Tiberius- Where is it from? What flag does it bear?

Roman soldier 2: The flag of Jerusalem.

Emperor Tiberius: But the legions of Jerusalem have gone to the side of the rebels. Why would they still come?

Terrorist 3: Because it is the rebel army. 2 come here are look. What do you see in the far left of the outside of Rome?

Terrorist 2: Tanks? Tanks!! They have come this far to sack Rome? But why?

Terrorist 3: Judas wanted to divide Jerusalem from the Roman Empire, but he always talked of taking Rome itself. Jesus must have accepted his plan, to finally feed Judas’s thirst, and to have Jesus rule.

(running steps)

Roman soldier 3: (out of breath) Emperor, the rebel army… the have arrived. The legion from Gaul was defeated and was easily overridden. They shall be in the walls of Rome soon.

Emperor Tiberius- Get those weapons of yours out now.

Terrorist 3: They are ineffective against such a large and trained army.

Emperor Tiberius- You mean to say Rome shall fall?

Terrorist 2: Yes. It will

Narrator: A few hours later…

Roman Soldier 2: they are out side the door. Barricade this door immediately

(explosion)

John-Lay down your Arms Right now!!

Judas- Where is the Emperor? You get over here right now. I said Now!

Jesus-Judas, what are you doing?

Judas-Beheading the emperor, what do you believe I am doing?

Jesus- But why? There is no need to kill him.

Judas: To bad

Everyone: Ewwwww!

Judas: Take your throne. Rule the kingdom of earth and heaven.

(Magic school bus sound)

Josi-Hey, its Alpha Team

Dr. Boles- Wow, I see you had fun here, did you get the terrorists?

Adrian- Yep they’re right here.

Terrorist 2 and 3 grunts

Dr. Boles- Great, we got ours as well. Hurry, up blow up your bus and get in.

Johnny- Wait…how do we blow up the bus, we left it back in Jerusalem

Dr. Boles- Don’t worry, I blow it from here, aaaaaand its gone. Okay in the bus.

Everyone: Okay.

(Magic school bus sound)

Dr. Boles- great we’re back.

Adrian- wait, didn’t we just change history by having Jesus emperor.

Lily- yeah and having General Nathaniel Greene take over Yorktown 2 year earlier be a bad thing?

(Silence for 5 secs)

Everyone- Nah!!!.


Darkness Visible Radio

i cant get on blackboard, if anyone wants to work with me on some scripts call me cell 912 257 5188

Darkness Visible Radio

i cant get on blackboard, if anyone wants to work with me on some scripts call me cell 912 257 5188

Friday, October 06, 2006

October 3rd show

We were unorganized and not prepared in the booths, which was me. We need to be prepared before the show with all the scripts so everyone is not reading off one. We were unenergized. Our level of perfromance was low. Everyone needs to take a nap before the show. Everyone have a great break

Johnny

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

oct 3rd show

this show did not go as well as hoped. We had alot of script time and we even ran out of time, but the enthusiasm wasnt as good as last week. I think everyone was looking forward to fall break, i know i was. im thinking the show in two weeks will be the best one yet cus we have so much time off. Hopefully we'll have everything set in days in advance. We need to make sure we all have the scripts ready to go so we dont have to all look on one.

I don't know what happened tonight, but we've done worse. Right? For some reason we had the biggest amount of technical difficulties ever and it just kept going down hill. There was some positve things that occured, like Gay date and other stuff. We have fall break to recuperate. So everyone get some rest and lets blow are last shows out of the water. That's a terrible metaphor but you guys know what I mean. Oh and those that are in my script please read over it.

tonights show

i think tonight wasn't too bad.... some technical difficulties put us back in time and we had to cut a script for this week. john, i'm sorry about that. it was hard to tell because everything was moving so fast and it was hard to concentrate.

now that we have two weeks until our next show, we have a lot of time to write some awesome scripts. John, we are def. gonna get you script in and i believe we are also concentrating on sara's script that we will have to record in advance.


have a good long weekend,

adrian

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Prophet Hebrew

Narrator: Seth a jew telling the story
Prophet: ME
Bush: Walker
Mother: Rich jwe ma
Jamal: Adrian Jamaican

Narrator: Once upon a time in a place far, far, away there was a young bar mitzvah who went by the name Abraham. Young Abraham was an only child raised to be a Jew and he proudly supported his heritage. He was not like the other young Jewish kids playing with draidles minding their own business. Abraham was different. He stood up for his people and fought off evil and ever since that day they called him the Prophet.

Prophet: Shabbat Shalom mother

Mother: Good morning my angel...

Prophet: So mother what’s for breakfast

Mother: Well first off Abraham I cant let you keep living like this... you are a grown man already… and still, you live with your mother... you know our neighbors the Goldstein’s… there son has already graduated law school and started a practice

Prophet: ma is that really necessary I was working on the JLN (Jewish League of Nations) most wanted list for the people who have created acts against the Jews... isn't that enough

Mother: of course sweat heart but, how about a real career like Benjamin Goldstein

Prophet: alright ma holy Moses what about the breakfast all ready

Mother: breakfast. fine dear, but after you eat I need you to run some errands for me

Prophet: but ma what about work!

Mother: work shmurk… go to the grocery store and get your bubala the things on the this list

Prophet: ok ma love you

Mother: bye son… have a nice day at the JLN… (break… then sigh) oyyy vey is my son ever going to grow up?

Narrator: As young Abraham set out for his day he began to realize his purpose in life and it was to continue to protect the Jewish people

Prophet: Oy govult! Why is my mother so crazy? I mean all I do are her chores go to the grocery store, pick up the laundrey, do the dishes, and blah blah blah…. Uhghhh Im sick of it, im sick of her…. She does know I do have a job and on top of this what is a young jew to do!

Narrator: While the Prophet was out bickering about his over protective mother a group of evil gouy’s were planning on anhilating the holiest jewish holiday yum-kippur

Prophet: (phone rings) (havlah nigila havlah nigila havlah) Shabot Shalom…

General Shlomo: Abraham we need your help! A group of gouy’s found out the true meaning of Yum-Kippur and are brainwashing innocent Jewish children through fox tv.

Prophet: oisha moisha this is bad news… I didn’t know that Jews watch fox

General Shlomo: That’s besides the point we need to get over to fox headquarters immediately and find out what is going on.

Prophet: Yes shlomo… ill be there right away…

Narrator: Three Hours later

(Phone Rings)

Prophet: Shalom!
General: Abraham where are you!

Prophet: Its my mother I had to pick up the groceries before I saved the holiday… shes got a very tight leash on me you know… I am living in her house its my responsibility to do these chores… but I do have a job, I mean I work, I sleep, and certaintly bring income why cant she do these simple things… while kids are being brainwashed im in line at Katz’s waiting for some lox… this is misha gos

General: ughhhhh… ABRAHAM GET OVER HERE!

Prophet: yes shlomo!

Narrator: Finally… Abraham arrives at the JLN to save yom-kippor

Prophet: Shlomo whats the latest…

General: Well we have to get to fox and find out who’s behind this evil

Prophet: Cant we all just get along!

Narrator: As Abraham was planning his attack he realized he would need help from the kwanza coalition group

Prophet: Yo Jamal its Abraham the prophet

Jamal: Abe hows it goin!

Prophet: Not so hot I mean did you hear whats airing on fox!?

Jamal: Aint that about a BITCH!

Prophet: Yes indeeddy it quite a predicament

Jamal: Well what do you want from

Prophet: Well the Jewish League of Nations are playing influential jewish movies across the air on all other channels but, fox has figured out how to draw in the Jews attention

Jamal: how Abraham

Prophet: Through non usage of commercials

Jamal: Is that why Jews love HBO

Prophet: precisely

Jamal: well lets shake leg and brake open that joint

Prophet: you’re a mench jamal lets kick the gouy out of em’

Narrator: Jamal and Abraham head over to fox and see secret service agents crawling all over the place

Jamal: Yo Abe they like millions of secret service all over this joint

Prophet: this fakakta governement is probably involved what to do… what to doo…

Jamal: Calm down Abe take your inhaler (sound of inhaler) 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10… betta?

Prophet: Much

Jamal: Through the binoculars I can see that they have a stereotype alarm so Abe don’t pick up change if it drops… if theres an air bar inside share the air… and don’t forget cover up your horns

Prophet: horns? That aint true it is just a myth among the WASPY characters in this country that don’t even know how to read write or moses knows whatelse
Jamal: sorry abe but you what I mean

Abe: lets kick the anti-semtisim out of em’

Narrator: As Abe and jamal walk in, there is a basketball court on the right and Jamal couldn’t resist….

Prophet: Jamaaaaaaallllllll knooooooooooooooooo

Alarm: Brotha Alert Brotha Alert Brotha Alert

Jamal: lets scram

Prophet: Im leaving just like before the check comes for dinner

Jamal: Is that president bush?

Prophet: OMG! It is!

Bush: Hello Jamal and Abe I’ve been expecting you!

Prophet: President Bush you will not get away with this

Jamal: Yea you egotistical maniac give the Jews back there children

Bush: Just because there kind can’t resist free televesion and even if that free tele is brainwashing material just means im smarter than you all actually thought… hahahahahahahahahah

Prophet: Lets get em’

Narrator: As Abe chases bush around jamal goes and switches the tape to Danny Kaye’s act as the joker in the movie the Court Jester

Prophet: Mr. President you are under arrest on crimes against the Jews… you have any last words for yourself
Bush: Well… Yes your kind had WMD’s and I had to take preemptive measures against your kind just like I did in Iraq and im going to do in Iran

Prophet: Well Bush your time is done your going to Isreal’s toughest prison… prison whina shlieden.

Narrarator: president bush did not get what he wanted instead at whina shlieden the president received the worst punishment of all… the jewish complaining slash whining slash guilt trip punishment

Bush: pleaaasseee no more… I promise I will discontinue my preemptive strikes on any colture

Phone ringing

Prophet: Shalom

Jamal: Hey mannn hows it going in Isreal

Prophet: Ok jamal

Jamal: sorry about that alarm back there mann I saw basketball and picked up ball sorry mann

Prophet: No problem you’re a mench jamal I love you

Jamal: peace my brotha… shaloomm alaecha

The Prophet Hebrew

Narrator: Seth a jew telling the story
Prophet: ME
Bush: Walker
Mother: Rich jwe ma
Jamal: Adrian Jamaican

Narrator: Once upon a time in a place far, far, away there was a young bar mitzvah who went by the name Abraham. Young Abraham was an only child raised to be a Jew and he proudly supported his heritage. He was not like the other young Jewish kids playing with draidles minding their own business. Abraham was different. He stood up for his people and fought off evil and ever since that day they called him the Prophet.

Prophet: Shabbat Shalom mother

Mother: Good morning my angel...

Prophet: So mother what’s for breakfast

Mother: Well first off Abraham I cant let you keep living like this... you are a grown man already… and still, you live with your mother... you know our neighbors the Goldstein’s… there son has already graduated law school and started a practice

Prophet: ma is that really necessary I was working on the JLN (Jewish League of Nations) most wanted list for the people who have created acts against the Jews... isn't that enough

Mother: of course sweat heart but, how about a real career like Benjamin Goldstein

Prophet: alright ma holy Moses what about the breakfast all ready

Mother: breakfast. fine dear, but after you eat I need you to run some errands for me

Prophet: but ma what about work!

Mother: work shmurk… go to the grocery store and get your bubala the things on the this list

Prophet: ok ma love you

Mother: bye son… have a nice day at the JLN… (break… then sigh) oyyy vey is my son ever going to grow up?

Narrator: As young Abraham set out for his day he began to realize his purpose in life and it was to continue to protect the Jewish people

Prophet: Oy govult! Why is my mother so crazy? I mean all I do are her chores go to the grocery store, pick up the laundrey, do the dishes, and blah blah blah…. Uhghhh Im sick of it, im sick of her…. She does know I do have a job and on top of this what is a young jew to do!

Narrator: While the Prophet was out bickering about his over protective mother a group of evil gouy’s were planning on anhilating the holiest jewish holiday yum-kippur

Prophet: (phone rings) (havlah nigila havlah nigila havlah) Shabot Shalom…

General Shlomo: Abraham we need your help! A group of gouy’s found out the true meaning of Yum-Kippur and are brainwashing innocent Jewish children through fox tv.

Prophet: oisha moisha this is bad news… I didn’t know that Jews watch fox

General Shlomo: That’s besides the point we need to get over to fox headquarters immediately and find out what is going on.

Prophet: Yes shlomo… ill be there right away…

Narrator: Three Hours later

(Phone Rings)

Prophet: Shalom!
General: Abraham where are you!

Prophet: Its my mother I had to pick up the groceries before I saved the holiday… shes got a very tight leash on me you know… I am living in her house its my responsibility to do these chores… but I do have a job, I mean I work, I sleep, and certaintly bring income why cant she do these simple things… while kids are being brainwashed im in line at Katz’s waiting for some lox… this is misha gos

General: ughhhhh… ABRAHAM GET OVER HERE!

Prophet: yes shlomo!

Narrator: Finally… Abraham arrives at the JLN to save yom-kippor

Prophet: Shlomo whats the latest…

General: Well we have to get to fox and find out who’s behind this evil

Prophet: Cant we all just get along!

Narrator: As Abraham was planning his attack he realized he would need help from the kwanza coalition group

Prophet: Yo Jamal its Abraham the prophet

Jamal: Abe hows it goin!

Prophet: Not so hot I mean did you hear whats airing on fox!?

Jamal: Aint that about a BITCH!

Prophet: Yes indeeddy it quite a predicament

Jamal: Well what do you want from

Prophet: Well the Jewish League of Nations are playing influential jewish movies across the air on all other channels but, fox has figured out how to draw in the Jews attention

Jamal: how Abraham

Prophet: Through non usage of commercials

Jamal: Is that why Jews love HBO

Prophet: precisely

Jamal: well lets shake leg and brake open that joint

Prophet: you’re a mench jamal lets kick the gouy out of em’

Narrator: Jamal and Abraham head over to fox and see secret service agents crawling all over the place

Jamal: Yo Abe they like millions of secret service all over this joint

Prophet: this fakakta governement is probably involved what to do… what to doo…

Jamal: Calm down Abe take your inhaler (sound of inhaler) 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10… betta?

Prophet: Much

Jamal: Through the binoculars I can see that they have a stereotype alarm so Abe don’t pick up change if it drops… if theres an air bar inside share the air… and don’t forget cover up your horns

Prophet: horns? That aint true it is just a myth among the WASPY characters in this country that don’t even know how to read write or moses knows whatelse
Jamal: sorry abe but you what I mean

Abe: lets kick the anti-semtisim out of em’

Narrator: As Abe and jamal walk in, there is a basketball court on the right and Jamal couldn’t resist….

Prophet: Jamaaaaaaallllllll knooooooooooooooooo

Alarm: Brotha Alert Brotha Alert Brotha Alert

Jamal: lets scram

Prophet: Im leaving just like before the check comes for dinner

Jamal: Is that president bush?

Prophet: OMG! It is!

Bush: Hello Jamal and Abe I’ve been expecting you!

Prophet: President Bush you will not get away with this

Jamal: Yea you egotistical maniac give the Jews back there children

Bush: Just because there kind can’t resist free televesion and even if that free tele is brainwashing material just means im smarter than you all actually thought… hahahahahahahahahah

Prophet: Lets get em’

Narrator: As Abe chases bush around jamal goes and switches the tape to Danny Kaye’s act as the joker in the movie the Court Jester

Prophet: Mr. President you are under arrest on crimes against the Jews… you have any last words for yourself
Bush: Well… Yes your kind had WMD’s and I had to take preemptive measures against your kind just like I did in Iraq and im going to do in Iran

Prophet: Well Bush your time is done your going to Isreal’s toughest prison… prison whina shlieden.

Narrarator: president bush did not get what he wanted instead at whina shlieden the president received the worst punishment of all… the jewish complaining slash whining slash guilt trip punishment

Bush: pleaaasseee no more… I promise I will discontinue my preemptive strikes on any colture

Phone ringing

Prophet: Shalom

Jamal: Hey mannn hows it going in Isreal

Prophet: Ok jamal

Jamal: sorry about that alarm back there mann I saw basketball and picked up ball sorry mann

Prophet: No problem you’re a mench jamal I love you

Jamal: peace my brotha… shaloomm alaecha

Scripts for Tonight

This isn't the line up.. just a list of what we have in so far...Oh, and don't mind the asterisks.. those are for me to know which ones I'm in = )

All right.. remember.. you need to upload these scripts into the R-Drive! If you don't, your grade will most likely be lowered for not following directions, and we don't want that happening! Go through the blog and check all the cast lists so you know which scripts you're in.. and if you're in one.. print it! Don't expect the writer to have a copy for you.

And Carolina, you're going to have to help me with those Spears songs haha, because I only know I'm a Slave and Oops, I Did it Again.. but.. excited to sing nonetheless! : )

Okey dokey.. I'll have copies of tonight's line up at the show today! Get excited, get pumped, get energized! See y'all later tonight~

Peer Mentor Love <3


Jamaican FINAL

Attention Cast Members: Printing this script off of blogger will not work. For your convenience, I will print copies for everybody. See you tonight, and please look over your part.

Cast: (KEEP IN MIND IT HAS BEEN CHANGED SLIGHTLY)
Walker: Walker
Owner: Seth
Waitress: Josi
Manager: Maddy
Jamaican: Adrian
Eric in background

Jamaican Script

Jamaican goes to order food in a New York City dinner.

Narrator: A Jamaican goes to eat and meet his friend at a diner in New York City.

Sound of dishes clashing in background / people talking / some people yelling food orders at cued parts

Jamaican: We're jamming
 I wanna jam it with you,
 We're jamming, jamming
 And I hope you like jamming too.

 Man, me love Bob Marley…. Me hungry… where da waitress at. Common me hungry.

Pause for several seconds

Waitress: Are you waiting for someone?

Jamaican: Ya man.

Waitress: Would you like to order now?

Jamaican: Ya man.

Waitress: What do you like?

Jamaican: me want chaklit cake with nuff icening.

Waitress: we don’t have that, desserts are on the back

Jamaican: bomobclat...how you not have chaklit cake.

Waitress: we just…

Jamaican: with nuff icening.

ERIC: You are yelling the following dialogue in background (away from microphones). When waitress begins to say cheese cake, you yell in background [W/ NEW YORK ACCENT]
“One order of bacon burnt to a crisp, two eggs over easy, 3 orders of pancakes. Let me get two coffees and make it quick!”

Waitress: We’ve got carrot cake, cheese cake and apple pie.

Jamaican: Me want chaklit cake with nuff icening.

Waitress: What are you?

Jamaican: … I’m jamaican.

Waitress: Well we don’t got no “chaklit cake with nuff icening” so move it or lose it.

Jamaican: No badda mi. You’ve got no chaklit cake.

Waitress: I’m sorry... [sir]

Jamaican: bredda! Wagwan!

Walker: That test sucked.

Jamaican: Boy! I thought that test would have been easy man.

Walker: Me too. What are you gettin?

Jamaican: Me want chaklit cake, but she say they not got any.

Walker: No chocolate cake!? And you call this a dinner?

Waitress: We have carrot cake, cheese cake and apple pie.

Walker: How do you not have chocolate cake?

Waitress: Look, we don’t have any chocolate cake!

Jamaican: girl, Me want to speak with your manager.

Waitress: One moment.

Jamaican: And May I have a glass of water please?

Waitress walks away

Walker: How can they not have chocolate cake?

Jamaican: You tellin me man… all me want is some chaklit cake man.

Walker: So when do you go back to work?

Jamaican: Mi a-go back to work on chewsay.

Walker: Hey, good for you!

Jamaican: Ya man, thank you.

Waitress: Here’s your glass of water. The manager will be with you shortly.

Jamaican: Thanks for the glass of wata.
Pause
Cuyah, she gwan like she nice ee. She can’t even get me no chaklit cake man.

Walker: What is it with you and chocolate cake anyway?

Jamaican: Look Walker, me just in love it man. [Stretch out next sen tance] It’s a Jamaican thing man. Do you remember my next door neighboor?

Walker: Yeah, and his cute dog?

Jamaican: Ya man. That dog not cute no more man. Mista Brown dawg bite mi.

Walker: What happened?

Jamaican: It was like this man. I was takin out da trash man, you see. I put a bottle of oilleeee in front of my door. When I got back, mi bokklo of isle was bruk. Me say, “Who bruk de bokkle of isle?” And there was Mist Browns dawg man. And I say, “Why you buk me bokkle of isle dawg?” And he bark at me, so I bark man. And dat dwag bite mi man.

Walker: You barked at the dog?

Jamaican: Ya man, it was my Jamaican instinct.

Manager: Good afternoon gentleman, I’m the manager, Marhsa. What can I do for you today?

Jamaican: Marsha, I just want some chacklit cake. Your waitress says you got none.

Manager: I’m sorry, we have no chocolate cake today.

Jamaican: I’m not satisfied.

Manager: What would you like?

Jamaican: Me want this meal to be on da house.

Manager: I’m afraid I can’t do that. We haven’t done anything wrong sir.

Jamaican: You don’t have no chacklit cake!

Manager: Well it isn’t on the menu, what do you want me to do about that.

Jamaican: Put it on the menu man.

Manager: We will consider doing so in the future, but what else can I do for you today.

Jamaican: All me want is chacklit cake. Why do you have to go breakin me heart?

Manager: I’m sorry sir, we just don’t have any chocolate cake.

Owner: What seems to be the problem here? I’m the owner, Alfons.

Jamaican: Look bradda, I’ll I want is some chaklit cake. Your people are tellin me that you got none.

Walker: All he wants is chaklit cake, can’t you find some?

Owner: Are you Jamaican?

Jamaican: Ya man.

Owner: My wifes 3rd cousin is Jamaican. I’ve been to Jamaica once. It’s beautiful there. Jamaican people are very friendly.

Jamaican: Thank you bradda.

Owner: I will get you some chocolate cake.

Jamaican: Thank you maaaan.

Owner: We are sorry for the inconvenience. Is there anything else I can do for you today.

Jamaican: Just the chaklit cake man. Please make sure it’s got nuff icening.

Owner: Of course.

Owner and manager walk step back from microphones 5-8 feet of so… ITALICIZED PART IS SAID AT SAME TIME AS THE FIRST JAMAICAN LINE. THE OWNER AND MANAGER ARE TALKING IN THE BACKGROUND.

Owner: How dare you disrespect a jamaican customer like that. Go get some chocolate cake from the Cake shop down the street and make sure it has enough icing.

Manager: But sir…

Owner: Get a move on it!!!

Jamaican: He’s a good maaan that owner is.

Walker: He sure did a nice thing there.

Jamaican: Ya man.

Walker: This one is on me.

Jamaican: De nex time I will buy. Thank you maaann.

Walker: I still can’t believe that about your neighbors dog. I can’t believe he bit you. I can’t believe you barked at it!

Jamaican: hahahahaha. Ya man, it was pretty funny. It hurt though.

Walker: Yeah, that dog has some big teeth actually.

Jamaican: You’re tellin me. Check this out.

Walker: Wow, that’s a deep bite mark.

Jamaican: Ya man, whatever.

Owner: Here’s your chocolate cake sir.

Jamaican: Boboclat. This looks amazing man. Thank man, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

Owner: It’s my pleasure. Enjoy.

Jamaican: This is so good man! I feel like I’m on top of a rainbow! Me love chacklit cake with nuff icening!!!

Background dish clanking stops…

Eric’s music fades up...

Jamaican: Thank you for listening. I hope you enjoy the rest of Dark- ness Visible Radio on WPRK 91.5 FM. This is your friendly Jamaican friend, goodnight.

Laundry talk 3 Final

Girl 1: Amber (Maddy)
Girl 2: Becca (Carolina)
Girl 3: Kylie (Amanda)
Gay Guy: Steven (Johnny)

Becca: Good evening everyone and welcome to tonight’s laundry talk. My fellow co-hosts and I are coming to you from Mckean’s laundry room on the first floor as we do our weekly load of 5 bags of laundry each. The hottest girls from Rollins are bringing you the hottest stories from around the world.

Amber: Our first story comes from the coasts of California were each week an average of six sea otters wash up dead on the shore.

Kylie: Aren’t sea otters like puppies that can swim.

Becca: Actually they are! The problem is scientists do not know what's killing the sea otters. Usually cause the of death is clear with a shark bite, a bullet, or a propeller wound. But about one-quarter of last year's fatalities have been traced to a pair of protozoan parasites, Toxoplasma gondii and Sarcocystis neurona, that are known to breed in cats.

Kylie: So cats are killing sea otters?

Becca: Well not totally! The problem is that people are flushing kitty litter down their toilets. Worms dropped into the ocean by seabirds and a toxic ingredient in fertilizer are also known to be killing the cute little otters.

Kylie: Like How about we put big nets in the ocean to catch them all and save them?

Steven: Are you serious like that will just get them tangled in the nets and kill even more of them.

Kylie: But if we catch them all we can dress them up in cute outfits and adopt them as pets!

Steven: No that’s just stupid!

Becca: But it is totally okay! Because the Great Governor of Califorinia, Arnold Schwarzenegger has just raised the fine for harming a sea otter to $25,000 and he requires that all kitty litter sold in California has to carry a warning label so that owners now know that there kitties are killing our dear little sea otters.

Steven: O Arniie! He use to turn me on in his terminator days.

Amber: At the age of 59 Arnold stil turns me on! He is so cute with his perfectly pressed governor suites…I love role playing.

Kylie: Arnold went to University of Wisconsin-Superior, where he graduated with degrees in international marketing of fitness and business administration.

Becca: Thanks Kylie…that brings us to our next topic.

Amber: Yeah… did ya know that the countries fortune 50 CEO’s did not all do their undergraduates at Ivy league schools…in fact the University of Texas has just as much representation as Harvard with three CEO’s.

Steven: So that means I can be the CEO of Macy’s?

Amber: Yes, Steven now we all have hope to be the glorious and famous girls that we all strive to be!

Kylie: One day I will be the CEO of Animal planet and all the animals will be dressed in cute outfits from Steven’s newly acquired Macy’s

Steven: Thank you Kylie… Well that is all we have for you for on tonight’s laundry talk it is now time for our late night facials as we rock out to the Queen of Hollywood

ALL: (scream) Lindsay Lohan!

final copy of the Jesus script.

Jesus’s second coming? BS!!!!

Jesus-Me

God-J.J.

Guy 1-Eric

Guy 2-Nate

Girl-Sarah

Girl 2-Carolina

Girl 3-Lily

Narrator-Seth

Policeman-Dr. Boles

Bum 1-Adrian

Bum 2-Johnny

Lucifer-Walker

Protestor 1-Josi

Protestor 2-Maddy

Almost everyone.

Narrator- In Heaven, God calls on Jesus in to his chamber to talk to him.

God-My son, Jesus, it is time for you to return to Earth. It is once again ravaged by sin, and once again, mankind needs to be saved from the burning drenches of hell, and come to salvation.

Jesus- But Father, You said I have another thousand years before I go back to Earth.

God-Don’t try to trick me again, Jesus. Don’t you remember the Medieval age. You could have stopped that, but instead, you felt like going forward in time to play Pong.

Jesus-C’mon, you had fun as well. You almost beat me that one time, but

God- Hey, that game had a glitch. But whatever. You must go down to Earth, and save mankind once again

Jesus- You can’t make me go, I’m part of mankind, I have free will.

God- Don’t make me get Loki to assert my wrath.

Jesus- I gave Loki a nu-gie last week, I doubt he’ll try anything on me again.

God- (sigh)Look if you do down to earth and bring salvation, I’ll..(sigh) by you a Playstation 3.

Jesus- Really!!! Great I’ll go, But I ain’t getting crucified again, That took a while to heal.

God- Fine, no crusifixtion, but you have to play the part of the nice Jesus, that means you are limited to only a few magic tricks, and no fighting Satan again.

Jesus- Fine, alright, here I go.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Narrator: And Now Jesus returns to Earth to bring mankind to salvation, with a smile.

Guy 1: So as I was at this bar talking to this girl, when some random guy says, “Hey, seat’s taken,” and I say Oh really, I don’t see you name on it. Then suddenly He hits me in the face with a lead pipe, drags me out side, and begins to beat the living pulp out me.

Girl 1: Oh my god, so what did you?

Guy 1: Well, I couldn’t let him do that to me, so grabbed this 2 by 4 that was next to me and I hit him with it. Then suddenly, he runs away crying like a little girl, waaaa, waaaa.

Girl 1: wow, you are so brave. Hey I need to go to the little girl’s room for the moment. Be right back. When I get back, maybe we can go to my place.(cute laugh)

Guy 1: He He He

Guy 2: You tell the same exact story every time and the girls keep falling for it.

Guy 1: the secret is you gotta find one of them blonde girls, they’re more gullible then a 12 year old girl in R. Kelly’s recording studio.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Guy 2: What was that???

Guy 1: I don’t know.

( more monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Jesus: It is I, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father. That woman is married, and so are you. It is a sin my child to commit adultery. The only way to be saved is…

Guy 1: Excuse me, but before that lady comes back, I suggest you leave before she hears your evangelical hooligans.

Guy 2: Hey what are you wearing?

Jesus: Do you not recognize me? For I am Jesus, the son of the heavenly Father.

Guy 2: (on the side) hey um…I think we got a whack job talking to us.

Guy 1: Did you say your name was Jesus?

Jesus: Yes, the Lamb of God, It is a sin to commit Adultery. You are giving in to Lust, that is a mortal sin.

Guy 1: Hey, look Jesus(pronounce it hey zeus) I don’t need some crazy guy, who dressed up in costume a little early for Halloween, which I might add looks terrible, Jesus wouldn’t dress that bad, to tell me who to and more importantly, who not to sleep with. Okay.

Guy 2: Yeah, so Get out, or I’ll Make you get out.

Jesus: Your aggression is not need, But your soul is covered with sin and…

Guy 2: Alright that’s it.

Jesus: Hey what are you doing?

(sound of scuffle)

Jesus: AHH!!

(splash of mud)

Guy 1: Get outta here ya creep.

Guy 2: Yeah and say out.

Jesus: wow, this salvation thing is going to be harder than last time.

Narrator: Jesus has hit a little snafu there, but he keeps on truckin’

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: what did you get on your final?

Girl 3: I got 90. Good thing I decided to use that cheat sheet you gave me. The questions were so hard. I would have never figured it out on my own. How did you get the questions in the first place?

Girl 2: I bribed one of the security guards to let me in to the building and to look away. A measly 200 dollars for a passing isn’t that bad.

Girl 3: So how did you answer the questions before the test? You know less about this subject than I do. You never even opened the textbook.

Girl 2: Well, I had to sleep with one of the upper classman to get him to answer the questions. I think his name was something like Jeff Connerson

Girl 3: WHAT!!!! THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!! I’VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HIM FOR A WEEK. I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!

Girl 2: What!!! I didn’t know I swear!!!

Girl 3: AHHHHHH!!

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: What was that?

Jesus: It is I, Jesus, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father.

Girl 3: Jesus??? You don’t look like Jesus. I’ve seen those renaissance pictures.

Jesus: That was just one interpretation of me. No human has ever laid eyes on me for 2000 years. Wait, Pictures?

Girl 3: yeah, like the ones that Italian dude pasted of Jesus on that ceiling of church, his name was Da Vanci? Da Alfredo? Da Fettuccine? Yeah Da Fettuccine. That’s it.

Girl 2: It’s Da Vinci. We learned that last year.

Girl 3: I still have to kill you. AHHH!!!

Jesus: You must stop. Wrath is a mortal sin. It is absorbing you whole body. You must not give in. And you, Bribery, deceitfulness, premarital sex. Your soul must be purged of all its evils or else you will burn in the depths of hell.

Girl 2: What are you talking about freak?

Girl 3: Yeah, you sound like my grandmother.

Jesus: Grandmother? I’m the savior of all of mankind, I’m Jesus. I’m the son of God, you know, the Heavenly Father, the alpha and the omega, and one that created all that is and what will be??

(as Jesus is talking, the wind blows.)

Girl 2: Oh My God!! You’re not wearing anything under that robe, EWWW!!!

Girl 3: You Perve!!!! Some one help, Flasher, Flasher!!!!

Jesus: Wait what????!!!

Girl 3: Some one help Flasher Flasher!!!(repeat 5x)

Girl 2: Flasher Flasher Some one help(repeat 5x at the same time as girl 3)

Jesus: Wait whoa whoa, Its me Jesus, hey, be quiet, hey, hey um…lamb of god….eh….shhh.. uh this ain’t good(at the same time as the girls yelling)

Policeman-What seems to be the problem??(rushed)

Girl 2: This creepy ragged bum is trying to flash us!!!

Policeman: Oh really!!! I think you need to think about what you’ve done. Its some jail time for you.

Jesus: What??? Wait wait You don’t understand…

Policeman: I think I do understand. I see some random bearded guy trying to show himself to some innocent girls. What would Jesus think if he came right now and saw what you were doing? I don’t think he would be very pleased.

Jesus: ugg, I should have gone to Italy first.

Girl 3: I’m still killing you

Girl 2: What?!

Narrator: Well, seems like Jesus managed to get himself arrested. (in normal concerned tone) Wait what? Jesus gets arrested, what kind of script is this??

Me: Just keep reading it, it gets better.

Narrator: (normal tone again) How do you managed to redeem yourself from writing a script were Jesus gets arrested?

Me: Who said anything about redeeming myself?

Narrator: (normal tone again) Fine, but if some Baptists decided to beat you up after this, it’s not my fault. (Clears throat)(Back to narrator voice) As I was saying, Jesus gets arrested, and is thrown in jail, but he soon to get a visit a much unsuspected visitor.

Bum 1: As I try to avoid the enemy, I searched for a weapon I could use to defend myself, then I found these rocks, and I started throwing them at the enemy as hard as I can. But alas they caught me.

Bum 2: so they took you to one of them Vietnamese prison camps??

Bum 1: Vietnam? I was talking about how I threw rocks at my enemy, the dogs at the dog pound.

Jesus: Wow, He even had me going.

Policeman- Hey, guy with the hair, you got a visitor. Oh you two, Get the hell out of here you drunkards.

Bum 1 and bum 2 mumbling.

Policeman- alright, he you can talk to him…um what was it, lucius??

Lucifer-(sigh) close enough.

Policeman-You got ten minutes.

Jesus-Great, what are you doing here Lucifer?

Lucifer-Jesus, why the long face? We haven’t seen each other since you spent those 40 days in the desert. I thought you’d be glad to see me.

Jesus-Maybe you were too busy possessing someone, but in one day I was thrown in the mud by these two guys, then I get arrest for some wind blowing by and lifting up my robe. So I’m a little bit perturbed right now.

Lucifer-Oh yeah, I was watching and thought it was hilarious. But I’m not here to make fun of you, well yeah I was, but that’s not whole reason. You see Jesus…

Jesus: Why should I listen to you, you’re the freaking prince of darkness, the beginning of all sin on earth.

Lucifer-true but…(pause)…well …there aren’t any buts, I started original sin. As I way saying, you see Jesus, this country, this world, has changed. Its no longer “oh thank god for growing the food we are eating today.” Today its “Hey Look food. I’m going to eat it, than I’m gonna go play with my xbox 360, that my dad bought with the money that he got from taking advantage of company stocks.” Well, they don’t really say it like that but you know what I mean.

Jesus: Now’s who fault could materialism and greed be, hmm??

Lucifer- Their own. That’s what he won’t understand. Free will, Jesus, is a beautiful thing. From Slavery, to feudalism to capitalism, it all leads to one place. My home and they created it because they wanted too. They won’t break from their own comfortable chains that mankind has created for itself. There is no one to blame but them. They deserve to be with me.

Jesus: Mankind is good in nature, born with a good soul; they need an image to follow for faithfulness and salvation.

Lucifer: They do follow an image. Their own desire is their image. They lust for greater things and will stop at nothing to gain it. They desire is insatiable. Their desire has blinded them from what is complete and total proof that what they are doing is wrong. It has blinded them from you, and they don’t want to see you. Why don’t you just stop, and let them be. You know they deserve it, I know they deserve it, they will know that they deserve it. Just sit here in this box, and let it be.

Jesus: You tried it once, over 2 thousand years. It didn’t work then, and you aren’t going to convince me now. Mankind is worth saving, it doesn’t matter if only 1 person is saved. It’s better than letting that innocent burn in your domain. The faithful will rise above their own desires. They will see the light and break away from your clouding darkness. Now if you excuse me, I have the world to save. Oh, and did you send that little wind to blow up my robe so I can get arrested and brought here.

Lucifer: Man is so predictable. But since you don’t want to give up, guess I will still have continue my path of mankind’s destruction. Peace. Hehe

Jesus: Wow, I need to speak with my father quickly.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Narrator(in normal voice): See now that wasn’t so bad.

Me: It’s not done yet, keep reading.

Narrator: (announcer voice) After Jesus talks to God about his encounter with Lucifer, he is sent to an abortion clinic protest. (normal voice) Wait lets see the rest of this script. (random mumbling) Are you serious? You can’t have this ending.

Me: Hey, Dr. Boles approved it.

Narrator: (sigh) like I said before, Baptists, beating you up, not my problem.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Jesus-Okay, I made a left at magnolia lane and it should be right here. Oh hey people.

(Everyone chants “Abortion is murder, Abortion is murder”)

Protestor 1-(yelling and angry) Shut down this Clinic or else!!

Protestor 2-(yelling and angry) People, we need to stop this disgrace of God!!! They need to be punished for their heresy!!!

Jesus-uggg, another inquisition, well, better show them the right way.

Protestor 1-(yelling) Hurry pass me that Molotov cocktail!!!

Protestor 2-(yelling) We need to hurry up before the Police get here. Hook that spike onto the car!!

(More Chanting)

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Protestor 1-Wait what was that?

Jesus- It is I, Jesus, The son of God. You must stop this injustice.

Protestor 2- (still angry) What injustice? We are doing this in the name of God. They have to be punished for their sins.

Protestor 1-(still angry) Yeah!! They Insulted us, and they Insulted god!!!

Jesus- If god was insulted, he would have rained down fire and brimstone onto this place. But why hasn’t he? I have preached, and you have forgotten, when slapped, turn the other cheek. You are about to retaliate with violence without seeing any wrong with violence.

Protestor 2- They deserve to die for using this instrument of Satan and we must bring it to them!!!!

(crowd yells, and begins chanting “Burn!!”)

Jesus: The Sixth Commandment States Thou Shall Not Kill!!!

Protestor 1: Killing in the Name of God is Not A sin!!!

Jesus- Killing of anyone for any reason is sin!!! You have warped the word of god to represent your own ideas, and to force them onto others, That Is heresy, that is means for punishment. To create exceptions, is to create sin!!!

Girl 2: Hey I know that guy!!!! He Tried Flashing me and my friend at school!!!!!

Girl 3: Yeah it was disgusting!!!!!

Jesus: What???!!

Bum 1- Yeah, that’s the same guy who was thrown in jail right before they let me and my friend out!!!

Guy 1- That’s the crazy guy who began to bother me and my friend while we were at a restaurant!!!!

Guy 2- Wait yeah!!! That is the same guy!!!

Protestor 1-(angry) How dare you dress up like Jesus and begin to spew your false ideals to these religious people.

Protestor 2-(angry as well) What are you? Some kind of Athiest!! How dare you mock us with an image that is most holy to us!!!

Guy 1- I say we beat him up, and send him back to where he belongs.

(crowd begins to agree by yelling “yeah yeah”)

Bum 2- Let’s get him!!!!

Jesus- Oh crap AHHHHH!!!!!

(sound of jesus getting beaten by evangelicals.)

God- Why have you returned so soon? Earth was not Saved from sin.

Jesus- I don’t want to talk about it.

God- but, um.. Jesus…oh well, guess I’ll send Moses this time. At least the Jews will be saved.



Be sure to mention this script to everyone. there is alot of people invovle in this script and i'm only gonna print out 4 copies, a dj booth, a recording booth, an extra and my own.

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