Friday, September 29, 2006

Jesus's Second coming????

Jesus’s second coming? BS!!!!

Jesus-Me, Yeah Damn straight I'm jesus

God-J.J.

Guy 1-Eric

Guy 2-Nate

Girl 1-Sarah

Girl 2-Carolina

Girl 3-LiLy

Narrator- Seth

God-My son, Jesus, it is time for you to return to Earth. It is once again ravaged by sin, and once again, mankind needs to be saved from the burning drenches of hell, and come to salvation.

Jesus- Yes, My father, I will do as you say. For I love them, It will pain me to see them not come to heaven.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Narrator: And Now Jesus returns to Earth to bring mankind to salvation.

Guy 1: So as I was in the bar talking to this girl, some random guy says, “Hey, seats taken,” and I say Oh really, I don’t see you name on it. Then suddenly He hits me in the face with a lead pipe, drags me out side, and begins to beat the living pulp out me.

Girl 1: Oh my god, so what did you?

Guy 1: Well, I couldn’t let him do that to me, so grabbed a this 2 by 4 that was next to me and I hit him with it. Then suddenly, he runs away crying like a little girl, waaaa, waaaa.

Girl 1: wow, you are so brave. Hey I need to go to the little girl’s room for the moment. Be right back. When I get back, maybe we can go back to my place.(cute laugh)

Guy 1: He He He

Guy 2: You tell the same exact story every time and the girls keep falling for it.

Guy 1: the secret is you gotta find one of them blonde girls, they’re more gullible then a 12 year old girl in R. Kelly’s recording studio.

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Guy 2: What was that???

Guy 1: I don’t know??

( more monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Jesus: It is I, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father. That woman is married, and so are you. It is a sin my child to commit adultery. The only way to be saved is…

Guy 1: Excuse me, but before you that lady comes back, I suggest you leave before she hears your evangelical hoolgans.

Guy 2: Hey what are you wearing?

Jesus: Do you not recognize me? For I am Jesus, the son of the heavenly Father.

Guy 2: (on the side) he um…I think we got a wack job talking to us.

Guy 1: Did you say your name was Jesus?

Jesus: Yes, the Lamb of God, It is a sin to commit Adultery. You are giving in to Lust, that is a mortal sin.

Guy 1: Hey, look Jesus(pronounce it hey zeus) I don’t need some crazy guy, who dressed up in costume a little early for Halloween, which I might add looks terrible, Jesus wouldn’t dress that bad, to tell me who to and more importantly, who not to sleep with. Okay.

Guy 2: Yeah, so Get out, or I’ll Make you get it.

Jesus: Your aggression is not need, But your soul and covered with sin and

Guy 2: Alright that’s it.

Jesus: Hey what are you doing?

(sound of scuffle)

Jesus: AHH!!

(splash of mud)

Guy 1: Get outta here you creep.

Guy 2: Yeah and say out.

Jesus: wow, this salvation thing is going to be harder than last time.

Narrator: Jesus has hit a little snafu there, but he keeps on truckin’

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: what did you get on your final?

Girl 3: I got 90. Good thing I decided to take that cheat sheet you gave me. The questions were so hard. I would have never figured out on my own. How did you get the questions in the first place?

Girl 2: I bribed one of the security guards to let me in to the building and to look away. A measly 200 dollars for a passing isn’t that bad.

Girl 3: So how did you answer the questions before the test? You know less about this subject than I do. You never even opened the textbook.

Girl 2: Well, I had to sleep with one of the upper classman to get him to answer the questions. I think is name was something like Jeff Connerson

Girl 3: WHAT!!!! THAT’S MY BOYFRIEND!!! I’VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH HIM FOR A WEEK. I’M GONNA KILL YOU!!!!!

Girl 2: What!!! I didn’t know I swear!!!

Girl 3: AHHHHHH!!

(monk-esque singing with fake latin lyrics)

Girl 2: What was that?

Jesus: It is I, Jesus, the Lamb of God, The son of the Heavenly Father.



This Is were I got writer's block. Help through comments would be nice.


Comments:
good script.

as we discussed in class, maybe it would be a good idea to have more dialouge between jesus and god... you could set up the entire script a little bit more and it could be very funny
 
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