Sunday, September 17, 2006

Dog show

JJ, Johnny, and Amanda appreciate the comments

Katherine: LILY
Thomas: SETH
Anouncer: JJ

Dog show

(music plays)

Katherine: Good afternoon Ladies and Gentlemen, I am Katherine Mcpherson here with my co-host Thomas Burton and welcome to the 131th Westminster Kennel Club Annual All Breed Dog show. The competition is fierce and I believe that it is the best we have had in years.

Thomas: That’s right Katherine these dogs are gorgeous, but there are some big bitches here tonight.

Katherine: Yes… and that is not funny.

Thomas: Bloody hell it is!

Katherine: Well anyways, this year there is a wide variety of different breeds being represented at today’s shows. The breeds range from a large Greater swiss mountain dog to a small west highland white terrier. Last years best in show for 2006 was a bull terrier named Rufus, and it was truly a magical performance. I expect nothing but excellence, as the dogs competing this year are in rare form!

Thomas: Look at the smashing willy on that dog...ladies and gentleman that’s our winner.

Katherine: That is revolting and that is not a category… but I cannot deny that he is well qualified in that aspect something my husband lacks ….but (clears throat) …yes a very splendid dog indeed.

Katherine: Our first category is the sporting category and our first dog is the wired haired pointing Griffon, and this dog is special! The Wirehaired Pointing Griffon is a medium size dog from Holland. They are fabulous hunting dogs. Griffons are very versatile dogs and can hunt upland game birds and waterfowl. They are excellent swimmers allowing them to work on land and in the water. Griffons make tremendous family dogs. They are intelligence and love to please their owners this has helped them to be successful in the show ring, in obedience, tracking, agility, and the field…. So be sure to keep your eyes on the ring because the Griffons performance is going to be phenomenal.

Thomas: That dog looks like my bloody rug…I wipe my feet on fur like that every morning before I wash my teeth.

Katherine: That is an outrageous statement this dog is a classy dog with a different look unlike any others.

Thomas: No seriously I have the rug back home. It feels wonderful on the toes.

Katherine: That’s wonderful Thomas (sarcastic/bewildered way). Lets take it down to our outstanding field reporter Eleanor Jasper… Eleanor?

Eleanor: Hello Katherine… I have here with me Georgy the wired haired pointing Griffon who has just completed a great performance in the sporting category…so, Georgy what dog food do you prefer?... Purina… were your pet is our passion or Iams…were life is better.

(dog barks and continually barks while Eleanor talks)

Elenor: ooo ok so you do prefer the tenderness and healthy taste of Purina… I do agree… that is fabulous… so ladies and gentlemen you have heard the news… go with Purina if truly care about the look and health of your dog…back to you Katherine.

Thomas: Is that ladie serious… she actually thinks she can talk to dogs…hahahahahahaha… shes a bloody loonie… call the nut house we’ve got a crazy one on the loose.

Katherine: That is inappropriate…she is a remarkable reporter and the best at what she does. She is very close to those dogs and delivers nothing but sensational material.

Thomas: (mumbles) she delivers nothing but bloody crap.

Katherine: It looks like it is time to move to our next category, terriers…our first dog being represented in this category is a soft-coated wheaten terrier. The Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier is from Irish decent, and originally served as an all-purpose farm dog. The Wheaten Terrier is a medium-sized dog weighing anywhere from 30 to 40 pounds. The coat is soft, wavy and the color of wheat. This particular terrier is Intelligent, affectionate and loving. They are very friendly "people" dogs. They demand to be handled firmly, fairly and with consistency. I expect nothing but an awe-inspiring performance from this terrier today.

Thomas: That bloody dog is butt ugly… it’s beard reminds me of my old drunken mess of a father.

Katherine: Well there seems to be an extraordinary father like son relationship there.

Thomas: My father was very prestigious! He won bloody drinking titles all over the pubs in England.

Katherine: And I am sure you have too, but lets get back to these breath-taking terriers. Coming out now to perform is molly, the Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier. Just look at the amazing way the dog and the trainer are becoming one. That trainer must put a lot of determination, hard work, and love into that dog. It’s truly stupendous… I believe that Eleanor is standing by with the wondrous molly…Eleanor?

Eleanor: Yes Katherine, Molly has just performed and I believe it to be a winning one. But we know that all of you are really waiting for the big question…Molly where do you prefer to tinkle? In the garden, on the mail mans leg, or perhaps the new off white sofa?
(Dog barking)

Eleanor: Astonishing…. I don’t believe it!
Yes…. Intriguing!
I prefer the same as well.
So the question has been answered…. Molly prefers to tinkle on the mail man’s leg.
Back to you Katherine.

Katherine: Thank you Eleanor you are truly a superbly astounding reporter.

Thomas: I wish you bloody dogs would pee on Katherine’s legs.

Katherine: Thomas! I have had enough you are a rude, unextraordinary, unimpressive co aanchor and I have had enough of you.

Thomas: (Mumbling loud) Im a bloody Brit and proud of it. There just (Beep) dogs anyways you bloody lady. (fading)

Katherine: Well this is grand news, it seems that my anchor has just passed out and is suffering from severe alcohol intoxication…. It has now just been brought to my attention that the judges are ready…. Ohhhh this is dazzling. This judge must be so excited right now, he is the only one who knows the glorious dog who has won this years prestigious best show title for 2007. For all of you who do not know, the best show title is the dog who has the best performance from all the categories…..ohhhhh my! here comes the judge with the winner.

Judge: Ladies and Gentleman, dogs and bithchs’ the Westminster kennel club dog show proudly presents this years best in show winner to be: Molly, the soft coated wheaten terrier.

( Polite Applause)

(Music plays)

Katherine: Oooh my! Molly and her trainer have probably been fantasizing for this moment from day one of training, and it has come true. But lets not give all the credit to Molly because this years competitors have been exquisite, divine, elegant, stunning, striking, stunning, terrific, incomprehensible, inconceivable, and incredible to say the least. Thank for tuning into this years Westminster kennel club dog show have a marvelous night.

Johnny, I think you could make this script even longer and better by having an interview with the owner of the winngin dog as well as with the dog itself. I really like your writing style here, and i think the right music could help too.

And yes i kno i am posting on the blog even though you are sitting about 7 feet away from me. But whatever. Good script.
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