Thursday, August 24, 2006

An unfinished script for you to look at

The premise: Jack Bauer, of 24, as a substitute teacher.

Jack Bauer


Student 1

Student 2

Announcer: 24

(Sounds of students talking and noise in general)

Principal: (Over the noise of the class) OK class. Quiet. Settle down. I said settle down. (the class goes quiet). Now, I want to introduce you to your new teacher, Mr Bauer. He will be filling in for Mrs. Miller while she is away on maternity leave.

Student 1: Some kind of smart ass remark

Principal: OK Mr. Bauer I leave them in your capable hands.

Bauer: Thank you Principal Jenkins.

Student 1: Some kind of smart ass remark again.

Bauer: Alright, let’s get a couple of things perfectly clear. You do what I say when I say it. You answer my questions when I ask you. Don’t make me have to repeat myself.

Student 2: Chill, man, take it easy.

Bauer: Take it easy. Don’t tell me to take it easy. Don’t give me any type of directions. I will be giving the directions here.

Student 2: Fine, fine, whatever.

Bauer: Alright so this is American Geography and I have Mrs. Miller’s lesson plan from last week. So let’s see how many of you studied for today.

Student 1: Jeez, what good is studying. What a pain.

Bauer: Mr. smart mouth let’s see what you are made of and see how well you studied. I trust you studied.

Student 1: Of course I did. Not a problem.

Bauer: Let’s check this out then. Tell me what the capital of Wyoming is.

Student 1: Wyoming. Why would I want to go to Wyoming, it’s just brokeback mountain country out there. I don’t need to do that at all.

Bauer; I will ask you one more time. What is the capital of Wyoming?

Student 1: What does it matter?: I ain’t ever going there.

Bauer: Do you see what I am holding in my hand?

Student 1: Yeah, a pencil so what.

Bauer: I can kill you five different ways with this pencil. Don’t make me do it.

Student 1: Oooh. Tough guy.

Bauer: Now, tell me what the capital of Wyoming is?

Student 1: No.

Bauer: And you are telling me that you studied your work last night?

Student 1: Sure I did. I always study.

Bauer: (sound of dialing a phone) Chloe, I need a little help here.

Student 1: Chloe, what is he doing. Hey no cell phones in the class room.

Bauer: Chloe, I need you to do a satellite backtrack on the following address. To student Where do you live?

Student 1: Why? You gonna come over and make my bed.


Student 1: No, man.

Bauer: What is this guys name?

Student 2: James, James Portnoy.

Bauer: Chloe I need you to search for a James Portnoy and then find his home address. Do a temporal shift modulator for yesterday evening. I also want a heat seeking readout of the address.

Student 1: What are you talking about man?

Bauer: I am seeing whether you really did study last night.

Student 1 I am telling you I did.

Bauer: Well, we’ll see. Chloe, what have you got? Are you sure? Damn it, Chloe. I need you to be positive.

Student 3; He cursed.

Student 1: This is all so bogus.

Bauer: Last night you left your home at 8:30, out a side window I might say, and then got in a car. You didn’t return until 1:30 in the morning.

Student 1: So, I had some business to do.

auer: Well, your business is studying American Geography. If you don’t start studying Mr., then I will be forced to hold your mother, father, and little brother at gun point and kill each one when you answer a question wrong.

Students Uproar.

Principal: Um, Mr. Bauer.

Bauer: Damn it, what is it Principal I am trying to teach these suspects, I mean students, a lesson.

Principal: Our rules prohibit threatening the students.

Bauer: Well, maybe sometimes the rules need to be broken. I didn’t lose my wife and become a heroin junkie so kids like this putz here could run roughshod over the US A. I have spoken to and saved the life of the President of this nation and I intend to see that they appreciate this country in all its glory and majesty. IF you have a problem with that, then you can fire me right here and now, but if you are not, then just let me do my job.

Teacher: Quick Principal there is a problem in the cafeteria. The rolls for the lunch are burning.

Principal: Not the rolls.

Bauer: Look, Principal. I can save your rolls for me if you just let me do my job here.

Principal: Well, I do love rolls, so yes Mr. Bauer rescue our lunch rolls and I will reinstate you.


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