Tuesday, August 29, 2006

physic reading script

Im posting this script for Sarah

Psychic readings

Derek; Are you filling lost, in a haze, confused call the Beautiful, brilliant, spectacular, wonderful Bridget, she would love to help you.

Derek; We have a caller on the line.

Bridget; Yes caller what do your need.

Faith; Is this the Beautiful, brilliant, wonderful Bridget.

Bridget; Don’t forget spectacular.

Faith; Spectacular Bridget.

Bridget; No, no, full name sweetie.

Faith; I’m sorry.

Bridget; No problem just say it right.

Faith; Again?

Bridget; Saying again would be implying that you’ve done it right before.

Faith; I’m sorry (clears throat). Is this the Beautiful, Brilliant, wonderful, spectacular

Bridget; Yes it is and how may I help you today.

Faith; My name is Faith.

Bridget; I don’t care.

Faith; And, (pause) you don’t care. How am I suppose to confide in somebody who doesn’t care what my name is?

Bridget; I am a psychic, not your psychologist.

Faith; Well isn’t that the same thing.

Bridget; No the psychologist is who you wine and complain to. The Psychic, that’s me, is who tells you what you’re going to wine and complain about.

Faith; Well that doesn’t make much sense.

Bridget; Would you like me to explain it slower?

Faith; No I understand what you’re saying but ,I don’t quite get the concept. Why would I want to know about what’s going to make me sad when it’s going to make me sad. If I heard it once from you then wouldn’t I have to relive it later? Wouldn’t that make it double the pain? Wouldn’t you just be the bad news bear?

Bridget: No faith that was just an example.

Faith; So it could be happy times to.

Bridget; Yes it could be.

Faith; So let’s talk about relationships.

Bridget; That’s a bad idea.

Faith; Why, do I have a bad relationship in store. I thought that you said you don’t just give bad news.

Bridget; I don’t.

Faith; But you said that it would make me sad.

Bridget; No I didn’t.

Faith; You didn’t

Bridget; No, I said it would be a bad idea. I don’t know what your relationship you have in store.

Faith; Well, why not you’re a psychic.

Bridget; Yes.

Faith; That’s your job to tell peoples’ future.

Bridget; In a way yes.

Faith; Then why won’t you tell me my future relations.

Bridget; Because they all end up the same. You meet the guy who you think is Mr. Right but ends up being Mr. Right Now. No matter, you fall in love, head over feet, feet over head. Then one by one you find out he has all these flaws. He sleeps with a night light, that’s okay you can handle that, you love the guy. He adores his mother, that’s fine every guy should. He wears his mother’s clothing, now that’s were you draw the line. For some reason you can’t stop loving him. Then when you find out he enjoys sleeping with his mom the love just poof, goes right out of you.

Faith; I don’t think I could fall in love with a guy who likes to sleep with a night light

Bridget; None of us do.

Faith; So steer clear of relationships?

Bridget; Yes.

Faith; What about lunch tomorrow.

Bridget; Lunch. You want me to look in my crystal ball to see what you’re having for lunch

Faith; Yeah

Bridget; Okay. You will be having raw fish

Faith; Ewe

Bridget; Sushi faith.

Faith; I hate Sushi.

Bridget; Well you seem to be smiling. Oh, it may not be the fish, maybe it’s because of
the guy touching your hand. Oh his name starts with a C and ends with an N.

Faith; Starts with a C and ends with an N. What’s his name?

Bridget; I don’t know that’s all they told me.

Faith; Let’s see starts with a C and ends with an N. Casin, No that’s not a real name. Corn. Is it Corn. Not the canned kind but the band.

Bridget; I highly doubt that your dating the entire band corn.

Faith; You’re right the band name starts with a K.

Bridget; Next caller.

Faith; Calvin, is it Calvin.

Bridget; Next caller please.

Bert; Is this the Beautiful, Brilliant, wonderful, spectacular Bridget.

Bridget; This is she.

Bert; This is me.

Bridget; Okay how may I help you.

Bert; No me.

Bridget; Right.

Bert; My name’s Bert.

Bridget; I honestly don’t care Bert.

Bert; I’ve got a question.

Bridget; I’d assume so, your not calling just because you like talking with the beautiful, brilliant, spectacular, wonderful Bridget.

Bert; No but I do like your voice

Bridget; What’s your question Bert

Bert; That was it.

Bridget; So your question was that you like my voice.

Bert; Not entirely, it’s more of a proposal.

Bridget; Proposal?

Bert; Yeah, if this psychic thing doesn’t work out I’ve got a gig for you except guys would be your only callers, and they would call you for other purposes. And it could still be done on the radio.

Bridget; Goodnight Bert. Next Caller your on the air

Steven; Would my girlfriend dump me if she found out I needed a night light to sleep.

Bridget; Next caller.

Bert; Hey, this is Bert, I think you misunderstood me I was talking about a position as a call girl.

Bridget; Next caller.

Susan; Hey Brilliant, beautiful, spectacular wonderful Bridgett how much sugar is to
much sugar when baking cookies.

Bridget; Next caller.

Bert; Hey it’s Bert again, do you think faith would want to give it a shot.

Bridget; Next caller.

Stacey; I’m sick of listening to the radio is there anything good on the tv right now?

Bridget; Next caller.

Bert; H ey it’s Bert

Bridget; Next caller

David; If x=17, and x+y=20, What does y=.

Bridgett: Okay I think we’ve all forgotten what the purpose of a Psychic talk show is. The emphasis is not on the word talk but Psychic. I am a Psychic. I do not care to know what your name is because it cost three dollars a minute. So, for every second you waste it cost you. Plus I believe in staying anonymous. Most importantly, I DON’T CARE. PSYCHIC, PSYCHIC, nothing else. I’m not your friend your therapist, your T.V. guide, call girl, your pimp, your mother, your Martha Stuart, your relationship guide, I am not hear to give you good or bad new, and I’m damn sure not your math tutor. What the hell was that, and by the way the answer is three numb nuts. I am a Psychic. P-S-Y aren’t you smart enough to figure out the rest. I help with real psychic emergencies!!! Next, caller!!!!!

Tammy: (sounds really sad almost about to cry) My dad is really sick, and the medical bill is running up really high. I’ll lose the house if I can’t make up mind tonight to pull the plug or not. I’ve exhausted all of my sources the doctors are split down the middle. Please I need to know Beautiful (pause), Brilliant (pause), spectacular (pause), wonderful (pause) Bridget, Is he (starts to cry) going to live.

Bridget; Finally a real question, to bad were out of time. Join me next time for Bridget’s amazing psychic show. Good night America.

Derek; we’re off the air in three, two, one.

[Derek; Great show Bridget you want to grab a cup of coffee.

Bridget; Derek we’ve been through this before.

Derek; How many times am I going to have to explain? I was wet it was cold and the
only dry clothes were hers. It was Debbie for goodness sake.

Bridget; Derek it was your mom.

Derek; Step mom who went to high school with us, she was a senior when we were juniors.

Bridget; She was still your mom; I’m sorry step-mom.

Derek; my dad was only engaged to her at the time therefore she was just some women I slept with.

Bridget; While you were dating me.

Derek; Yeah.

Bridget; Good night Derek.

Derek; Just one cup.

Bridget; Derek I don’t even like coffee.]

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