Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Prophet Hebrew

Narrator: Seth a jew telling the story
Prophet: ME
Bush: Walker
Mother: Rich jwe ma
Jamal: Adrian Jamaican

Narrator: Once upon a time in a place far, far, away there was a young bar mitzvah who went by the name Abraham. Young Abraham was an only child raised to be a Jew and he proudly supported his heritage. He was not like the other young Jewish kids playing with draidles minding their own business. Abraham was different. He stood up for his people and fought off evil and ever since that day they called him the Prophet.

Prophet: Shabbat Shalom mother

Mother: Good morning my angel...

Prophet: So mother what’s for breakfast

Mother: Well first off Abraham I cant let you keep living like this... you are a grown man already… and still, you live with your mother... you know our neighbors the Goldstein’s… there son has already graduated law school and started a practice

Prophet: ma is that really necessary I was working on the JLN (Jewish League of Nations) most wanted list for the people who have created acts against the Jews... isn't that enough

Mother: of course sweat heart but, how about a real career like Benjamin Goldstein

Prophet: alright ma holy Moses what about the breakfast all ready

Mother: breakfast. fine dear, but after you eat I need you to run some errands for me

Prophet: but ma what about work!

Mother: work shmurk… go to the grocery store and get your bubala the things on the this list

Prophet: ok ma love you

Mother: bye son… have a nice day at the JLN… (break… then sigh) oyyy vey is my son ever going to grow up?

Narrator: As young Abraham set out for his day he began to realize his purpose in life and it was to continue to protect the Jewish people

Prophet: Oy govult! Why is my mother so crazy? I mean all I do are her chores go to the grocery store, pick up the laundrey, do the dishes, and blah blah blah…. Uhghhh Im sick of it, im sick of her…. She does know I do have a job and on top of this what is a young jew to do!

Narrator: While the Prophet was out bickering about his over protective mother a group of evil gouy’s were planning on anhilating the holiest jewish holiday yum-kippur

Prophet: (phone rings) (havlah nigila havlah nigila havlah) Shabot Shalom…

General Shlomo: Abraham we need your help! A group of gouy’s found out the true meaning of Yum-Kippur and are brainwashing innocent Jewish children through fox tv.

Prophet: oisha moisha this is bad news… I didn’t know that Jews watch fox

General Shlomo: That’s besides the point we need to get over to fox headquarters immediately and find out what is going on.

Prophet: Yes shlomo… ill be there right away…

Narrator: Three Hours later

(Phone Rings)

Prophet: Shalom!
General: Abraham where are you!

Prophet: Its my mother I had to pick up the groceries before I saved the holiday… shes got a very tight leash on me you know… I am living in her house its my responsibility to do these chores… but I do have a job, I mean I work, I sleep, and certaintly bring income why cant she do these simple things… while kids are being brainwashed im in line at Katz’s waiting for some lox… this is misha gos

General: ughhhhh… ABRAHAM GET OVER HERE!

Prophet: yes shlomo!

Narrator: Finally… Abraham arrives at the JLN to save yom-kippor

Prophet: Shlomo whats the latest…

General: Well we have to get to fox and find out who’s behind this evil

Prophet: Cant we all just get along!

Narrator: As Abraham was planning his attack he realized he would need help from the kwanza coalition group

Prophet: Yo Jamal its Abraham the prophet

Jamal: Abe hows it goin!

Prophet: Not so hot I mean did you hear whats airing on fox!?

Jamal: Aint that about a BITCH!

Prophet: Yes indeeddy it quite a predicament

Jamal: Well what do you want from

Prophet: Well the Jewish League of Nations are playing influential jewish movies across the air on all other channels but, fox has figured out how to draw in the Jews attention

Jamal: how Abraham

Prophet: Through non usage of commercials

Jamal: Is that why Jews love HBO

Prophet: precisely

Jamal: well lets shake leg and brake open that joint

Prophet: you’re a mench jamal lets kick the gouy out of em’

Narrator: Jamal and Abraham head over to fox and see secret service agents crawling all over the place

Jamal: Yo Abe they like millions of secret service all over this joint

Prophet: this fakakta governement is probably involved what to do… what to doo…

Jamal: Calm down Abe take your inhaler (sound of inhaler) 1.2.3.4.5.6.7.8.9.10… betta?

Prophet: Much

Jamal: Through the binoculars I can see that they have a stereotype alarm so Abe don’t pick up change if it drops… if theres an air bar inside share the air… and don’t forget cover up your horns

Prophet: horns? That aint true it is just a myth among the WASPY characters in this country that don’t even know how to read write or moses knows whatelse
Jamal: sorry abe but you what I mean

Abe: lets kick the anti-semtisim out of em’

Narrator: As Abe and jamal walk in, there is a basketball court on the right and Jamal couldn’t resist….

Prophet: Jamaaaaaaallllllll knooooooooooooooooo

Alarm: Brotha Alert Brotha Alert Brotha Alert

Jamal: lets scram

Prophet: Im leaving just like before the check comes for dinner

Jamal: Is that president bush?

Prophet: OMG! It is!

Bush: Hello Jamal and Abe I’ve been expecting you!

Prophet: President Bush you will not get away with this

Jamal: Yea you egotistical maniac give the Jews back there children

Bush: Just because there kind can’t resist free televesion and even if that free tele is brainwashing material just means im smarter than you all actually thought… hahahahahahahahahah

Prophet: Lets get em’

Narrator: As Abe chases bush around jamal goes and switches the tape to Danny Kaye’s act as the joker in the movie the Court Jester

Prophet: Mr. President you are under arrest on crimes against the Jews… you have any last words for yourself
Bush: Well… Yes your kind had WMD’s and I had to take preemptive measures against your kind just like I did in Iraq and im going to do in Iran

Prophet: Well Bush your time is done your going to Isreal’s toughest prison… prison whina shlieden.

Narrarator: president bush did not get what he wanted instead at whina shlieden the president received the worst punishment of all… the jewish complaining slash whining slash guilt trip punishment

Bush: pleaaasseee no more… I promise I will discontinue my preemptive strikes on any colture

Phone ringing

Prophet: Shalom

Jamal: Hey mannn hows it going in Isreal

Prophet: Ok jamal

Jamal: sorry about that alarm back there mann I saw basketball and picked up ball sorry mann

Prophet: No problem you’re a mench jamal I love you

Jamal: peace my brotha… shaloomm alaecha

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