Monday, October 02, 2006

dating game skit

Cast:
Cleatus; walker
Kylie: amanda
sally the slut: nate
britney spears: lili
riick: rich

Dating Game Script 2

(Applause)

Rick: Hello America and welcome to the dating game. Where we meet the contestants from all different walks of life. People who are ready for a committed relationship, to commit relations, or just need to be committed. You never know with this show. Today on the show, we have three lovely bacheloretes trying to win the heart of this handsome bachelor. Trick is, they will not be able to officially meet until after our bacheloret makes a decision. And now, for our bachelor. All the way from Laguna Bog, please welcome Cleatus.

(Applause)

Cleatus: Thank you all. It’s great to be here.
Rick: It’s good to see you again. You didn’t do to well on the last show as bachelor number two.

Cleats: No, I think she was intimidated by my sophistication.

Rick: Well, there is no way for you to lose this one, and if do you really are a loser. Now for our lovely bachelorets. All the way from Alaska, Bacheloret number 1, Mellony Peters.

Mellony: Hey how are you. I’m here to win the date, I think, I hope, yeah, so lets have fun.

Rick: Bachelorete number two, from Winter Park, Sally the Slut.

Sally: Thank you, thank you.

Rick: I’m sorry, did I say that correctly…Sally…the slut?

Sally: Yes…

Rick: Oh, good, moving on then. Bachelorette number three, all the way from McKean laundry room, Kylie come on out.

Kylie: Hi there. Like thanks for having me.

Rick: Thank you Kylie. Now on to our fourth and final contestant, Miss. Britney Spears!

(Applause….go crazy)

Brittney: Well, thanks ya’ll. It so good to be here. (sing) I’m a slave for you. I cannot hold it; I cannot control it. I’m a slave for you. I won’t deny it; I’m not trying to hide it.

Rick: Now lets start the show. Cleatus, you are going to ask these complete and utter strangers simple questions, and at the end of the show, you will have to choose who you will go on a date with. Go ahead Cleatus.

CLeatus: Question number one is for all the lovely ladies, I need a girl who will gat along with me and have some things in common. What do you like to do with your free time?

Rick: Bachelorette number one, go ahead.

Mellony: Um my spare time, let’s see. Um well like I like um so yeah. It’s a good question. I guess like I like to play sports. But I don’t want to say that because it sound like I’m manly but I’m not. I don’t know can you come back to me.

Rick; Bachelorett number two, same question.

Melony; I guess I like to play sports yeah.

Rick; Bachelorette number two.

Sally; Before I liked to go to parties and get completely wasted. No I like to do others.

Cletus; Sounds like my kind of girl.

Rick; Bacherolette number three, same question.

Kiley: Uh huh.

Rick; That’s not an answer.

Kiley; What’s the question?

Rick; The question is what do you like to do in your spare time.

Kiley; I like puppies.

Rick; Okay moving on. Bacherlorette number four same question.

Britney; Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide, sometimes I’m scared of you, but I all I really want is to hold you tight, treat you right, be with you day and night, baby all I need is time.

Rick; Okay, this is going to be a long show. Cletus ask another question.

Cletus; Bachelorett number 1, How would your ex-boyfriend describe you?

Melony; Oh, my ex-boyfriend, well I guess he wouldn’t be too nice he is my ex-boyfriend. He was really cute he use to talk about all this stuff I can’t tell you what it was because I never listened to what he said but it sounded pretty. I miss him. He talked a lot I mean about non sense too. It’s a good thing we broke up. He was always in my hear hey why do you have a picture of Billy on your locker door. Why do you say Sammy when we kiss when my name is Jeff and he totally freaked out that one time when I gave him his Christmas gift. Is it so weird to make a shrine of some one head.

Rick; Next question.

Cletus; Bacherlorette number two same question.

Sally; Well, my ex-boyfriend would say that I’m very adventures. That I’m very experienced and I love to have a good time. I’m well equipped to handle any situation and I’ll go where no woman has gone before.

Rick; Next question.

Cletus; Why did your ex-boyfriend break up with you? This question’s for Bacherlorette number 2 and 4.

Rick; Bacherlorette number 2.

Sally; Because I went where no woman has gone before.

Rick; Bachelorette number 4.

Britney; Oops I did it again. I played with your heart, got lost in the game. Oh, baby, baby. Oops you think I’m in love, that I’m sent from above, I’m not that innocent.

Cleatus: Well, that’s… um…interesting.

Rick: Yes, well, she isn’t that innocent. Let’s move on. Cleatus go ahead with the next question.

Cleatus: Ok. What is your best attribute? Bachelorette number three.

Kylie: Sunshine is my favorite part of the day.

Cleatus: That doesn’t make sense.

Kylie: um, I cant stick my fist in my mouth.

(Applause)

Cleatus: Now we are talking.
Rick: Moving on…I don’t really like this question and it is my show, so next question.

Cleatus: Sure, you’re the boss. What is you ideal date? This is for all the Bachelorettes.

Rick: Ok, Melony…

Molony: My ideal date would be in a restaurant on a space ship heading towards mars. I love that city. Then we would go hunting in the gallapogos island for the prettiest brach we could finf to pin it on my hair. That would turn into magic hair. And then you would take me to prom. I‘d win over every girl and then later I’d be crowned the prettiest girl in the universe and then you’d ask me to marry you and you whisk me a way on your magic carpet.

Rick; Wow, she’s definitely a psycho. Good luck with her. Contestant number two same question.

Sally; It’s doesn’t matter where the date begins but I know where it will end I’ll have you…..

Rick; Next contestant and please let’s keep these comments g rated it’s a family show.

Kiley; First we’d go to the mall. And we pick out the most amazing out fits ever. Then we’d go to the laundry room and talk with Becca and Amber and Steven.

Cletus; Who’s Steven?

Kiley; Don’t worry he’s totally gay.

Cleatus: Gay? Like happy?

Rick; No it’s not but we’re running out of time let’s move on to our final question.

Cletus; Well just like Leanne asked in the show last week when she broke my heart, this question is for all the bachlorettes. The question is why should I choose you?

Rick; Bacherlorette number 1.

Melony; Umm you should choose me because I’m um a ah girl. And I like stuff. Right. Yeah if you don’t choose me we’ll never go on a date and you’ll never marry me. Then I’ll never be married I’ll end up living a life by myself and no one. And I’ll have to get cats and I’m allergic cats. Then I’ll explode from all the allergies and die. So instead I’ll treat it. And I’ll have to get a bunch of shots. Then I get so many shots I start to enjoy the needle. Then I’ll become a drug addict slash hobo. All because you didn’t choose me and decided to pick on of these slut.

Sally; That’ Sally the Slut thank you.

Melony; Wait your turn! You just got to choose me please. I’ll be the best girlfriend/ wife whatever.

Rick; Bachelorete number 2

Sally; Well I’ve a woman on a mission for quite a while and I picked up some stuff along the way. There’s a trick that I do with one foot on your head and the other…

(Audience gets roudy)

Rick; That’s enough, that’s just Bachelorette number three.

Kiley; My hand has freckles.

Rick; Bachlerotte number 4, why should Cletus choose you.

Britney; I used to think, I had the answers, To everything, Mmm, But now I know, Life doesn't always, Go my way, yeah, Feels like, I'm caught in the middle, That's when I realize, I'm not a girl, Not yet a womam, All I need is time, A moment that is mine, While I'm in between.

Rick; Thank you for that Brittney, you weirdo. Does Kevin know you are here? Never mind that. Okay it’s time to choose your date. Audience, who should he chose?

(Audience shouts numbers)

Cletus; Well I sure love Britney Spears but I didn’t know she sang that much. Melony scares me and Sally could be carrying something ugly. So I choose Bacherlorett number two. She’s sweet and simple.

Kiley; YAY, Now you can’t meet Billy.

Cletus; Is he gay too?

Kiley; No silly he’s my boyfriend.
(Audience Gasps)

Rick; She has a boyfriend? I guess you can still end up with no one. Wow in all the years I never seen the person picking the dates end up with no one. You sure are a loser. Well that’s all the time we have for today. Join us next week on the dating game. From Darkness Visible Radio, Good night and good luck.

(Applause)

Comments:
this can be fun, but remember to go back through and clean up all the typos so there will be a clean copy for everyone tomorrow.
 
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