Thursday, September 07, 2006

so far...

sorry, this is what i have so far....

Detective Skit part II

(Music, track 1 for 20-30 seconds then stop)

Announcer: Last week on _______(title)_____...

(Pause)
Detective: How can I help you Mrs. Hamby?
Mrs. Hamby: Well, you see, detective… It’s my husband. (sobbing). He’s dead!
(Pause)

Vinni: It happens. Have a seat. Detective, have you met my new man, Abul?
Abul: It is nice to meet you Detective.
Detective: Like wise. Vinny, I’m looking for some information. There’s been a man poisoned. You know anything.
Vinny: Detective, I have heard of no such act until now.

(Pause)

Detective: Hello Nikita. How have you been?
Nikita: (French Accent) Come in!...Oh! Detective. Bonjour.
Detective: Hello Nikita. How have you been? There has been a murder. Do you know of anything? A Mr. Hamby.
Nikita: Yes, He was here that night, the night of the murder.
Detective: What about that night. Tell me what he did, who he was with, something of that nature.
Nikita: He was with another man. He looked different from people in this town. He had a little red hat and spoke with an accent.
Detective: What did he do here?
Nikita: They talked. Not too interested in the girls. Especially the man in the red hat. They shook hands and then Mr. Hamby asked for missy. Normally I do not allow for the girls to be asked for. It causes problems. You know. But, since he is a usual customer, I sent her over. Next thing I know, they left together.
Nikita: well, there was another time. I was working in a private room for Vinny. You know Vinny. Mr. Hamby walked in while I was dancing. He seemed scared. You know, like a puppy. He sat next to Vinny. They talked. He gave Vinny a black thing….a suitcase.
(Pause)
Detective Voice: The ceiling soared 50ft. high, the floor was recently polished, and the knights’ armor came to life with brilliance. Jack Black and I used to work together down at the station. We were partners. Up until he started goin sour. Sold a few drugs…well more than a few. I busted’em. I had to. It was the right thing to do. Though the right thing don’t seem so right anymore. If any one person knows about happenings all over town, it would be Jack Black.
Jack: Ol’ Detective Larson! How’s it hangin?
Detective: It’s been better. I’ve got a case. A murder. Poison.
Jack: I may know somethin worth your time. Vinny…you know Vinny… Yeah, wells, hes was paid a lot of money, see. A lot of money. No one knows by whoms. My moneys on the wife. Hamby’s gots all the money saved up. She was having an affair. They ran off to Cabo, Mexico that weekend and she came home to he beloved deads. Mr. Hamby was seein some girl from the Cat Club. You may know ‘er.
Detective: Missy?
Jack: Yeah. Some cute name like that.
Detective: Well, thank you, Jack. You’ve been a great help. And that’s a pretty little lighter you got there. Where did you get it?
Jack: Cabo (Pause). You’ll excuse me for not walking you out. I have some business to take care of.
(Pause)
(Scream and Gun Shots)
Woman 1: Missy! Oh, Missy! They’ve gone and shot her!
(Music, Track 1 from the beginning, 10-15 seconds then volume lowers)
Detectives’s Voice: The clock strikes 8. The bud of my cigar glows red; it winks at me. I may have had too much to drink…or not enough. Last night was rough, too rough. It’s not over. Mr. Hamby’s murderer is still at large and it’s my job the take ‘em down. It starts to rain outside. Sounds like cats and dogs out there. Missy. Missy loved the rain. Who wanted you dead Missy? And why. My whisky is running low. Time to make my way over the ‘ol Rat House.
(Music plays, Track 2, 10 seconds then lowers volume thought the next scene)
Detective Voice: Ah, my usual seat at the bar. I was half expecting everyone to be glum about Missy’s death. No one seemed to notice, or they just didn’t want to look it. The music was still the same ol’ thing. Smoke filled the air and seemed to swirl to the rhythm. All was same as I left it, all but one person. Barkeep was glum, I could tell. His tie was askew and he was handing out fake smiles like free candy.
Detective: Barkeep, my whisky.
Barkeep: Yes, detective.
Detective: You miss ‘er?
Barkeep: Who, sir?
Detective: Missy. Missy Mayers.
Barkeep: Ain’t been the same. I tell ya, if I found out who killed her, theys ganna get a beatin from me.
Detective: Easy there, barkeep. I’m on it. Have you heard of anythin?
Barkeep: Didn’t hear nothing. Saw somthin though.
Detective: What? What ya see?
Barkeep: Last night, maybe a few hours after you left, Missy walks over to Vinny’s table. She told me earlier she was suspicious of Vinny…
Detective: Suspicious of what?
Barkeep: About Mr. Hamby. Mr. Hamby came in here a lot. Mostly on the weekdays when she worked. Some think they had relations. They would sit in the back and talk for hours. The kinds of talks you have with your beloveds.
Detective: do you think she knew who the murderer was?
Barkeep: Don’t know. Another whisky?

Comments:
I don't know if you have been able to solve you dilemma's with the story since you went home this weekend, but I hope when you get back you will be able to get the script moving along.

One thing I noticed in reading over the script, your rehash of the previous episode is longer than what you have written. You need to cut it down more. Think about the show's on tv. They only do a recap of around 1 minute at the most. So aim for that in the length of what occurred before.
 
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