Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Revised ERIC COHEN COMING THROUGH AGAIN

Eric Cohen
Darkness Visible Radio
No Friends

Nate- Depressed Girl Sounding Man/Lauren
Rich- Depressed Obnoxious Guy on steroids
Johnny- Gay Guy loves coke/ Jarome
Me- drug dealer/HollyWood/ party host
Sarah- street girl with attitude
Amanda- very intellectual smarty pants
Carolina-shy girl
Seth-stoner
Joesy- Cracker
Professor Boles-security 1
John-Security 2
Maddey- Security 3

Eric- Hey everybody welcome to the party but remember it is 5 dollars a cup for the keg

Nate- Hey HollyWood! You are lookin fine tonite!

Eric- Thanx babe…. I appreciate a lot of time went into the way I be lookin

Nate- OOO… ok….. If you ever want to be apart of my terror squad you can just come on and give me a call my number is 978-886-1864

Eric- Well I mean good enough for me here just don’t kill yourself if I don’t call aite lauren

Johnny- Hey Lauren, I got a question.

Nate- Yes… jarome

Johnny- Lauren who was that guy you were with last night.

Nate- OMG! Mike the meat head he’s crazy. How did you let that happen!

Johnny- Well I tried to get your attention but he started to conoogle your depression and was being like uhh… fake nice you know and you fell for it.

Nate- ughhhh… im so stupid…. Noooooo, wait. So that’s the guy who left my bed this morning . AAAAAHHHHHHH! Wait that’s him, pretend like we were never talking about him.

Rich- Hey Hollywood, BOSTON RULES

Eric- I don’t get you kids from BOSTON all you think about is the god damn Red Sox who cares just because they cant make the playoffs doesn’t mean everyone from new york is a fan of the Yankees by the way Im a met fan no one cares about baseball at this party

Rich- well….. ughhhhhh

Eric- Has anyone told you before you have a problem take care of it find your center and take some yoga

Rich- Allright I guess your right but hey Hollywood Boston Rules and everyone else drules

Eric- grow up seriously grow up

Rich- Sorry dude I tend to loose my cool when people get me aggravated. So Lauren, what you doin lata

Nate- Ughhh not chilling with you, sicko

Rich- Why you actin all crazy you were lovin me last night

Nate- Wait lets get one thing straight. I was drunk. You took advantage of me. Left. So heres a little something, get, away, before I call campus security for pushing me toward the edge of suicide, one. Two. Three.

Rich- Aite im outta here, Hollywood

Eric- Yea

Nate- I hate his guts.

Eric- yea he is a weird kid. A little to… whats the word self conscious.

Johnny- Hey hollllywooooood! You thanx for having me at your partyyy sweety

Eric- Anytime jarome anytime gay guyz bring the hottest girls… so do you have a friend for me

Johnny- yup

Eric- OOhhh yea wa she look like.

Johnny- Skinny, blonde, velumptious girl and loves Hollywood the city so shell love you.

Eric- Yea bring her over

Amanda- Hey hunny… I here they call you Hollywood.

Eric- That’s me

Amanda- Well I hear… Johnny says you’re the man on campus you need something youll get it I think that’s hott.

Eric- Well…. (trying to be modest) that’s me

Amanda- So you’re goin to hit me up lata right?

Eric- yea wa ur digits

Amanda- 555-5445

Johnny- I told you the complete package right.

Eric- I know its tru but Y do you gay people have such hot girl friends

(switching over to a normal heterosexual voice)

Johnny- yo you really think im gay I just love chillen with hot girls

Eric- then what you doing chillen with Lauren..

Johnny- She has massive depression feel kinda bad… but really because her friends are smoking.

Eric- You’re a dog I wish I knew that earlier

Johnny- yea yo I shower with them check em’ for breast cancer… the only crappy part is the voice really hurts my throat… Don’t say a word here she comes… (switching voices back) Heeeey Lauren!

Nate- Hey guyz! Hollywood thanx so much for the advice! Jarome I need you to take me back to the room and tell me the secrets to a true man. And Hollywood im going to try and get jarome to change teams.

Eric- change teams

Nate- yes change teams

Eric- good luck if he does you are one incredible female

Nate- well I am all that in a bag of potatoe chips

(thinking to himself)

Eric- that son of a gun… (outloud) take care guyz… don’t pull anything

(out of the blackness of the sky a woman appears)

Sarah- Eyyyy Hollywood, wa up?

Eric- Hey Shantori! What it? What it is?

Sarah- Nothin just enjoying youre party but seriously why arnt there anymore black people

Eric- Excuse me?

Sarah- you know African Americans…

Eric- OOOO!..... because I don’t know but youre here and that’s all that matters…

Sarah- thanx Hollywood! Lata whittey

Eric- Lata! Looky loooky if it isn’t the man without a plan stooner ffrancesco.

Seth- Hey mannn like I want to pick up like a lot of stuff.

Eric- Oo yea you a narc!?

Seth- Nooo wayyy mann.. Im like a student

Eric- you Francesco youre to funny

Seth- whyy mannn

Eric- dude… I don’t sell drugs dummy

Seth- True mannn… but like why is it that everyone talks to you mannn its not like your that cool anyway man ... ahahahhah……

Eric- ooo yeayy

Seth- yeaaaa man…. You are like the oblivion of the world

Eric- that doesn’t make any sense but you know the movie jay and silent bob I made a remix

Seth- yea hit

Eric- 50 bux you smoking man put that stuff in my hand if that money doesn’t show than im not goin to give you my dro

Seth- Woaahh dude you just make that up….

Eric- Run now before…… they cathya

Seth- AEHHHHHHH! (footsteps trembling off in the distance)

Eric- What a stooner… Rollins is surprisingly filled with some outlandish characters, wait, what does outlandish mean.

Amanda- Well outlandish means extreamily weird or bizarre

Eric- Where did you come from

Amanda- Well I tend to pop out of bushes and stuff when people need answers

Eric- Well what kind of answer

Amanda- anything

Eric- Are you god?

Amanda- Nope just a really smart girl on a full ride

Eric- Why are smart girls so damn attractive.

Carolina- He he hello…

Eric- yes shy girl how may I help you

Carolina- Well I could use a cup please

Eric- a cup eyyyy ID check

Carolina- What wha what makes you think that im underage?

Eric- Well first of all your repeating yourself three times, your shvitzing, and you look younger than my sister heeeey molz whats up…. Anyway yea

Carolina-Well Im just uhhhh shhhyyy yea shhhy call me shhyyy grl

Eric- Ok sshhhhyyy grlll hahaa let me call the police and see how old you really are
Carolina- wait don’t do that ill hook up with you if u just give me my id back please give me my id back

Eric- and clean my room do my laundry and be my personal slave

Caolina- yessssss anything

Joesy- Hollllyyywwoood IIII needed you

Eric- wait just wait…. Now shy girl you got yourself a deal… yes Jennifer what do you need

Joesy- I neeed help I have this old frat guy chasing me hes really mean looking

Eric- My hands are tied dear

Joesey- Well your cover is blown

Eric- Wait what you mean

Joesey- campus security and the police are on the way to search the the apartment for underage drinking

Proffesor Boles- Excuse me son you have a permit for this party

Maddey- AHHHaaaa we gotcha you slime ball peace of Garbage

John- This kid is pathetic do we even need to ask

Proffesor Boles- Its apart of protical we must ask

John- Ok if you insist

Proffesor Boles- Are you carrying any narcotics on your persons

Eric- My what

Proffesor Boles- Your persons

Eric- My what

Proofessor Boles- Kid are you selling drugs

Eric- Ughhhh no… im talking to people… are recreational parties illegal

Joesey- yea is that illegal or something

Proffesor Boles- lady don’t get involved

Joesey- Well why not

John- cause the law of the campus say so….

Joesey- you don’t scare me looser… wa u drop out of highschool to get this job

Proffesor Boles- that’s it your comin with me

Joesey- waaiiitt….. I didn’t do anything Hollywood is the one selling drugs or something noooooooooooooo

Eric- Haaahhhaaa thanx babe!

John- Your lucky the big man picked her up instead of you

Eric- Yo heres a hundred take it easy! Keep it on the look out for me… but really there was nothing going on besides some of age drinking sir

John- whatever you say.. For sure I gotch you kid but this isnt goin to be a weekly thing right

Eric- Right

John- its been a pleasure Hollywood

Eric- yes mr. security guard

Carolina- yoooourrr luccckkky kid that’ll be tonite

Eric- How’d my spot get blown up in one day. These rich girls don’t know how to keep there mouths shut. Cant they just come to a party and not have a huge commotion built up then leave. God Rollins is so relaxing. On the bright side I could’ve been arrested. Well actually I guess not. Im just So GROWN UP!

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