Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Plague Script Part 2 (tenative final)


Suzie = Carolina

Announcer = Rich

Dr. Cheese = Walker

Little Boy= John

***BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*** (x2)

Announcer: Excuse me listeners. We again interrupt this edition of Darkness Visible Radio to bring you up to date on this breaking news story from the department of health and safety. For more on this unfolding medical disaster, let’s send you out to Suzie Colberson, who is reporting again from the source. Suzie, what do you have for us out there?

Suzie: Yes, Yes. Thank you Chuck. Ladies and Gentlemen, I consider myself lucky to be alive after narrowly escaping the attacks of the rabid Krissy. I am sorry to say that the disease has taken full hold of her. But not to worry, I just gave her the old “judo-chop” and…

Announcer: That’s great Suzie. Just glad you are ok. Let’s get back to that story though ok?

Suzie: Right! Yes, yes this terrible plague that is wreaking havoc amongst the students of Rollins College and soon the World itself. Yes, in the time during the break I was able to contact a one, Dr. Richard Cheese to speak more about this incredibly destructive illness that is ravaging the children of these Dormitories like Michael Jackson at Disney Land. Now Dr. Cheese, what is your take on this horrible plague?


Dr. Cheese (whispering): wait. Am I on the air?

Suzie: (normal voice) Yes.

Dr. Cheese (whispering): Like the REAL air?

Suzie (normal voice): Yes, Richard, you are on the air.

Dr. Cheese (whispering): so people can hear me right now? Like, right at this very second?

Suzie (whispering): Richard, Start talking!

Dr. Cheese (in a very formal tone): I’m Dr. Richard Cheese and I am on the air. First of all I would like to say hello to my mother who is listening from Ocala, Florida. Secondly I would like to….

Suzie (very annoyed, whispering) Richard you oaf, talk about the plague. The disease!

Dr. Cheese: Of Course, the plague. How silly of me. Yes, earlier today I was informed of a disease that was spreading rapidly amongst the students of Rollins College. Being a licensed orthodontist, I have much to say on the subject. Upon examination, most of the subjects’ teeth look to be in pristine condition, and their gums seem to a lively color of pink, but I have noticed….

Suzie (very annoyed): Wait, you’re a dentist!

Dr. Cheese (annoyed now as well): No, I’m an orthodontist.

Suzie: You’re not even a real doctor!

Dr. Cheese (annoyed): Yes, I am. I have a PHD!

Suzie: Historians have a PHD. Did you go to med school?

Dr. Cheese: Yes, well sort of.

Suzie: Eh, good enough. And as a licensed and practicing PHD certified member of the medical world, you WOULD SAY that these students are suffering from a terrible illness that in extreme cases could lead to zombie like behavior right?

Suzie: RIGHT….(threateningly) DR. Cheese.

Dr. Cheese: Why yes. I guess so. But it’s not really my field of….

Suzie: That’s quite enough Dr. Cheese. Thank you very much. There you have it, straight from a Doctor’s lips. This disease that many are now referring to as Zombalitious is rampant among the innocent and helpless students of Rollins College. Only God knows what terrible fate these students are…

***Achew, sniffle-sniffle***

Suzie (excitedly): Wait, here comes another victim. Excuse me! Excuse me little boy. May I ask you a few questions? Thanks. How are you feeling.

Little Boy (in a deep sick voice): I’m sick. I have had a head cold since last week.

Suzie: Yes. I can see you are very ill. So have you had any urges to eat human flesh?

Little Boy: No.

Suzie: No desire at all?

Little Boy: No.

Suzie: Are you sure?

Little Boy: Yes.

Suzie: How about puppies? Do you want to eat puppies?

Little Boy: What are you talking about lady? No I don’t want to eat puppies.

Suzie: Well, have you eaten anything today?

Little Boy: Yes, I had a pretzel.

Suzie: Would you say that you ate it ferociously, you know, devoured it? If you will.

Little Boy: No. It didn’t taste very good so I threw it away. Lady you are creeping me out. I’m going to go get my RA or call security or something. Eating puppies, you are a loony-toon.

Suzie: Obviously another delirious soul. If you could see him right now you would understand the horror that is plaguing this school. His eyes were falling out and his skin was peeling and…and yes, I am about to be escorted out of the dormitory by campus security, obviously for my own safety in these deadly halls.

Campus Security: Lady, come with us. I think we have a baker act on our hands. Out the door you go.

Suzie: Thank you officer. Thank you for protecting me. I’m Suzie Colberson reporting live for WPRK News. Now, back to you in the booth Chuck.

Announcer: Thank you Suzie for that riveting story. Stay safe out there tonight people. You heard what is going on. This has been an update from the department of health and safety. Now back to your local broadcasting.

***BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*** (x2)

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