Thursday, September 14, 2006
Plague Script Part 1
By: Walker Hamby
Announcer: Rich or JJ
*** BEEP, BEEP, BEEP*** (x2)
Announcer: We interrupt this edition of Darkness Visible Radio to bring you an urgent news announcement from the department of health and safety. For more on this developing story, let’s send you out to Suzie Colberson who is reporting live from the source.
Suzie (very enthusiastically): Thank you Chuck. Yes, I am Suzie Colberson reporting live from
*** (softly) sneeze, sniffle-sniffle, sneeze***
Suzie: Oh! Oh! Do you hear that sound, that horrendous gut wrenching noise? I think we have just witnessed the sound of this plague that has descended down upon these students like a swarm of angry black locus, wreaking havoc across the countryside. (Softly) Wait! Wait! Quiet…..listen…I think it’s getting closer. Listen.
*** (a little louder but still nothing bad) sneeze, sniffle-sniffle, sneeze***
Suzie: Oh, George by the fiery depths of hell, I think we can get an interview with this most sickly and unfortunate soul.
Suzie: (break in mystical voice from before) George. George! Bring the camera over here. George, over here! Now! Ok that’s good.
Suzie: (back to normal creepy voice) Excuse me Miss. Miss? Yes hello Miss.
I’m Suzie Colberson reporting live for WPRK News, can I ask you a few questions?
Krissy (cheerfully): Well sure. No problem. I was just heading down to the…
Suzie: The hospital….Yes, yes. I’m sure my dear. I’m sure.
Krissy (confused but still cheerful): No, no hospital for me. I was just going to the cafeteria. I’m starving.
Suzie: O yes, one of your last real meals, yes I understand.
Krissy: No I’m fine. ***Sniffle, Sniffle*** Will you excuse me for a second. I have to sneeze. *** Sneeze***
Suzie: Oh Suzie. Suzie, Suzie, Suzie, you most unfortunate soul. Tell me my dear, how are you dealing with this terrible sickness that you have contracted here within the chamber of this death dorm known to many as McKean Hall? How are you dealing with this terrible, horrendous sickness?
Krissy: Um. I don’t know really know what you’re talking about. I just have a little cold. Tons of people have the same sort of thing in this dorm. It’s very common.
Suzie: YES! There we have it. This disease, this plague has spread to, and I quote, “TONS OF PEOPLE.” Tons, with a capital T. Students beware. We have heard it straight from one of the disease herself.
Krissy: Wait, wait. What are you talking about, I am not diseased. I just played a soccer game yesterday. I’m fine. I have a date later tonight, its just a little cold, honestly I swear.
Suzie: (condescendingly, like talking to a little child) Yes, yes I’m sure my dear, Just a little cold.
(Sternly) As you can tell this poor girl is delirious, one of the many symptoms of this- this terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, plague. Soon she will experience other symptoms including: rapid alcohol consumption, loss of hair color, and attraction to the opposite sex.
Krissy: Well all of that doesn’t sound so bad. But if you excuse me, I have to go. I’m soooo hungry.
Suzie (more sternly): Oh my dear girl, I wasn’t finished. After the hair loss, your eyes will fall out and you’ll slowly turn into a flesh eating zombie. Yes a flesh eating zombie. For those of you students living in McKean, Ward, or Elizabeth Hall, you may want to make sure your room-mate isn’t sneezing or coughing because if they are, they may soon turn into a flesh hungry zombie and eat you while you sleep. Krissy here said it herself. And I quote: “I’m soooo hungry.” Yes. Krissy here is hungry for human flesh.
Krissy: No, I’m not.
Suzie (snappy): Yes you are. You’re just delirious and don’t know it yet. (Anxiously) Look! Look! George are you getting this. Krissy here is attacking me. She is trying to bite me.
Krissy: No, I’m not.
Suzie (frightened): Yes, Yes she is. Run, run George.
Krissy: Ok. I’m going to get some food. Bye.
Suzie: Run George. Run. She is hungry. I’m Suzie Colberson reporting live from inside the death dorm of McKean Hall. And as soon as I get away from the clutches of this diseased zombie I will be back. For now, back to you in the booth Chuck.
Suzie (whispering)(annoyed): Did you get that. Good. OK. Good. No George, she wasn’t really attacking me. Yes, I know I was lying on air. No George. No. Just go move the equipment.
Announcer: Alright Suzie. Thanks for that frightening report. Be safe out there people. Zombies are on the loose. We will have another update on this later in the show. Now back to Darkness Visible Radio.