Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Final Sally Skit #2

I can't figure out this R-Drive thing. Im taking my comp to Computer services now, sorry guys.

Here is the finished version of the Sally script. I know its late and I apologize. If you dont want to air it tonight I understand. I will aslo print out all the necicary scripts just in case. Good luck tonight Guys.

Walker

Announcer: “Once upon a time, in a college not far from here, two girls embarked on a quest for glory, greatness, and ultimate skankiness. Some called them heroes, some called them whores, but all agreed that their quest was um….interesting to say the least. This is their story.”

This week we find out two scantily clad heroes in a need I say “wet” situation. Determined to socialize with every organization on campus, with the intention of dating a member, Sally the Slut and her trusty mate, Leslie, journeyed to the most neglected, the most rejected, and smelliest club on campus. Let’s see what happens.

Ryan: Welcome to the Bed Wetter’s Association, home to the overexcited, the urinarilly challenged, and those who just like soiling their sheets. Here we strive to be open to all….uhhhhhhh…

Sally the Slut: Hi there cutie, what’s your name?

Ryan (with a slight stutter): Uh…uh….uh…..bu….Wait, you, you, you look like FE-males.

Leslie (in a condescending tone): Your very perceptive there buddy.

Ryan: We, uhhhh…..we don’t have many um… FE-males here at the bed wetter’s Association.

Leslie (whispering to Sally): Good God, Lets get out of here ASAP.

Sally the Slut (whispering): No! We can’t.

Leslie (whispering): Look Sally, I know you’re on a quest from God and all, but for Christ’s sake, this is the BED WETTER’S Association. It smells awful in here.

Sally the Slut: I’m not leaving until my mission is complete. Plus this kid is kinda cute, in a weird sort of way.

Leslie (getting angry, but still whispering): Sally, he has a damp spot on his crotch and he reeks! You can’t be serious!

Ryan (unfazed by their whispering): So, uh-uh, ya. Welcome to the Bed-Wetter’s Association, chapter number uh…6. My name is Ryan Tinklestein, and I am the chapter founder and president. Started in 1977 by a young Pee-Wee Herman, our club has served as a safe haven for those discriminated against because of their urinary differences. You may have heard of some of our more famous members: Margret Ford, Dustin Diamond- more known for his role of Screech on “Saved by the Bell”, oh and of course Tom Cruise.

Leslie (sarcastically): Wow, that’s quite an impressive list, so distinguished. You must be very proud. What do you think Sally?

Sally the Slut: Yes Sir President Tinklestein. I always did admire a man of power.

Leslie (exasperated): Jesus Christ, Sally. I need to get out of here. Ryan can you tell me where the restrooms are?

Ryan: No can do.

Leslie: Um. Why not?

Ryan: Here at the Bed Wetter’s Association we do not feel that Restrooms are necessary. It is part of our recovery process.

Sally the Slut: How economical!

Ryan: Well…uh..uh..thanks, but if you FE-males would excuse me I have to go…now to…um…to…um…to begin the meeting.

(Shouting)

OK Everyone, Time to Start. Bildo, Sludge, Jack…Lets Circle up.

***Noise is heard as chairs shuffle and people moan and all sorts of other stuff***

Ryan: Good evening everyone. So to begin the meeting does anyone have any promising stories. Bildo, you told me you had a great experience watching a horror movies this week. What happened?

Bildo: Well see…last Friday, I watched Saw II…

The Crowd: (EXCITEDLY AND WORRIED) No You shouldn’t do that. Bildo, you know that’s to intense. ECT..

Bildo (confidently): It’s ok guys. It’s ok. I made it out ok. But, like I was saying, last Friday, I watched (pause) ALL of Saw II, and when I woke up the next morning, I was totally dry.

Ryan: Wow Billy, that’s great! That’s a real…

Leslie (Interupting): Wait, what kind of group is this. I thought you guys liked that sort of um…you know.

Ryan: Are you kidding me. A lot of people laugh at us when they find out we are member of the Bed-Wetter’s Assosication. People think its funny when kids have accidents, but that’s unless you’re the one who wet the bed……then its just kinda damp. (pause) No. We are more of a support group. Bildo here is making great progress.

Leslie (whispering again): And you Sally are making no progress. I feel bad for these guys, but can we please just get out of here.

Sally the Slut (whispering): Fine. Just two more seconds…

Sally the Slut (loudly and boastfully): Well if we are all sharing, I have a story for you guys. It’s a real tender one about a man and a um…FE-male. This one time, me and this really cute boy named (pause) RYAN, went on a date. It was really romantic and at the end he kissed me. (long pause) Well, I guess that story never happened, but I kind of with it would. (pause) What do you think about that story Ryan?

Ryan: Um…um……um…. Well….if you will excuse me, I think I need to go to the restroom.

Sally: O no Ryan, I don’t want to interrupt your recovery process.

Ryan: To late for that. I have to go.

*** loud clanging footsteps are hear as Ryan runs away***

Sally: Wait Ryan, lets just talk…..

*** Sally’s voice fades out as she chases ryan to the restroom***

Leslie: Ok, well, so, Ok. So Bildo, I think I’m going to take off now. See you guys um……..sometime…..mabye.

***Sniggers and snorts are heard***

Leslie: Ok bye now.


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