Tuesday, September 26, 2006

daTE GAME

Barchloret
By: Carolina, Amanda and Sarah
Announcer; Alright settle down, settle down, he puts the oo cool. The zing in amazing. He’s the original slick rick. Give it up for the incredible Rick Forward.
(Audience applauds)
Rick; Hello Heidi
Heidi; Hey there Rick.
Rick; Hello America and welcome to the dating game. Where we meet the contestants from all different walks of life. People who are ready for a committed relationship, to commit relations, or just need to be committed. You never know with this show. Today on the show, we have three handsome bachelors trying to win the heart of this lovely bacheloret. Trick is, they will not be able to officially meet until after our bachloret makes a decision. And now, for our bachlorette. All the way from Nashville, Tennesee, we have an aspiring singer/waitress, Lianne Mitchell.
(applause)
Leanne: Well, hey there ya’ll. I’m so happy to be here.
Rick: Thank you Leanne. Now just have a seat here behind this curtain and lets bring out our Bachelors.
(applause)
Rick: Bachelor number one, Cleatus come on out.
(Applause)
Rick: Welcome Cleatus. So, tell the audience where you are from.
Cleatus: Well, I’m from Laguna Bog and I’m real excited to be here with ya’ll.
Rick: I’m sure you are, Cleatus. Now our next bachelor, come on out, Clark Kent.
Superman: (depressed) Thank you.
Rick: Where are you from Clark?
Superman: Smallville. Well, I think. I don’t know anymore.
Rick: Yeah, um, moving on. Bachelor number three, come on out.
Chewbacca: Grrrrr
Rick: am I pronouncing this right, Chewbacca?
Chew: Grrr.
Rich: Moving on, our forth and final contestant, a Spanish Latin lover who moves from the rhythm of life. Come on out, Sergio.
(applause, girls whistle and holler)
Rich: We are excited to have you. Settle down ladies. Wow, they are excited to have you here.
Sergio: Of coarse they are.
(Latin music)
Rick: Now moving on with the show. Leanne, you are to ask our contestants a series of questions and they will try to answer as best possible. Go ahead Leanne.
Leanne: Ok, well I’m a little nervous. Here goes. Bachelor number one, If we went on a date, where would you take me?
Cleatus: Well, little missy, first I’d like to show you my hog wrestling skills, so we’d head over to hog rink. Then we’d head over to a barbeque for some good old ribs and pigs feet. Mmmm Mmmm, mama makes the best of them ribs and pigs.
Leanne: that’s sounds great. I love ribs. Bachelor number two, where would we go?

Superman: I’d take you where I took Lois Lane for are first date. To the moon to watch the stars. Then we flew back and she decided that Lex Luther was better because he was bad and girls like bad boys. Then she asked me why I’m never home anymore. I’m sorry I’m out saving the world. Well maybe Lex Luther will pay more attention to me…
Rick: Ok, next question…go ahead Leanne.
Lianne: Ok, sure. I enjoy long walks on the beach, Bachelor number 3, what do you like to do?
Chew: Grrr…
Leanne: What was that?
Chew: Grrr…
Leanne: I’m sorry, I don’t understand.
Rick: He likes watching romantic movies in the afternoon. Cuddling by the fire. Reading long interesting novels. Volunteering at the soup kitchen. Most of all he’d like to serenade you in a boat on the lake with swans in the background carry roses in their mouth.
Chew: Grrr….
Leanne: oh, that sounds nice. How about you bachelor number 4?
Sergio: the ladies. So fair, so soft and beautiful. Yeas, that is what I do. Be sexy. A sexy Sergio.
(latin music)
Leanne: Oh, my. That’s a little too hot for me.
Rick: Next question…
Leanne: Right. Um… This is one for all the bachelors, if you were an animal, which animal would you be and why? Bachelor number one, you go first…
Cleatus: I don’t know what animal I’d be. I’d reckon I’d be a pig because I already know the mating call of a pig though. ( does a pig call)
Rick: That’s tallent. Bachelor number two, how about you?
Superman: I’d be the most despicable, lowlife, ugliest, vindictive animal in sight. The one that makes the boogie man look like a puppy. The one that makes the monster under the bed look like a dust ball….Lex Luther.
Leane; Okay well then I didn’t know they existed. Contestant number three.
Chewie; Grrr….
Rick; Really a Gecko… I just save a lot of money on car insurance. Contestant number four, what animal would you be?
Sergio: I would be me…Sexy Sergio. Because I am an animal.
(Latin Music)
Leanne: Well, then…next question. Bachelor number two, if your ex-girlfriend was describing you to me, what would she say?
Superman: Well I know what your thinking but I’m not going to describe Lois Lane. Her name was Kitty I met her on the corner of 34th and south. She was amazing. Boy things people will do for a 75 cents and a flash of the cape. No, no none of it’s true. I miss you Lois! I need you I go through a six pack a day ( starts to cry) I need you to come back I can’t…
Rick; Okay, wow keep him away from children.
Superman; Children? We were going to have children. We were so happy, (angry) until Lex Luther came and screwed it with his “look at my tattoo I’m so bad. who needs to fly when you can ride on a motorcycle.” You are dead when I see you I’m going my red cape and strangle you then I’m going take out your heart like she took out mine. Then I’ll give it to her so she has another heart to feed on. That selfish little…
Rick; That’s enough .
(Superman cries)
Leanne: Ok next question is for bachelor number four. If you were an ice cream flavor, what would you be and why.
Sergio: That is an easy one. I would be any melted ice cream, because I am just that, how you say, friggin hot.
(latin music)
(Applause)
Leanne: Well, the audience seems happy with bachelor number four. But I just don’t know yet. These last two questions are for all of you. What is your best attribute?
Rick: Lets start with Bachelor number one again…
Cleatus: Well, I have webbed feet. Some gals think that’s the cats meow.
Rick: Bachelor number two…
Superman: (crying) Lowis…I love you…!!!
Rick: Get him off the show! Security! Bachelor number three…
Chew: Grr…
Leanne: Well, that’s impressive.
Rick: And bachelor number four, what is you best attribute?
Sergio: Are you really asking me this question. I mean, just imagine me from my deep sexy man voice. I am sexy beast Sergio.
(Latin Music)
Leanne: Well, you do have a deep, sexy voice. I’d like to see what else you have that is sexy and…
Rick: Moving on! Leanne, this is you final question. Choose wisely.
Leanne: Well, I guess I will go with a simple one. But it will tell me a lot. Ok, this is for all the bachelors again. Why should I choose you?
Rick: Bachelor number one?
Cleatus: Cuz I know how to treat a woman right. Take you out one night and never call you again.
Rick: Bachelor number two has been escorted out, so he wont be able to answer this question… Bachelor number three , on to you…
Chew: Grrr…
Rick: And you, dare I ask, bachelor number four.
Sergio: You should chose me because I am Sexy Man Sergio. I can make anything look good. I will sexify you like you wouldn’t imagine. I would do things like take…
Rick: Don’t want to know….
Sergio: Ok then… latin music man…you missed your cue.
(Latin Music)
Rick: Ok, Leanne, it is time to make your decision. You must chose one , and only one bachelor. Audience, who do you think she should pick?
(Audience shouts numbers)
Leanne: Oh, this is such a tough decision. They all sound….well….interesting.
Rick: who’s it going to be Leanne?
Leanne: Um, I think I’m going to choose number….um… number three.
(Applause)
Chew: Grrr! Grr!
Rick: Bachelor number three come on out!
Chew: Grr!
Leanne: Oh, He’s so handsome.
Rick: Leanne, You have chosen Mr. Chewbacca. I would like to present to you a gift certificate for two for fine dining at the local Denny’s.
(Applause for the rest of the show)
Leanne: Oh thank you rick!
Chew: Grrr.
Leanne: Oh we are goin to get along just fine.
Rick: Thank you to the audience and you listeners at home. This has been the Darkness Visible Dating Game Show. Thank you and good night.

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