Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Arnolds first movie review many more to come

Arnold movie review
Arnold = Rich
A: Hello, and welcome to Arnolds movie review corner, I am Arnold and this is my movie review corner. Not yours, not Stallones, not Jesse Venturas, but mine. I am Arnold and people know me. I saw the Little Miss of the Sunshine this weekend because I heard it was Sylvesters new movie where he has to battle the sun and global warming in project little miss. I got excited, I was wrong. Its really that 40 year old virgin Steve Carell. 40 years old and a virgin. Ha ha ha ha. Arnold has not been virgin since he was 14 and could only bench 225. I was bodybuilding champ of Austria then and was Mr. Teen Olympia. I was hailed as the Greek god Hercules and had more ladies then Jean Claude Van Dame after Bloodsport. Which I was offered by the way, I said no because I could not do a split kick and I didn’t think it was believable that a man of my size, vascularity and size could possibly be a convincing under dog. So I made Commando instead. You remember that one dontchu. They take my daughter and tell me to do a job and I tell them I will but I really just want to kill everyone and I do that instead. That was a good one yaaa. That was when I could bench a world war 2 panzer tank and I run through the first seen of the movie carrying an actual redwood tree over my should using just my enormous right bicep the thing nobody knows about that was, we couldn’t find a real redwood so I asked the set designer to just make me one of off cement. So instea of being a standard 400 pound redwood I was carrying a 650 pound cement pole painted to look like a redwood rwah. Steve Carell is in a Volkswagen van and he cant get it to move so it takes 6 people to move the van. Virgin! I could move that van with my left arm like I did in Mr. Olympia in 76. In 82 I moved a caterpillar bulldozer with the hand brake pulled up with just my right arm. But then again I wasn’t a virgin and I ate the equivalent of a north Alaskan moose in protein everyday. The movie was not good. I was not entertained. While I was but only because the kids in the theater and their moms good not get enough of the Govenator. We need more fire! I signed the caps for the kiddies and hugged the moms for the Arnold. RWAH I love the ladies. I don’t like action less movies, this was an action less movie, so I don’t like the action less movie. I like movies that balance warm fluffy bunny scenes with spinal cord snapping action scenes, I like movies like my, The Last Action Hero or Terminator or Terminator 2 or even Terminator 3 where the Terminator meets the other sexy female Terminator and has to girl her but cant because she has so many upgrades so he figures out a way to kill her with the help of John Connor who repeatedly needs to GET DOWN and GET DOWN AGAIN because the she-terminator launches the missiles at the John Connor and he is not missile proof like me the Terminator who can in real life bench press a live nuclear missile that is the kind of fun the Govenator expects from a family film, not being stuck in a family van with a family virgin who doesn’t have the kids because he doesn’t have the sex. RWAH this has been the Arnold with the Arnold movie review corner. And remember when you wonder what Arnold eats for breakfast. I eat Green Berets for Breakfast.

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